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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to make my kids eat dinner on their own? I think so :(

33 replies

MathsMadMummy · 07/08/2010 08:50

wondering where the MN jury stands on this.

my DH leaves for work at 7.30am and returns at 6.30p-ish. he therefore doesn't get a lot of time with DD, 3.1. he sees more of DS, 11m, as he's a boob addict and doesn't go to sleep until 10ish Confused which we obviously want to change.

a while ago we discussed whether I should do the kids' dinner at, say, 6, so we can get on with bath/stories/bed earlier (ATM we never have time for baths) but we decided against it because we felt having dinner together is important.

but it's not working out :( it's quite stressful TBH, the table is always a mess so we're not all sitting together, DD ends up refusing to eat (and she's not actually a fussy eater at all!) and DH snaps at her, and it just drags out.

I don't know, maybe I'm massively overthinking this? is it really so bad for them to eat dinner earlier? I'm hoping we can then replace family dinnertime with more relaxing evenings, DH can have a quick play with the kids while I get the bath ready etc...

AIBU to change it? or AIBU to be getting worked up over it? (hoping it's the latter...)

off out now but would appreciate your thoughts TIA

OP posts:
LadyintheRadiator · 07/08/2010 08:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Librashavinganotherbiscuit · 07/08/2010 08:55

I would swap to relaxed evenings during the week (can DH actually do bathtime) and then eat together during the weekend.

AllThreeWays · 07/08/2010 08:55

Could you do bath before dinner, and have dinner in their pj's?

Seona1973 · 07/08/2010 08:55

we never all eat together during the week as dh gets in between 6.30 and 7pm. I feed the kids at 5/5.30pm and then me and dh have dinner after they have gone to bed - he cooks our dinner. I have breakfast and lunch with them and sit with them and a cup of tea while they eat dinner. We all eat together at the weekends.

TitsalinaBumSquash · 07/08/2010 08:56

In our house the kids eat by themsleves in the week then at weekend we have familt dinners at lunchtime.

Its just not practical for us to wait until dp gets in at 6pm to eat the kids are winding down for bed then they dont need to be up at the table having a big dinner.

YANBU.

spanxaremyonlyfriend · 07/08/2010 08:59

How about they have their dinner early and you sit with them then when your DH gets home you can all sit down together and have a drink and a piece of toast or something. Like nursery tea plus supper instead of dinner.

emy72 · 07/08/2010 09:00

I have 4 little ones and they all eat together at 5pm as they are all tucked up in bed by 7:30pm at the latest and it's dinner, bath and bed!

We do try and eat together at weekends, but I don't feel bad that they don't eat with us most of the time. It's just not practical!

I think you'll find that when they are older it will be a lot easier to eat together and actually enjoy it without the mess/fuss etc

We could eat together with our 4 and 5 year old now, but we don't do it as the 2 year old and the baby make it too stressful!

Acanthus · 07/08/2010 09:04

Eating together in the week is a non-starter. They're too hungry and too close to bed time. Give up, feed them earlier, sit with them while they eat and eat together at weekends. That way you'll have a stress free evening which is far nicer.

tiredlady · 07/08/2010 09:09

Making young dc wait till 7.00pm for dinner is bonkers.

At this age, feed them much earlier, then have dinner with just your dh.

There will be years and years of family dinners ahead of you.

YANBU at all

Isawthreeships · 07/08/2010 09:12

Why not sit and eat an early dinner with the children during the week? DH could help with bathtime when he gets in and then eat his dinner once your DD is asleep - you could join him in a glass of wine if you are worried about him eating alone.

Seona 1973 - why do you cook two different meals in the evening? Could you cook for the whole family and then reheat for you/ your DP later?

Original poster
MathsMadMummy · 07/08/2010 09:18

thanks all. I guess I was just getting hung up on it Blush I have a nice image of us all sitting down together and talking about the day but I guess we can switch to that when they're older.

in my family I always ate with my parents which was good IMO... but thinking about it, this was easier for my parents because I never ever had a bedtime, even as a toddler Shock - which obviously isn't ideal, so swings and roundabouts I guess!

OP posts:
Seona1973 · 07/08/2010 09:20

I dont cook twice - I cook for the kids and we have something different later that dh cooks - normally something the kids wouldnt eat like curry, spicy fajitas, paella, etc (he is the one who enjoys cooking)

Original poster
MathsMadMummy · 07/08/2010 09:22

ATM DD has nursery 2 afternoons a week, 1-6pm so we would have to just eat something super quick on those nights (hoping to switch her hours to 9-3 though as she was getting too tired)

I'd definitely like to keep the same meals for all of us, so I guess I'll try and stick to stuff that can easily be reheated.

thanks again for the reassurance, though I feel a bit silly now Blush

OP posts:
MarthaQuest · 07/08/2010 09:23

I have 2 dcs (8 and 18 mos) and on weekdays, I get dinner on the table for them and myself by about 5.

