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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that dh shouldnt leave 2yr old dd in bath upstairs while he comes downstairs to get something?

42 replies

bytheMoonlight · 07/08/2010 17:21

I'm downstairs and I thought she was upstairs playing around with the bubbles while dh has a bath, he has just finished work and she wanted to see him.

He comes downstairs to get his new deodrandt and stops to have a conversation with me about how good the CD is I've got on, I ask him where dd is and he tells me she is sat in the bath.

I run upstairs and she is sat in water deep enough to just cover her legs happily paying.

I have told him that he shouldn't have done that because its dangerous and she could have died if she had gone under. He said its fine as she was sat still and he was only gone for a second Hmm
He thinks I'm over reacting.

Then he tells me that he got out and went to the bedroom to get dressed and didn't notice that she has left him and climbed into his bathwater which he has let out until she calls him Shock

I think he is being bloody irresponsible and dangerous, he thinks I'm making a mountain out of a molehill.

AIBU?

OP posts:
cravingcroissants · 07/08/2010 17:25

YANBU.
This is sooo dangerous.

SloanyPony · 07/08/2010 17:25

This is a topic that's always going to divide, that being what age is it safe.

There are a few things that can happen but to be honest at that age, drowning was really not something that concerned me.

Hot tap would have concerned me more.

For us, at that age, I really wouldn't have worried about leaving the room for a short while to go get PJ's or a towel, and would even potter round upstairs, but I could hear everything and would check back in very regularly.

I wouldn't have wanted to have a CD on or any other noise or distractions happening because those eyes on the back of your head are your ears, as I keep saying in threads like this.

YANBU but he probably didn't think anything was going to happen and its pretty unlikely at that age, just not a risk you would want to take no doubt.

thisisyesterday · 07/08/2010 17:27

yes i think you are overreacting.

i often leave mine in the bath while i potter about putting laundry away

cravingcroissants · 07/08/2010 17:28

My biggest fear would have been that she would have tried to climb out of the bath and slipped and gone under the water. I still worry about this with my DS who's nearly 5 and don't let him get out of the bath alone.

anonacfr · 07/08/2010 17:29

It's not pretty unlikely at that age! My son is nearly 2 and is constantly slipping around in the bath.
The other day he was sitting in and leaned forward to get a toy- he ended up falling nose first in the water.

It only takes a second sadly.

serenity · 07/08/2010 17:31

The water was just covering her legs? So not very deep then? To be honest, at that age I would have done the same (run in and out of the bathroom doing things), but we lived in a small flat at the time so I could always hear what was going on. It's difficult, I don't think you're being unreasonable to tell him you're not comfortable with what he's done, but if you're berating him and saying he's being irresponsible and dangerous then perhaps you're over-reacting with your response?

OrmRenewed · 07/08/2010 17:35

Agree with thisisyesterday.

thisisyesterday · 07/08/2010 17:35

i think the key is tho that unless they fell hard enough to knock themselves out they would be able to get themselves up out of the water wouldn't they?

we have an extra long grippy bathmat to make them less likely to slip.
but if they ever do they're generally straight back up out of the water

purpletrousers · 07/08/2010 17:36

There is a case local to me where a child (around the same age as yours) was badly burnt in a bath after the child turned the hot tap on whilst the mum was downstairs doing something else. The mum has been charged with neglect/abuse of a child. She pleaded guilty.

MmeLindt · 07/08/2010 17:44

I would have left my DC (and have done) in that situation but probably not gone downstairs.

More the fact that a 2yo is unpredictable, and might decide to climb out of the bath or turn the tap on.

If she had slipped, she would have likely only given herself a fright and maybe banged her head. But that can at the very least make her hate bathtime or scared of water.

tabouleh · 07/08/2010 17:48

YANBU - what your DH did is fucking insane.

From ROSPA

Drowning

Children can drown in less than 3cm of water. They should be under constant supervision when in or near any water.

Prevention

Never leave children or babies in the bath unsupervised, even for a moment.

Never leave uncovered bowls or buckets of water around the home.

Paddling pools should be emptied and stored away when not in use.

Garden ponds should be filled in while children are small or securely fenced off. Take special care when visiting other people?s gardens.

OP - your DH was not just "a second" - plus he went downstairs (not able to hear as well) plus talking to you (attention on you - even less able to hear). Not that there will necessarily be an audible warning of drowning.

I think that sorting clothes on a landing whilst DC in the bath and you are talking to the DC is a much lower risk (but one which each parent must think about and judge for themselves).

SloanyPony · 07/08/2010 17:51

See, I can only go on my personal experience of what my child was like at that age. There is no way he would have drowned unless he had knocked himself out. There is no way he could have knocked himself out without me hearing.

Like I said hot tap was probably more of an issue but I would have heard that and been there in less than a second, which with our hot water system is nowhere near long enough for things to happen.

