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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To turn job down because of my children

42 replies

iliketodance · 05/08/2010 09:55

I feel bad but really wanted a job when dd started school in September,she will be doing mornings and son will already be at school.
Sent CV of on Saturday phone call Monday,I trurned the chance of an interview down because I panicked, realising it would be all my money in the holidays and would not be worth it.
Aibu to wait till my dd starts September and settle into playgroup and then find a job?.

OP posts:
BollockBrain · 05/08/2010 09:56

what do you mean all your money in the holidays?

foureleven · 05/08/2010 09:57

It depends how much money you have to do this?

If you can afford it then why the hell not.

But if you cant then its rather foolish as finding a job is not easy right now as Im sure you know.

Threelittleducks · 05/08/2010 09:58

No. YANBU. You have to do what feels right for you or it's going to affect how you feel about the job. Im a firm believer in the fact that you have to be happy with what you do and if this involves making compromises that you are not happy with then the answer is simple - don't do it.

And feel good about it.

No need for you to feel guilty/bad. Just feel good that you did what you thought was right.

(easier said than done, I know. am constantly justifying stuff to myself in this way.)

Ragwort · 05/08/2010 09:59

Surely even if you were offered the job after the interview it would be unlikely to start immediately? Most employers take up references etc which will take time. Its always worth going for an interview if you are selected - good practice at least .

2rebecca · 05/08/2010 10:01

Surely if the interview is now in August they wouldn't expect you to start until September earliest anyway? Usually the interviews are at least a month before the expected starting date and people usually have to give at least a months notice in a new job. When they phoned you about the interview did you tell them you wouldn't want to start until September?
I suspect you weren't that keen on the job as to me 1 month of childcare is a small price to pay for a job you enjoy and may be in for many years.

Original poster
iliketodance · 05/08/2010 10:18

The amount I would earn in one hour would of covered both children to have been looked after by a childminder in the holidays therefore I would of been working for nothing.
They knew it would of been September I would of started ,it was the rest of the holidays as explained above that would of been a problem.

OP posts:
foureleven · 05/08/2010 10:20

So they knew it was september that you would have started but that would have been a problem?

Then i guess it depends onhow much you wanted the job as to whether it was foolish to miss out on it or not. And also how many other opportunities there are out there for you?

BollockBrain · 05/08/2010 10:21

whatever job you take will have the childminder problem though.

babybouncer · 05/08/2010 10:33

I'm not sure what answer you want here. Almost all jobs continue during school holidays, so the childminder issue will arise whatever. It really depends on why you applied for the job in the first place - was it something that interested you? Were you feeling that you wanted to use your brain a bit more or have a non-child outlet? Were you afraid you would be lonely once your children were at school/playgroup? Did you want to make some extra money?

If it was the last, then you were absolutely right to turn down the job, but if it was any of the others, then the fact you wouldn't get much money over after childcare (at least to begin with) isn't as important.

Honestly, why did you turn the interview down? Were you nervous about the interview process? Did you realise the job wasn't what you wanted? Did you panic about 'deserting' your children? Did you worry about your ability to do the job? Did you decide it didn't pay well enough?

Be honest here. These are all legitimate concerns, but sometimes we need to take a deep breath and jump in despite the fear, rather than using our kids as an excuse (I know I've been guilty of this in the past!).

You are absolutely not unreasonable to decide that you do not want to go back to work because you want to be at home with your kids after school and in the holidays, as you need to go with what is right for you. But make sure that really is the reason and not an excuse.

zandy · 05/08/2010 10:38

So at the moment you get no money, either in the holidays or in term time.

If you get the job, you will have money, but in the holidays you will actually have to spend it.

The rest of the time you will have money to spare.

GeekOfTheWeek · 05/08/2010 10:41

YABU

Unless you are earning a significnt amount then tax credits will pay towards childcare.

GreatBallsOfFluff · 05/08/2010 10:52

YABU if you turned it down because of the cost of childcare.

Having been on IS for 4 years, and now working fulltime, despite DD being in childcare full time during all the holidays and breakfast and afterschool club 5 days a week during term time, I am so much better off financially. Granted there is no way on earth I would be able to afford all the childcare if it wasn't for WTC/CTC - it costs nearly as much as I earn each week.

In myself I'm so much better off as well, as I needed the 'adult' time. Now I value every minute I have with DD as ti's so much more special.

GetOrfMoiLand · 05/08/2010 10:55

You can't just turn down a job becauase of childcare. It is very short sighted.

Yiu have to accept that if you have kids and want to work then, yes, childcare is a cost you have to absorb. I basically worked to pay childcare and rent for the first 5 years of dd's life.

You do reap the benefit though of remaining in the workplace when they are older, and you don't have childcare costs any more.