DH then eats separately when he gets back from work, normally around 7.

it's not ideal, but we make more of an effort at weekends. Also, i think he likes having his dinner infront of the news and in peace!

Original poster
MathsMadMummy · 07/08/2010 09:27

right. I'll discuss with DH today then :)

I think I'd rather eat later with DH personally but I like the idea of having a snack while they eat.

hopefully we'll be able to get DS to bed earlier and then DH and I can actually have adult time!

OP posts:
Isawthreeships · 07/08/2010 09:30

It's whatever works for you, at the end of the day, MMM. Not worth getting worked up over.

Seona - I understood that you and your DH cook a meal each, just don't get why you would cook two dinners in one household? Will your children really not eat the same food that you do?

PositiveVibes · 07/08/2010 09:31

Almost everyone I know feeds their DCs around 5.30-6pm, then eats dinner with their partner after the DCs have gone to bed.

DH gets in at around 7pm and there's no way our two (6 and 8) could wait till then to eat. I cook their tea at 5, sit with them while they eat and I have a cup of tea, we all talk about the day etc. When DH comes in we tend to have "snacks" like cheese and crackers etc with him around 7.30pm before they go to bed, so they get time to chat with him too. We eat together at the weekends.

I don't get the thing about the table being a mess Confused.

When I talk about this with my dad he always insists that my sister and I and my parents always sat down together and ate dinner every evening. Funny though because I remember eating jam sandwiches for tea in front of Jackanory!! Smile I think I turned out ok though.....

PositiveVibes · 07/08/2010 09:34

BTW, I do quite often cook different things for DH and I in the evenings, I like really spicy food which the DCs are not keen on. If I do a casserole or something I just reheat it for DH and me later though.

Original poster
MathsMadMummy · 07/08/2010 09:38

I guess the table thing is just a symptom of the fact DH and I are horrendously stressed out and exhausted and disorganised and crap at housework and the house is a tip... a whole other thread really :( Blush :(

but hey, if we sort out the dinner/bath/bed thing, hopefully that'll help us improve in other areas eh? fingers crossed :)

OP posts:
Firawla · 07/08/2010 09:43

really its fine, most people feed them earlier to get them in bed at a decent time.
even 6.30 is quite early for your dh coming home, lots come way later which just makes it impossible to even consider (i would never consider it he comes soo late) so i dont see the need to feel guilty, when they are a bit older you will able to eat all together

gingernutlover · 07/08/2010 09:45

my dh is normally in by 6 and if I cant have dinner on the table for 6 for all of us some days (i work 3 days) then dd has a sandwich/beans on toast while we sit with a cuppa and then we eat later. After 6pm is just too late for little children to eat IMO. We all eat together at weekends and I think thats fine.

isthatporridgeinyourhair · 07/08/2010 09:48

I feed my 2 DCs at about 5 because they just can't wait. I then get them bathed and DH and I eat at about 6.30 when he comes home - the DCs sit at the table with us (with a snack or fruit) and we have a family chat.

If you can get a bit of time on your own you'll feel a lot better about things. Housework is much overrated IMHO! Don't beat yourself up about it.

Original poster
MathsMadMummy · 07/08/2010 15:06

thanks again. talked to DH and he's said it's a good idea - I pointed out that even though he'd probably get less actual time with the DCs in the evening, but it'd be less stressful and quality is more important than quantity :)

will try doing dinner at 5.45ish and see how that goes. should point out - I agree that they were having dinner too late Blush - it's only become more of an issue in the last few weeks though, as DD suddenly dropped her 2hr nap Envy

OP posts:
Chandon · 07/08/2010 15:28

only mad DM readers (and my mum) preach about eating together as a family being really REALLy life-and-death important.

Most people just do what suits them.

My DC have dinner together at 6, my DH is home at 7, and we have dinner at 8.

thefirstmrsDeVere · 07/08/2010 16:19

MMM if you are as stressed as you say, and you seem a bit overwhelmed by the housework etc,

why worry yourself about one more thing that really doesnt matter?

It is nice to have dinner together but only if dinner time is nice and relaxed. It defeats the object if it stressess you out [mile]

Have a nice tea time with the kids, a relaxed bedtime routine and then a nice meal with OH. Sorted.

You can change it gradually as they get older.