to think its irresponsible for my OH to leave our 2 yr old downstairs on his own?

[YummyMummy1208]

Argh!

I'm so angry with him rite now and generally since our little boy was born cos he just has no clue how to watch him properly but if i ever have a go at him its 'oh shes off again...' and switches off.

Is this just a general 'men' thing??

Thismorning is a prime example, hes been taking over morning duties of late due to me being 7 month pregnant so thismorning he takes DS1 downstairs and then i can hear him saying 'So r u gonna stay downstairs and be a good boy while Daddy has a shower?' now forgive me if im being unreasonable but surely im not the only one here thinking you dont leave a 2.5 yr old downstairs - on his own - while u go upstairs to have a shower??

Whats everyones opinion on this one - Am i being unreasonable to have a go at OH??

Ooops I mean Thread of course lol.

Erm, do you think maybe you should go and do some work Yummymummy? You can't have got much done yesterday.

my last post was below the belt. sorry for that.

Op don't try and drag this out. you're not biting anymore. so its not interesting.

I leave my 2 yeear old downstairs while I potter about upstairs.

YellowDaffodil i could answer ur Q but then i would be slagging my OH half again but dont feel like doing that today. sorry to dissapoint.

StarlightMcKenzie yes i am planning to breastfeed. and if i dont have my toddler with me i never park in toddler and child as i know how frustrating it is when people do this when they dont have children with them. so what u got next as that gave u f all to come back with?!

Oblomov its not me dragging it out, u guys were the ones on here before 9am thismorning.

im just responding where my name is mentioned thats all!

cazzybabs which i also do, but on this occasion i was only upstairs in bed so would have loved the chance to have some cuddles with DS rather than him being left downstairs while OH has a shower.

whats so wrong about that?

I'm not disappointed - I asked because under the text speak and anger over the shower thing I though you might have a number of genuine reason to be concerned about your OHs parenting.

If that was the case it would explain your attitude and maybe change the tone of the responses you have recieved. If you don't want to share anything else thats fair enough.

So why didn't you get out of bed and bring him back upstairs for cuddles?

There has been other incidents and lots of small ones - every time he looks after DS there ends up being a huge crying episode, i havent just gotten mad over one little thing.

I love my OH, which is the reason we are together. We didnt plan either pregnancies but are happy never the less. He just doesnt watch DS as well as he knows he should.

LilRedWG - I did.

I think you and OH need to sit down and have a chat about agreeing levels of care whilst you are both calm. It's so so hard to do whilst you are feeling the need to strangle the other person. I hope you get this resolved before your move to Canada.

I dont think the crying is that indicative though - I mean obv its not all that great but everytime I leave my 2 dcs in the room togetehr they bicker and one of them ends up whining or crying - its just the nature of toddlers isnt it.

It may be the toddlers response to your DP rather than something DP is doing wrong iyswim. eg toddler has learnt that if he makes a fuss then mum will come back and scoop him up and he gets attention that way rather than dp just being a uselesss parent?

Hi All,

I am not about to get stuck in the middle of this rant, but I just wanted to say that I think some people have taken a pregnant womans rant to the extreme here, she openly admitted after an hour or so of sending this message that she felt the hormones had made her a little more angry than she would normally have been.

I really hope that you all don't start attacking me for trying to stick up for Yummy, but having been MNing with her due to having the same due month for some time, I can honestly say that she comes across as a caring, reasonable and genuinely lovely person and I just wanted to stick up for her here!

Sorry if I offend anyone but I wanted to say my bit!

Thanks

Thank you babybunting2010

I think you need to talk to your OH calmly about everything. You will need to be able to rely on him when the baby comes along and you don't need the added anxiety whilst you are pregnant and when you have a newborn.

No point just correcting him all the time - you have already said he just see's it as you going on. This gives him an excuse for avoiding what you obviously feel to be a serious problem. You need to have a serious conversation where you discuss all your concerns together.

Buy the gates and cupboard locks together (although if you can get them on freecycle even better as your DS will be opening or climbing over them in no time). Put them on together - he will be less defensive if you say it is for both your benefits rather than because he doesn't look after DS properly.

You say you and OH love each other and I am sure he loves your son. If you genuinely believe his behaviour when he looks after DS is unreasonable then he will change it IF you explain it rationally because he loves your child.

The crying might just be that DS wants you and not anything your OH is doing wrong iyswim.

morning scummy.

shit, sorry, obviously I meant yummy.

i told u, im just lowering myself to the level of those derranged people on this thread.

pmsl at u knickers0nmyhead ur so funny.

I've read the majority of this thread but not all.

The vitriol is stunning. I am particularly about the reaction to the OP's use of textspeak: on the one hand, it is proposed as justifiable as a safeguard for MNers who are dyslexic (i.e. a liberal standpoint); on the other, it clearly inspires class-related outrage.

I suspect the OP had no idea of the dragon's den nature of AIBU when she initially posted.

I think the initial replies made sense: it depends on the child. Two of my close friends have children of this age: one could probably put her dd in front of the TV and go and run a marathon without anything untoward happening; the other would be ill-advised to look sideways in case Armageddon might be unleashed in her home.

Some parents are rather lax re: child security. A friend's toddler nearly died when in the care of his dad as his dad was mowing the lawn while he munched down on dishwasher tablets. I agree in principle with avoiding over-parenting but my friend is understandably wary of her partner's parenting as that was not the only instance of her toddler ending up in hospital following time spent in his dad's care.

Finally, I find it amazing the anger that - shock! horror! - a woman might have some stereotypes of a male-female relationship in a patriarchal society: an anger that can actually lead to statements that she is being "twattish" for considering it's a "man thing" when clearly, she is "shrewish".

For a woman to call another woman a shrew and/or suggest that their husband should leave them because of their nagging is every bit as stereotyping and sexist as any statement the OP has made.

finally people who speak sense. Where have u been?

I obviously dont have way with words and havnt expressed my situation very well but that didnt deam me to be eaten alive over a simple post did it?

i think the only right answer in this area is YABU. as if anyone ever says the oposite they also get eaten too.

Am not sure about the 'class-related outrage' as thats implying that all of us have the same background which we patently do not. However if we are all speaking in the same way a)it allows us to express much more complicated concepts etc and b)it disguises background/education and as such is a good leveller.

Why should the OP label herself with txtspk? It doesnt label you as a member of the 'underclass' it just labels you as an eejit.