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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that if I knocked on my neighbours door where baby's screaming it's head off few times a day

31 replies

kayah · 05/08/2010 13:01

for the last few weeks I would get a black eye

I think parents have enough of it too, and me offering help (I don't know them) would just infuriate them

OP posts:
SirBoobAlot · 05/08/2010 13:03

I'm confused... Are you asking for justification for not going round? How very odd...

BoysAreLikeDogs · 05/08/2010 13:03

I had a Screamer

bless you for wanting to help

take some cakes over, too

Original poster
kayah · 05/08/2010 13:05

not for justification for going around, more liek if I went and offered my help - I am sure they would think I am nosey...

but cookies may help to break the barr ier

OP posts:
Colliecross · 05/08/2010 13:54

Couldn't you say something casually in passing?

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 05/08/2010 13:57

if you had a screamer, Boys, would you have welcomed a neighbour's help? Is there a way to go about it to sort of check if it's a colicky-baby-and-frazzled-parents scenario or a baby-being-neglected/beaten scenario, without offending the parents? I have no idea, obviously.

Secondtimelucky · 05/08/2010 13:58

So you want to sympathise with them, possibly offer things that worked for you?

Could you go round with a peace offering, like cake. "I hear you've been having a tough time with the baby. I've been there and lived to tell the tale, but it required lots of sugar so I thought some cake might help.."

Tis nice to make friends with neighbours.

BornToFolk · 05/08/2010 13:59

How old's the baby? Could you go round with a congratulations card and ask how things are going?
Obviously wouldn't work if the baby was 6 months old...

SalFresco · 05/08/2010 14:02

I'd think you were bloody cheeky!

ExitPursuedByABear · 05/08/2010 14:02

I was a screamer - albeit 50 years ago, and my mum's neighbour used to come round and jiggle me for a while whilst my mum cooked tea/cleaned/whatever. She usually had to do it with me on her hip. But they were friendly and of course things were different then. I am sure they would appreciate it. Go with Secondtimelucky's advice.

sanielle · 05/08/2010 14:03

ooh risky op! bring wine (not for the baby, although that would probably help) and cake.

latrucha · 05/08/2010 14:04

They are probably dreading hearing that their neighbours can hear the baby crying. This might make it more likely you'll be punched!

My mum's neighbour threatened to punch her as they thought my brother was making too much noise

Can you accidentally on purpose bump into them and get in an unjudgemental, 'Been there, done that' line and see what develops?

Or a card for a recently born baby.

sleepwhenidie · 05/08/2010 14:09

I think I would be grateful for help (and sugar/wine!)and very relieved you didn't feel cross that you were being disturbed!

mumblechum · 05/08/2010 14:20

How well do you know them? If you're on friendly terms, I think it would be fine to go round and offer to do the pushing to & fro in the pram thing or soemthing for a while so the mum could get on. I do vol. work for Barnardos and that's all I did for the first couple of weeks with one poor knackered mum of twins

Original poster
kayah · 05/08/2010 14:21

I am not cross with them at all - more like feeling that my rocking technique could help

our gardens meet, we are not really on the same part of the street but round the corner from each other
so not in speaking distance (if you know what I mean)

OP posts:
BoysAreLikeDogs · 05/08/2010 14:25

yy I would have been v grateful indeed

It can't hurt to offer, even if the parents say sling yer hook at least you have been neighbourly and rather kind

Babieseverywhere · 05/08/2010 14:25

Is you turn up with a nice cake and offer your services as babysitter, surely they would just say no if uninterested ?

mumblechum · 05/08/2010 14:25

Must be one hell of a screamer if their property is not physically connected to yours.

knickers0nmyhead · 05/08/2010 14:26

my ds is a screamer, and he is nearly two. I always worry what my neighbours think, him screaming because he cant get his own way, and me shouting because I have had. It. All. Day.

Not really sure how I would feel if neighbour came round.

BoysAreLikeDogs · 05/08/2010 14:33

mumblechum you are not wrong

child # 1 - a dream, small whimpers and squeaks

child #2 - dear lord my ears practically bled

latrucha · 05/08/2010 14:35

TBH if a stranger came round and offered to look after my newborn, I wouldn't say yes. Maybe take over a meal. I adored friends who did this for me.

It's hard enough to cook with a wee baby,let alone a screamer.

Oblomov · 05/08/2010 14:47

ds2 cried all night. from 6pm to 6am, off and on, all night from week 2 to week 13.
If you are particularly friendly i would have welcomed the support. if not it just looks like sanctimonious, judgemntal scorn.

Wanttofly · 05/08/2010 15:05

I would have loved to have someone come help me.

I think it would be realy nice of you.

Take cake and hot choclate with you, that should work too

poppymouse · 05/08/2010 15:14

I think I would have cried tears of relief that someone was prepared to give me a little respite. My neighbs have offered to babysit when they knew I was having a struggle, I haven't taken them up on it but it is so good to know you have people around ready to help. The first time DH took DS out for a few hours while I cleared the house up I swear I could hear DS crying even though he wasn't there.

Good if you can bump into them, have a chat and offer to push the pram or whatever, if they say no, don't think it didn't mean a lot that you offered.

PosieParker · 05/08/2010 15:17

Do it....take food and sympathy and age old 'reflux' advice.

TonariNoTotoro · 05/08/2010 15:20

I think it would be lovely if you went round. I wouldn't let a neighbor look after DS when tiny, but if someone came over with a meal/chocolates/similar I'd be very very happy!

(as long as there was no 'i've noticed your baby crying a lot and wondering if you needed a hand?' as this will come across as 'you're neglecting your child and I'm better at parenting than yow!' )