If they offer you the job now, surely they will have to wait for someone to complete their notice period anyway, so can't imagine you will be required before Sept anyway.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 05/08/2010 11:00

I don't understand what you mean, if it wasn't to start until September then the rest of this summer holidays isn't relevant. If you are thinking of school holidays throughout the year, well surely that's going to be the case whether you start a job in September, or whether you start looking in September?
There is no guarantee that you will get the first, second or even third or fourth job that you get interviewed for, so IMO it would have been good to at least go to the interview for practise and maybe some feedback on your CV.

LIZS · 05/08/2010 11:19

yabu, you may not have got it but had interview experience and surely this would n't have been an issue until next year anyway. In the meantime you (and dp/dh assuming you are not a lone parent) could take paid leave (min. is about 6 weeks) to cover some of the holidays plus as someone has said you may get some tax credits to help, at least for now. So you are only potentially out of pocket for 7 weeks max. even assuming you had no additional financial help. tbh you have to start somewhere and if you have dp or dh then collectively there is still a benefit to you working.

violethill · 05/08/2010 11:24

You're mad! You'll be better off overall - the holidays are only a small proportion of the working year, and anyway, it's a joint expense between you and your children's father, PLUS if you're on a low wage you'll get a lot of the childcare paid for.

You're now ending up jobless with your kids at school - very short sighted IMO. Don't understand why you bothered applying - it's a waste of the employer's time.

amidaiwish · 05/08/2010 11:28

don't mean to hijack but can you tell me if WTC/CTC are based on your income, or household income?

foureleven · 05/08/2010 11:33

household.

Unless your household includes people you are not in arelationship with. i.e. friends/ lodgers.

Original poster
iliketodance · 05/08/2010 12:13

I work one day a week at present so I do have a income just need more finacially,well im sure we all do.
Thank you for all your valued input it has made me realise that its worth it long term,im going to wait till both my dcs are settled in new school year and look again.

OP posts:
amidaiwish · 05/08/2010 14:23

so how does that work? basically means due to dh's income it's not worth me looking for work unless i go back to a full on-full stress career. anything else isn't going to cover the childcare as won't be eligible for WTC/CTC.

doesn't seem right to me.

don't get me wrong, am grateful but it seems odd.

foureleven · 05/08/2010 14:50

It is frustrating amidaiwish but otherwise you would have families where one partner earned a lot of money but they could still get their childcare paid for because the other was on a low wage... in an ideal world I guess it would be fine but do you really think the goverment have the funds to pay for childcare for households who earn enough money???

Although for the time being your wages may only cover the child care, your salary will increase in time so its only a short term thing. Plus childcar eis about £800 per month sos urely you could earn more than that if you really set your mind to it?

violethill · 05/08/2010 14:59

What foureleven says.

Either you suck it up (as they say) and accept that while your children are pre school age, you won't gain overall financially by working (and may even lose out a little). Or you wait until they are 3, so you get some childcare free, or until they're in school, so the majority of the time you're not paying. Even taking school holidays into account, you're better off over the whole year by working, as your childcare is vastly reduced once they're at school.

WTC and CTC didn't exist when my kids were little, nor did the free nursery hours when the child turned 3, so it was pretty much accepted then by working parents that you only broke even for a few years. As foureleven says, the key thing is to think long term. What you will gain in career progression, earning power and pension will outweigh the short term frustration of feeling like you're working for nothing!

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 05/08/2010 15:41

amidaiwish - it is frustrating.

We don't get any tax credits because DH on his own earns too much. So when we were looking at me going back to work after maternity leave we looked at whether what I was going to earn would be enough to cover childcare and my commuting costs, and it wasn't. I got offered a job further away from home (same company) and my request to go part-time was rejected, so we would have needed 7-7.30 childcare 5 days a week which would basically have meant a full time nanny. By the time I had paid that, plus run my car and paid £300 a month fuel to get back and forth, and got a cleaner and kept a work wardrobe we would have been several hundred pounds a month out of pocket.

For me the decision was easier because I had already decided that I wanted to re-train - what I had was a job and not a career, there was no pension to help make it worthwhile - so we decided that I would stay at home while we have small children and then once they are at school I will re-train and go back to work.

LIZS · 05/08/2010 15:50

Surely you have to think of it as for 45/52 (more if you have OH or gps who could cover the odd week) weeks you will be making money and be getting a foothold back into the world of work. Alternative is to do a job share with someone who doesn't have young children so would cover holidays or termtime but competition is fierce especially if you aren't already working or have relevant adn up to date skills.

LucyLouLou · 05/08/2010 15:50

Sorry, doesn't really sound like you wanted the job. Seems like you turned down the interview even though they already knew you couldn't start until September. Maybe you were nervous, hard to tell, but either way it seems like you don't want to work yet, which is your decision, but it's hard to see how this is about the children. Good luck next month, hope you find something you like the look of.