A child could suddenly start having their first ever epileptic fit and land face first and if you were downstairs you'd not hear it etc etc - but despite that being a possibility, its so damn unlikely that when its a case of nipping out to get something, or quietly folding laundry in the next room, you really just have to use your judgement.

You could use the same logic about them not going on the stairs on their own - till what age? I could fall down the stairs.

Yes water is different. I really think it has to depend on the child, the house, the setup, and your own hazard perceptions. If a mother thinks it is irresponsible and she is the one who cares for that child most the time, she is probably right unless she is extremely overcautious. So the OP in my opinion is NBU based on this.

There is no one concrete age where it suddenly becomes safe for all children. Its never just about what might happen, its about how likely those things are to happen. Like the petrol forecourt, going down stairs on your own, riding your first bike. You just have to call it how you see it at the time.

Lulumaam · 07/08/2010 17:51

YANBU

it was not a second, it was not a blink of an eye

he came downstairs, spoke to you , got something .. that's a minute or two at least.

does he not understand the risks?

if not, show him them !

pigletmania · 07/08/2010 17:58

I have left my dd 3.5 on her own when she was 2 at times, I have always been on the same floor and just round the corner putting the towels away or picking up in her room. I was confident that she would be fine and she always has. I would not have a phone conversation or be downstaires away from close proximity or earshot, its about risk assessing and commonsense. I would never however leave dd when she was a little baby though, always there in the bathroom with her.

pigletmania · 07/08/2010 17:59

We have temperature controlled the hot water for safety.

Firawla · 07/08/2010 19:30

YANBU he was downstairs not even in the next room, so very far away and 2 is still very young really. I wouldnt leave my 2 year old in the bath. Well for under 20 seconds to nip into next room and grab something yes, but just leave him in there and go potter around the house - no. Not worth the risk. (also my ds age 2 is quite silly and would probably take the chance to flood the floor with water, which is not ideal...)

ChippingIn · 07/08/2010 22:12

Previous to reading the thread linked below I would have said you were BU if she was 2 and only in a couple of inches of water.

Nothing has changed my view point on something as quickly and as totally as this has... ever...

Please, please, please read it (it is info not scare mongering!!)

IMPORTANT ON SILENT DROWNING

hellymelly · 07/08/2010 22:18

I have only just started walking just out of sight of my dds to get something from a drawer in the next room for instance,coming back straight away,and my younger DD is 3 and a quarter.I would only do this while she is in the bath with her sister who is five,and while they are both talking to me,or singing.I would never leave a two year old alone in a bath ever,for any length of time.I don't let my dds upstairs alone if there is water in the bathtub (e.g.when the bath is running)as dd2 might lean over and fall in.It is just too much of a risk to take.Small children tend to take a deep breath in to scream if they fall into even very shallow water and that is how they drown,or so I read.

Monty100 · 07/08/2010 22:20

I know someone who's child drowned in the bath while they were in their bedroom next door getting dressed.

Monty100 · 07/08/2010 22:21

*whose obv

MyMamaToldMe · 07/08/2010 22:23

YANBU - made me feel quite sick to think what could have happened to your DC

ItsGraceActually · 07/08/2010 22:24

YANBU. Leaving any child alone in the bath is dangerous - my training said up to the age of 7. Most people do, however, life being what it is. I was the nanny, it was my job to do it right ... different when you have other small kids, the dinner's burning and someone's at the door!

This type of accident is rare. Trouble is, when it happens it tends to be fatal. DH needs an explaining-to. Apart from that, let it go :)

ChippingIn · 08/08/2010 01:02

ChippingIn Sat 07-Aug-10 22:12:30
Previous to reading the thread linked below I would have said you were BU if she was 2 and only in a couple of inches of water.

Nothing has changed my view point on something as quickly and as totally as this has... ever...

Please, please, please read it (it is info not scare mongering!!)

IMPORTANT SILENT DROWNING

Just bumping in the hope that some people will read the link.... please!

Original poster
bytheMoonlight · 08/08/2010 19:55

ChippinIn - I read that thread when it was in active conversations and I think it has definatly made me see the dangers around water more acutley.

dh is generally less risk aware than me and he does thinks I over worry.

I left it last night as he was being defensive and thought I was over reacting but I did speak to him today. I just said that even if he didn't think it was dangerous, could he just not leave dd unattended for my sake. He agreed to do it for me which I suppose is a compromise.

I may get him to read the thread about silent drowning, although that may be pushing my luck!

OP posts:
CoupleofKooks · 08/08/2010 20:02

i am not overly uptight about safety i don't think, but i think this was too lax
the stopping for a chat bit is not something i would do wrt a 2 yo
i might pop downstairs to get something essential but i would be up again pretty sharpish
and i don't think he should have left the water for her to climb into without him knowing - water plus zero supervision is obviously not great
i wouldn't hit the roof about this, though, just point out the risks and agree to supervise more closely, which he has done

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