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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that dh shouldnt leave 2yr old dd in bath upstairs while he comes downstairs to get something?

42 replies

bytheMoonlight · 07/08/2010 17:21

I'm downstairs and I thought she was upstairs playing around with the bubbles while dh has a bath, he has just finished work and she wanted to see him.

He comes downstairs to get his new deodrandt and stops to have a conversation with me about how good the CD is I've got on, I ask him where dd is and he tells me she is sat in the bath.

I run upstairs and she is sat in water deep enough to just cover her legs happily paying.

I have told him that he shouldn't have done that because its dangerous and she could have died if she had gone under. He said its fine as she was sat still and he was only gone for a second Hmm
He thinks I'm over reacting.

Then he tells me that he got out and went to the bedroom to get dressed and didn't notice that she has left him and climbed into his bathwater which he has let out until she calls him Shock

I think he is being bloody irresponsible and dangerous, he thinks I'm making a mountain out of a molehill.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Tinkerisdead · 08/08/2010 20:08

YANBU. I worked with a man once and he was always withdrawn and sad. I asked him whether he had children and he told me that he had had a son, and that when he was two he left him in the bath to answer the phone. He was only gone a minute to tell the caller he would ring them back and when he came back his child had drowned. Its haunted me for ten years that story, the way he said the guilt was unbearable.

Im so so stict on this with my 20 month old now, I'd go mad if my Dh left her in the bath. Again not scare mongering, just when you see how easy it can happen and how avoidable it is, I just wouldnt dare risk it.

ArthuriaAugustaDArcy · 08/08/2010 20:10

YANBU in the slightest. I would still want to be within hearing distance of my younger one now (i.e. in the next room, fetching her a towel, which takes about 10 seconds), and she's 6.

skidoodly · 08/08/2010 20:11

It is really, really dangerous to leave toddler unsupervised around water, even very shallow water.

This is an ongoing issue between DH and me, although I think I've finally convinced him to stay in the bathroom when DD is in the bath.

If he went all the way downstairs I would swing for him, I really would.

Anybody who knows anything about water safety knows the risks water poses to small children.

ChippingIn · 09/08/2010 04:18

I agree skidoodly and it's what you are always told, but it always seemed so implausible that a child could drown like that, that I was a bit Hmm but once I had read this article on silent drowning here and understood the science behind it, I have a very different attitude.

thumbwitch · 09/08/2010 04:37

Utterly irresponsible and very stupid. BAths are so slippery, it takes seconds to slip and you can drown in a couple of inches of water if you happen to be face down.
Children drown so much quicker than adults as well...

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 09/08/2010 04:45

Mmm, this one's over the line for me as well. I'll admit I nip out of the bathroom when my almost-2-year-old is in the bath, for a few seconds to turn her heater on in her bedroom so it's warm enough for her to run around naked for a bit. But it's the room next door, I can both hear her and - if I duck my head around a corner - see her at all times.

Downstairs chatting to someone is a bit scary. I have visions of them slipping and hitting their head enough to just daze them. I know that when mine's slipped before, even a little slip, she doesn't get herself up nearly as fast as I can do it for her, because she's a bit surprised and confused. So I wouldn't want to be on another floor.

nancydrewrocked · 09/08/2010 04:59

I frequently left DC in the bath whilst I "pottered" from the age of about 2 and 3.

By that age both my children were extremely water confident and could swim. The only way one of the could drown was if they knocked themselves out. Which is i) extremely unlikely and ii) a risk at any age. I certainly wouldn't suggest an 8 year old needs supervising in the bath depsite the argument that they too could slip amd drown.

ChippingIn · 09/08/2010 08:56

nancy - your post is exactly what I'd have said before reading about silent drowning - please read the link to silent drowning in my post above - it's useful for children & adults.

DetectivePotato · 09/08/2010 09:43

YANBU. I hate this. I can just about cope with DH quickly grabbing DS's cream from the next room. He is literally gone for a few seconds but if he came downstairs and had a conversation with me I would hit the roof.

It only takes seconds for a child to drown, in any small amount of water. Its just not worth the risk.

Also the hot tap thing, a friend of mine DD badly burnt her hand on the hot tap and had a massive bandage on it for ages. Don't think the mother was charged with abuse though, that seems a bit ott but then I don't know the circumstances of the case mentioned above.

ZZZenAgain · 09/08/2010 09:45

YANBU, my dh was the same

domeafavour · 09/08/2010 09:57

The chances of something happening are pretty low, but it can and does happen, there was an MNr recently whose neighbours child died, not sure if that was you monty?
For the sake of a couple of seconds, think about how you could live with yourself if anything happened?

JennyPiccolo · 09/08/2010 09:59

i very nearly drowned in the bath when i was 2 years old. Luckily our next door neighbour was a nurse and knew what to do. If we'd had to wait for an ambulance i don't know what would have happened. My mum had been out of the room for less than two minutes.

YANBU.

mamadiva · 09/08/2010 10:08

This is actually something that is making me consider telling my partner to leave because of, he is just so fecking irresponsible and says I'm being mellowdramatic about!

My DS is 4 and normally DP is in charge of bathing him but yesterday I found out that when DS is in the bath partner washes him etc then comes downstairs to roll and smoke a fag!!!

I went MAD, now it seems like yet another thing I can't trust DP to do with our son :Angry

DetectivePotato · 09/08/2010 10:12

mama Find some stories on the net about children drowning, print off as many as you can find and hand them to your DH. Cannot believe he leaves a child so he can have a fag.

ChippingIn · 09/08/2010 10:31

I'm not getting paid per referral honest Blush. If you read the link above there are stories on there that would have any reasonable person re thinking their stance on children and water...

nancydrewrocked · 10/08/2010 05:44

Chippingin I have read the silent drowning thread and it has made me change the way I behave round my children at the pool and particularly in the sea - but I don't know how that applies to the bath situation: I don't leave the room when they are in the bath on the basis that I would hear something happen.

I leave on the basis that I am confident that unless they are out cold they are not going to drown and if they knocked themselves out well that would be extremely unlikely and is a risk that applies to all age groups.

Angelic1 · 13/08/2010 16:13

absolutely right to be upset
There are too many risks involved in leaving a toddler alone
My dh & I had an issue yesterday morning where he left our ds 3 & dd 6 in his car while fetching stuff from inside the house while I was busy in the bedroom
He was defensive & said they were safe
But he had a reality check when a neighbours vehicle was stolen in front of our home last night in a matter of minutes

It really shocks me to know he would compromise the safety of our kids like that

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