Knickers

[PenelopeTitsDropped]

DD has been asked (repeatedly) to clean her room since 9am this morning.
She's now gone off ice skating with friends and they are all coming back here for snacks afterwards.

I've just gone up to her room and she hasn't done a thing. Dirty clothes all over the floor, rubbish everywhere etc.

So I've gathered up all her dirty underwear and hung them on a pole out of her bedroom window.

Later, I'll clean her room and pay myself £6 an hour, by raiding her piggybank.

AIBU ?

depends - how old is she?

I stopped fretting about messy rooms years ago tbh.

I wouldn't clean it for her and certainly wouldn't raid her piggybank for doing something she clearly doesn't care about.

Um, I do think you are being ABU.

Your daughter's behaviour is unacceptable. But I don't think you acting childishly is the way to solve the problem.

I recommend the book How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk if you're stuck for ideas on conflict resolution.

How old is she?

Does it actually matter if her room is tidy?

Just shut the door, and refuse to wash anything that doesn't find its own way to the laundry basket.

You could offer your services as a cleaner (at a suitably extortionate rate) but I wouldn't just take money without warning.

She's 11.

I have to clean the room; we're being inundated by guests on Sunday night and her room is being used by friends with a 5 week old baby.
At present it's a health and safety issue.

I'll raid the piggybank on the basis of obtaining pocketmoney under false pretences.

I know I'm acting childishly; I'm getting in touch with my inner child.

YANBU

Presumably she is old enough and responsible enough to go ice skating with friends.

Yanbu - buy chocolate / wine with your hard earned cash - my DCs rooms are a state and it drives me mad

So you think embarrassing your daughter when her friends come around and see her underwear on a pole is the way to go?

Also, I can see that monetary 'cleaner pay' is an option, but surely this has to be discussed first?

Just tell her she wont go out again unless it is tidy as this morning you were disappointed in her behaviour - NOT the not tidying of the room, but her not doing as you requested, as she may place a different value on being tidy, especially if you do it for her. she may think you tidying and her paying for it quite reasonable which doesnt solve your problem! Maybe explain to her the beifits of a tidy room - i.e. you can find things, washing gets done, no embarrassment when friends come round and think it is stinky etc?

YABU not nice to embarrass her in front of her friends

The underwear thing is a bit off to be fair, at that age she will be mortified beyond what she deserves.

Personally I would have checked her room before she went skating, and not let her go if it had been messy.

yabu, she is 11 and old enough to realise messy room = no friends round. Agree a level of cleanliness that you are both happy with so she can have her mates back to her room, rest of the time shut the door. Your op did make me !

I'm sure she would be just as embarrased if her friends went catapulting headlong into the walls as they tripped their feet in the leg holes of her drawers, strewn liberally around the floor.
I am sure the dirty grundies would be under far more scrutiny in that circumstance, than the mere breeze flapping display that they are getting now.

Inevitable I fear

And then I'd have Emergency services, SS and god knows who else treating all the injured children/making enquiries re the headwounds.

Doesn't bear thinking about.

If the mess is in their room I leave it now tbh.

I tell them when I´m going to do a wash & that anything not in the washbox by that time won´t get done.

I think having her friends see how bad her room was would have been enough.

I never stress over messy rooms ..just shut the door on it ..

YABU

If she's old enough to be entirely responsible for her room, swhe's old enough to take the consequences of it being a mess.

She'd been warned that I would do it; at least three times Porcelain; and was advised that it was last and final warning.

I didn't get the chance to check the room as I've been at the office this morning and DH was "supervising".

hang Dh's pants out the window then. Don't mortify a preteen.SHe will hate you forever.

the underwear thing is not on. cleaning it and taking pocket money for it is okay, grounding her from having friends round okay.. but the underwear thing is too extreme. next time check the room before letting her go out? then if not done you can say sorry but stay home and clean it.
i do understand that you want it clean and dont agree about just close the door let them live in mess, it doesnt give them good habits and why shouldnt they keep their room atleast medium level clean and tidy when you are doing everything for them feeding and giving roof over head etc. it teaches them self respect and respect of their own things to keep it tidy..

I feel for you.

I dont want a perfect home (well I do but I realise its not going to happen). But my DS1's room is a health hazard. It smell really sour and anything that goes in gets broken.

Because his room is so vile he also looks dirty and scruffy. I dont mind cooly unkempt but sometimes he looks like he is homeless.

It drives me mad. I allow him a lot of privacy because I had none growing up. My mum used to go through my things and rearrange my room, throw out my stuff etc. I vowed I would never do that with mine.

But his room is disgusting.

I dont think I can offer any advice really . We have tried just about everything. He just doesnt care.

I have 3 teen dds and all their rooms have been disgusting for years. I honestly can't remember the colour of the carpet in dd1's bedroom, not having seen it in living memory. I have given up getting angry. The only time I lose it is when we have run out of mugs or cereal bowls and it takes hours to track them down under the mess! If I need any of the rooms for visitors then I feel it's my responsibility to fumigate/steam clean etc. Likewise when they want friends sleeping over, they do it. Par for the course I'm afraid Penny

the knickers thing is humiliating and i dont think humiliation is a good form of punishment. Why was she allowed to go iceskating before she had cleaned it?

My DS's room was totally gutted and made over by a tv makeover team. A few weeks later it looked the same greyish colour and smelt exactly the same as before.

At that point I realised there was nothing much I could do.

It still upsets me a lot though. I cant help it.

i'm more am amazed that you have a 'pole'!!! how come,whats it for??

Ah Penelope, in that case I would ground her from her next outing for not doing the room, and the one after for going out when she knew full well she shouldn't have been because her room wasn't done.
Generally I would say mess is just a side effect of teenagers, but if she knows that the room needs to be tidy for visitors she should be sorting it out.

Getting in touch with me inner child
Love it, (makes note to use it)
YANBU