to not want to make friends with my daughter's classmate's mothers?

[Motsa]

I am really looking forward to my daughter starting school, but do I really have to make friends with the other mothers? I don't like many of the usual topics of conversation and I loathe smalltalk as well as not usually being interested enough to initiate it. Once they get to know me they will find me irritating anyway as I am a complete troll. Will it really affect my daughter's life? Isn't it all about her anyway?

Laughing at that, Snobear, but I think you're right. I feel I have something in common with anyone who wears ancient Clarks shoes that have evidently been used for gardening and dog walking. I think cars are also quite a good indicator. I tend to avoid anyone in a 4x4, and I think they probably avoid me.

"In fact, I have even found that there are some really, really nice parents at my daughter's school, who - guess what? - like books and walking and music and the things I do like."
DArcy and you are both underestimating what kind of people there are in playgrounds. yes some people only like gossipy celebrity stuff. i do too. but others do not. would you like me to to talk russian to you, over the difference in writing style of tolstoy and dostoevsky? or talk about my company with their billion pound turnover this year ?
becasue you are ignorant as to what different types of people there are in the playground.

if you give it a chance you are bound to find someone you like.

Don't make that judgement too quickly. My dd started school last year and quickly made friends with a girl in her class. As a result I got chatting to her mum and as they live round the corner from us we often ended up walking to and from school together. When a I started a new job just before Christmas we had huge problems with dd as she hated going to breakfast club. My 'new' friend offered to have her in the morning instead, and I help her out after school when I can. I honestly would have really struggled, if not had to rethink my job without her.
It's also lovely having friends so near as most of ours live on the other side of town.

The parents of the children in your DD's class won't be a homogenous group who all like the same things and talk about the same stuff. There will individuals just like you, why decide in advance ?
Surely if you apply the same logic to all groups of people you will never make any friends, even trolls aren't all the same.
And to answer your question it would affect whether my DCs were friendly with yours, we have very limited time to meet up with friends outside of school and naturally I will tend to invite children whose parents I can at least have a conversation with at drop off/pick up all other things being equal.

I never did. The mums I was friends with I was friends with independant of how friendly my kids were with their kids. I work and wasn't there much anyway and tended to ignore the playground stuff, it all went over my head.
My kids still had friends to play with, but we live in a town. I can imagine you have to make more effort if you choose to live somewhere isolated. My kids always just played with local kids of similar age.

YABU- why would you voluntarily not want to make friends? Ok- peopel can be annoying but give em a chance! For your dds sake if nowt else.

I had a mother a little like you op - in that she did not make friends with the other mothers when I was at school - but I did have a life and I was not a social pariah at school.

At primary school kids are basically friends with whoever they sit next too and the friendships are fairly shallow anyway, as they get older children manage their own social lives.

I have not been very succesful at forging friendships with my sons friends mothers so far (I seem to make friends with mums with daughters and he hangs out with the boys of course!). I try to be pleasant but don't do much playdate making etc. as I find looking after 3 children age 6 and under tiring enough without dragging scores of other children home.

I really don't think it is as important as some people make out to constantly micromanage childrens inter-personal relationships. I prefer to keep on a very superficial (but pleasant) standing with ds classmates parents then I don't have too fret if ds falls out with a child with whoms mother I have become bff - would be awkward I think.

When dd starts in september I already know some of the parents of her classmates and I will use the same friendly but slightly distant tactic it suits me, on the whole.

So you are mostly reasonable op imo.

When I moved to Australia I didn't have any friends (obv) and despite going to playgroup only really made 1 good friend.

Until, that was, my dd started school. She made a friend with a little girl. Because I took the time to be pleasant to her mum, we are very close friends. We have been through a lot together in the 2 years we have known each other, more than some friends go through in a lifetime. A

I think it is a daft attitude to not want to 'make small talk' with them, you may make a very good friend!

Oblomov, um ... that was precisely my point (namely that I was misjudging people on the basis of zilch evidence, and that the OP would be advised not to do the same). And, yes, I would be glad to discuss literature in Russian any day.

Snobear - have to admit I avoid the shouty centre of attention gregarious PTA sorts at the school gate.

If you are an edge of crowd sort we would be undobtedly at the back together observing the social mileu together and going in unison.

I never knew my neighbour (six doors away) before our daughters started school together. Naturally we started walking home together and got on well. Had each others children over for play etc. Before the end of the school year I very suddenly got sick and ended up in hospital.

My in-laws, sisters and various friends were on hand to look after our children but this woman who I only knew 7 months or so started bringing my eldest to school and home again. It was such a huge help. Of course we didn't know this was going to happen but we all need people in our lives, I don't believe these people who say there is no community any more. Don't be so quick to write off people you dont know.

you have been reading too much MN about the school gate shite

do you work, as if so you'll never see them anyway

I genuinely don't get it...why would the other parents be any different to you?

Hello-- ( lurker alert ) :-)
My DD started last Sep and , although smile and occasional hi I also don't get involved with all the 'alpha mum' crap--she goes for tea occasionally and I return the favour but that's it. I found I have nothing in common with these women apart form a child the same age so it doesn't mean you have to friends or like them. I started with an open mind- didn't like them and decided to be friendly but aloof. It's hard enough when they're off to school for the first time anyway so don't worry about whether they like you or visa versa. And remember the mother who is apparantly the perfect little organiser/socialiser probably is not super-mum- so don't judge your inside against other people's outsides
:-)