To want another child but not want to do the baby bit again

[AnyFuleKno]

I have one child who is 2.5 and I absolutely love her to bits. I feel like we are just getting organised now after really struggling for the first 2 years. Now that she is growing up she's really funny and imaginative and having her around makes my life so much richer. I would absolutely love another child, but I don't think I can do the baby bit again. When I think of all the equipment, the no sleep, the not knowing what's wrong when they cry, not to mention that the house has been an absolute shambles.

All my friends with DCs the same age have had or are having their second child, frankly rather than feeling broody when I see a baby it brings me out in a cold sweat!

Am I barking?

if you think adopting a toddler is easier then think again! Quite likely to have sleepless nights, possible food problems and attachment issues.

No, morethan1, I've not adopted, but my sister has. And I didn't say it was simple ? I suggested it as something to consider if OP was genuine ? just to look into, I said. I know it's not simple

I adore my (adopted) DS, can't imagine life wihtout him now but I still advise people with a choice (in this country) to give birth rather than adopt for so many reasons I'd bore you all.

Sad but true.

I love the newborn stage, my DD was so easy, slept round the clock, slept through at 6 weeks - would def do it all again if I could guarantee the next one would be the same...

Don't want to do the pregnancy bit though. Ever again, was grim.

AnyfuleKno - I tell you what, you do the pregnancy, I'll take the first 2.5 years, then you can have the baby back if I get visitation - deal??

We felt the same pretty much the moment after dd was born (16mths after ds) and haven't changed our minds ten years later. But we do like the idea of a bigger family, and have thought about both fostering and adoption on and off. Although reading the adoption boards here has given me a much more realistic idea about what that might entail. I don't like babies at all really - I always have to bit my tongue when people tell me they are pregnant, as my immediate thought tends to be "that goodness I'm not!". But then perhaps we are slightly strange, as we've enjoyed our children more and more as they have got older, and now we have several other children who seem to live with us (dd is very sociable) it's great to have a full house.

The thing is, the reasons that anyfulekno has given for not wanting the baby stage again, pretty ,uch apply to adopting a toddler - and then some. Sleepless nights, shambles of a house, undiagnosed crying etc. Whilst I have had it (so far) comparitively easy with my adopted ds, and love the fact that we're an adopted family, I would probably suggest it's not a viable alternative here for the above reasons

Oh me too!!

I really want a third but the idea of pregnancy and the newborn bit is what puts me off.

DD2 is only 6 weeks and has been a lot easier than DD1 was but it still puts me off!

I have three dc's and i love them to bits, but the thought of a newborn baby scares me.
My brother and his wife recently had a baby and when i saw dsil swollen stomach, saggy tits and pained expression, it put me off for good.

YANBU, but ime our ds2 seemed much easier than ds1.

I think it was because the second time around, we had much more a bit of an idea what to expect and that all the sleep deprived nights etc wouldn't last forever.

With ds1, we had lots of the "OMG - what have we done?" moments as the reality of being parents set in!

I'm with Strawberrycake. I have 2 at the moment (DD is 4 and DS nearly 2) and would love another baby but the thought of 9 months of utter exhaustion/throwing up 20 times a day chills me to the bone. I'm 35 so time is definitely not on my side.

Just to give you a little perspective my 2 were totally different- they were both EBF but because I was worried DD would be jealous of me nursing an infant I used to put him down in his crib as soon as feeds were over. As a result (I think) he was the chillest quietest baby ever. He didn't cry for the first 6 months of his life! He is now an absolute terror though.

I do think that 2nd babies are easier because parents don't have as much time to devote to them. It seems to be a general consensus amongst my 2 kids friends.

Totally gree with iwishiwasmoreorganised.

I felt terrified of doing the baby bit again, because I really struggled wth DD.

However, with my DS it has been so much easier.

It's more relaxed, I'm more confident I know not to listen to all the shit advice from the health visitors, I am already in the "parent" mode, so there was no culture shock this time round. I know everything is a phase, i.e. they soon move on to something new.

Also, I KNOW how to use all the equipment this time round!

Just go for it - it won't be half as bad as you think. Honestly!

I'm afraid dd is and is going to stay an only child. We are complete as a family but there is no way I would put myself through that again, she was a v difficult baby and although people say it would not happen again, what if it did and I also had a 3 yr old at the same time?
Strangely she is an easy going and generally 'easy' toddler

I think you also appreciate babies more when you've already had one because you know how quickly they turn into evil little monsters toddlers.

The good thing about DC#2 is that when DS1 is being a pain in the arse, I can use DS2 as my excuse for making DH deal with him - ha ha!

Managing 2 is turning out to be easier than I thought. And actually the baby stage is nice this time round - because you know how quickly the time passes, once you get past 6 weeks, it all feels so much more...bearable. DS1 was 2.9 when DS2 was born - a pretty good age gap, and he adores DS2.

Go on, it's not that bad!
(What a ringing endorsement )

I think just go for it. Admittedly the first 6 months are tough. Simple things like not being able to sleep during the day when baby sleeps because you have an older child take sleep deprivation to the next level! But it does get better and it is worth it just to see how the siblings interact with each other. Also as anonacfr says 2nd babies are definitely easier. There is an element of them fitting in with the set routine rather than them setting the routine. Also you already have the experience of a baby so aren't as neurotic.

I have two, a 4 yr old and 2yr, one of each. And as people keep telling me, there is no need for us to have anymore. But I have started feeling remarkably broody the past few weeks. I think I could handle the newborn but don't really fancy being pregnant again. I have finally got to the point where I'm happy with my body since having children. I know it sounds selfish but at the moment that would be the main thing stopping me from having another child. But I am 36 so if we're going to have another one it needs to be sooner rather than later.