DH wornt stay in hospital with DD for one night

[heathermumof3]

Ok my DD has been in hospital since tuesday might come home tomorrow might not. Now my husband could not stat all week cause he was working 6 to 2 shift. He has been moaning that he has had it hard getting stuff from home for our DD and me. He then comes up about 3:30 stays till 6 then goes home.
His mum has our other DC so the house can't be a mess and he has no children to look after.
Now I've been here have not slepted had 1 shower and looking after our baby girl. Seen has he does not have work tomorrow I asked him to stop tonight. I'll stay untill she has fell asleep and had her obs and then pick my DC up and come back first thing in the morning. I could realy do with a bath and a sleep. But yet he says no because he has been at work :(

Glad he is doing it.

If this were our DD wild horses couldn't keep DH away from her side.

when my dd was in hospital Dh and I argued about who would be staying in.

I won (I needed to be there for my DD) and I wouldn't have backed down.

It was easily the worst time of my life but I would never have forgiven myself if I had gone home and something bad happened to her.

I just want to say to all those with sick DC, that although I've had no experience of any of this, and I can't imagine what you have gone through, my heart and thoughts are with you all.

He's not doing you a favour, either. It's his kid.

It's like those people who claim they are helping you or babysitting by doing their fair share and looking after their own damn kids.

Agree with all others who say he was being a prick/twat etc.

What does he do? When DD1 was admitted into hospital severely dehydrated DH called his work and told them he would not be going to a very important meeting as his dd was ill and they either hold it without him or reschedule.
I did the daytime with dd2 and he did the nights.

He didn't get paid as he took it as unpaid special leave, so it left us worse off but also meant that we were both there for DD.
You shouldn't have had ot have words, he shoudl have offered to take fair turns.

it ges better just got home house is a shit hole. cans,spoons and colouring book on the sofa where it was when I left it Tuesday morning. Washing up to be done, ironing beds not made fuck all

Then he is pissed because she is upset from her meds and says if she carrys on then ill have too come back. I can see divorce on the table if he carrys on fed up of his stupid selfish pigheaded attitude.

rant over

You'll have to come back?!

DON'T ANSWER YOUR PHONE! TURN THE RINGER OFF. TURN YOUR MOBILE OFF, TOO.

Fuck that! Leave it all, get a bath and go to bed, with earplugs.

In fact, if possible, go to bed at a friend's house, with strict instructions not to wake you, so that if his book ass comes home to demand you pick up the slack for his lazy ass, you aren't home.

What a fuckwit.

Christ, was he always such a nobber?

So sorry to hear that heather :(
He really needs to get his act together. He is acting like a tosser at the moment. Hope you get a rest tonight and don't have to go back in. It is so hard when they're in hospital.

I'd actually book a hotel in your case.

sorry your having a rough time I've been there with my ex-p but if its any consolation dd will know its you that put in the effort - maybe not now but when she's older and asks.

Have a good nights sleep and let us know how you and dd are tomorrow.

I am not going to make excuses for him. I dont know him and he may well the total knobhead he seems to be,

BUT:

He might be acting like a prick because he is upset about DD being ill. Not a good reason I know, you have to cope without having a tantrum.

As I sort of mentioned before, my OH really thought I was living the life of Reilly while he was at home with the other DCs. So he didnt do much in the way of housework. He didnt even tidy up DD's hospital room because 'it will give her something to do'.
OH is really not a knobhead. He just didnt have the first fucking clue. He thought I was being the lazy one. He later realised this was not the case. I should have shown him the reality of caring for a sick child earlier.

Just a few thoughts.

Have a rest x

Heather - fucking hell. What a total wanker. Divorce on the cards - I should bloody well think so. I couldn't live with a man who cared so little for his child, a man that sees staying in hospital with her for the night as a chore - that comforting her when she has had her meds is something 'the wife' should do - mind you, if he's normally this fucking detached it's no wonder she's not finding any comfort in having him there.

As for leaving the house in that state when he's had so much free time - he should be ashamed of himself (I know from recent threads that some other posters would think that was tidy enough, but I don't and clearly from your post you don't, so the least he could have done was tidy/clean up to it's normal standard - he's had hours this week child free to do it!!). I hope you aren't cleaning up - he can go home sometime over the weekend, tidy, change the beds and clean the house!

total twat, i agree with the book a htwel suggestion

Heather, get some sleep and some food (go eat out) then head back to the hospital when you are ready. Do NOT start doing the housework. Your OH can do that when he gets back.

Leave it. Repeat, leave it.

how are you heather?

Oh my word!
I hope all of you that are shouting divorce and life on a park bench are just demonstrating their outrage with words and aren't even slightly serious about such suggestions.
If not I'm utterly astonished.

Heather, fair play your OH is behaving very badly, heaven only knows what's going through his head to think his behaviour is acceptable.

I personally agree with those wh have said, do not tidy up, switch off your phone, have a hot bath, a good meal and some sleep.
It's the best thing you can do for your family. You'll have enough energy to get back to the hospital and look after DD and take over from your OH, OH will have a proper look at life as the parent of a sick child in hospital and realise it's no party and when he gets home and has to tidy up will hopefully get some idea that there is work to be done by both parents of a sick child. Don't pick up the slack he's produced, but I wouldn't divorce him either. (IMO) being a parent is a learning experience, if you shield him from the harder parts of that experience he'll never know. Ideally he'd be wading in their to have the experience but he isn't and that doesn't mean it's your job to take over for him. A dirty house won't hurt anybody but being there for your daughter when she's ill (both of you) has to be the top priority whether he likes it or not.

Just to throw in another facet to this, has OH ever been in hospital as a child? What did his parents do if he was?

I just ask as when I was in hospital with DD who was 2, I was horrified that a little girl (aged between 4-6, I can't be sure as my dd was only 2 and I guess I wasn't a great judge of older childrens age) was left alone for the 2 nights I was there. Both her parents opted to leave her. When they did come in they read magazines, chatted amoungst themselves and barely said more to her than to tell her off. I don't know if that little girl will grow up and treat her children in the same way or if she'll demand to be with them, but it made me wonder.