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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH wornt stay in hospital with DD for one night

44 replies

heathermumof3 · 06/08/2010 15:39

Ok my DD has been in hospital since tuesday might come home tomorrow might not. Now my husband could not stat all week cause he was working 6 to 2 shift. He has been moaning that he has had it hard getting stuff from home for our DD and me. He then comes up about 3:30 stays till 6 then goes home.
His mum has our other DC so the house can't be a mess and he has no children to look after.
Now I've been here have not slepted had 1 shower and looking after our baby girl. Seen has he does not have work tomorrow I asked him to stop tonight. I'll stay untill she has fell asleep and had her obs and then pick my DC up and come back first thing in the morning. I could realy do with a bath and a sleep. But yet he says no because he has been at work :(

OP posts:
FoghornLeghorn · 06/08/2010 15:41

Hmm Insist !!! You must be absolutely exhausted. Hope you're DD is on the mend soon :)

GypsyMoth · 06/08/2010 15:41

nice!

his priority isnt his family then.

i dont see what you can do really,certainly cant force him

ChocHobNob · 06/08/2010 15:42

That's really mean. When my eldest was in hospital, me and my H actually had crossed words about who would stay with him because we both wanted to stay but had another one at home. You are not being unreasonable to ask and he is vering very unreasonable to not share the responsibility, especially as you have compromised on waiting until he wasn't at work. He is being unreasonable (IMO) to NOT want to stay with his DD when she's poorly.

Hope she's better soon x

ChocHobNob · 06/08/2010 15:43

being very unreasonable

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 06/08/2010 15:43

No, YANBU

He, on the other hand, is being childish and unbelievably selfish, and is need of a good kick up the bum. I am very cross on your behalf Sad

mumoffourgirls · 06/08/2010 15:46

Tell him not to be so bloody selfish Angry, she is his daughter too and you need a break..... Needs a good kick up the arse..

mumoffourgirls · 06/08/2010 15:47

Hope she is better soon xx

MathsMadMummy · 06/08/2010 15:48

what everyone else said. hope she recovers asap x

Gigantaur · 06/08/2010 15:51

he is a selfish cunt.

I would be telling him he either stays at the hospital with his daughter or he fucks off to a park bench.

I hope your DD is well enough to come home soon.

sarah293 · 06/08/2010 15:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

TheCrackFox · 06/08/2010 15:53

What an arsehole. Has he always been such a lazy, selfish bastard?

Hope your DD is better soon.xx

Al1son · 06/08/2010 15:56

My DH did exactly the same when I was in with DD1 aged 6 for 2 weeks after misdiagnosed appendicitis. I was also caring for DD2 who was 4 months old and EBF.

When DD1 came out of theatre after long op to remove abscess and was hooked up to all kinds of gubbins he decided it was too traumatic for him and went home leaving me with DD1 groggy, in pain, scared and upset and DD2 unsettled and crying. Thanks mate. Thank god for the nurses who were lovely and helped as much as they could.

In the end I decided that I'd rather he wasn't there under duress as she would be better of with a tired, stressed and slightly grubby me than a grumpy him.

I actually think he was scared of the responsibility. No excuse in my book but there you go.

PfftTheMagicDragon · 06/08/2010 15:57

He's having a nice rest at home isn't he?

I would tell him that if he isn't going to stay overnight in the hospital, he should be collecting your other children aftre work and looking after them. Not sitting on his arse watching TV.

It's not on - being in hospital with them is exhausting. DD was in recently and DH would look after DS all day then come in and take over from me, stay with DD all night, then get up and go to work in the morning. It just needs to be done.

isthatporridgeinyourhair · 06/08/2010 15:59

What a total arse. Hope your DD is better soon.

thefirstmrsDeVere · 06/08/2010 16:11

My DD was very ill for 2 years. She spent most of that time in hospital.

I stayed with her all the time. She never spent a day on her own.

I made the HUGE mistake of shielding DH from just how difficult it was. He thought I spent the time watching DVDs and eating takeaways while he had the hard job of watching the boys.

I didnt want him to know just how awful it was and how traumatic it could be.

I thought I was doing the right thing because it was so dreadful I didnt see the point of both of us having that stuff in our heads.

But it was a mistake. I wore myself to the point of breakdown, he resented me having it 'easy', he never got to know what it was like and thus could not share the pain with me after she was gone.

SO rambling as I am, YANBU. He MUST do his share. He really must.

You need a break.

I wish your DD well very soon.

MABS · 06/08/2010 16:20

dreadful! my ds is having mojor surgery in 4 weeks, dh and i won't leave his side for the 2 weeks he is in there i know, we will do shifts with him.

Gigantaur · 06/08/2010 16:33

didn't MrMabs turn down a fantastic life altering promotion so that he could ensure his ability to be with his son? That is what a real father does.

I think this man needs to take himself outside and have a few words about his priorities.

thefirstmrsDeVere · 06/08/2010 16:35

I think I made out my OH to be a bit rubbish.

I should add that when DD came home for her last weeks he took over all the meds etc so I could just 'be' with her.

expatinscotland · 06/08/2010 16:36

Don't ask him then.

Fuck him.

TELL HIM. You're staying, I'm going home or get to fuck.

ASecretLemonadeDrinker · 06/08/2010 16:41

Crikey, my Dh is a wally at the best of times but before I was induced with DS3 on a Monday he worked 5 hours sat. night, 12 hours on the sunday, 5 hours the sunday night then came with me at 9am to start the induction. Fair enough he nodded off when I was in labour Grin but it wasn't a massive deal to him - all he had to do was sit in a chair all day and doze. It's not as if your DH is doing 16 hours days, looking after the other DCs etc. then crashing out exhausted each night - I am shocked. Hope your DD is ok x

Original poster
heathermumof3 · 06/08/2010 16:46

Thank you all I have laid the law down now he is stopping. She will be fine just keep picking up infections so not been able to get home but she is in te best place.

DH will stay now after our words ;)

just needed to let my frustation out thank god for mobile Internet

OP posts:
Morloth · 06/08/2010 16:52

What a prick.

DH wouldn't do this, if he did I really don't know if I would ever bother with him again TBH.

I have always said the time I fully realised how much I loved him was when he was covered in vomit and poo and we were at the A&E at 3am.

Your DH is being a selfish twonk.

Morloth · 06/08/2010 16:53

Good, make sure you have a long hot shower and a good sleep.

MABS · 06/08/2010 17:01

you are so right Gigantuar :(

so pleased its sorted Heather and she getting better

Lizcat · 06/08/2010 17:17

Glad he's doing it after good nights sleep you will feel much better (though when it was me I did cry myself to sleep, but slept well) and much more able to deal with it all.