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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think its irresponsible for my OH to leave our 2 yr old downstairs on his own?

705 replies

YummyMummy1208 · 05/08/2010 09:47

Argh!

I'm so angry with him rite now and generally since our little boy was born cos he just has no clue how to watch him properly but if i ever have a go at him its 'oh shes off again...' and switches off.

Is this just a general 'men' thing??

Thismorning is a prime example, hes been taking over morning duties of late due to me being 7 month pregnant so thismorning he takes DS1 downstairs and then i can hear him saying 'So r u gonna stay downstairs and be a good boy while Daddy has a shower?' now forgive me if im being unreasonable but surely im not the only one here thinking you dont leave a 2.5 yr old downstairs - on his own - while u go upstairs to have a shower??

Whats everyones opinion on this one - Am i being unreasonable to have a go at OH??

OP posts:
redskyatnight · 05/08/2010 14:08

No one has picked up on the fact that "hes been taking over morning duties of late due to me being 7 month pregnant". So in the mornings when he is not mindlessly having showers presumably he is doing some of: getting DS up/ changing nappy/ dressing him / getting breakfast/ entertaining him.

All of which sounds pretty good to me.

There is a book called "Babyville" by Jane Green where the DH gets up early so his very tired wife can have a break. She then lies awake silently cursing him because he's not doing things the way SHE wanted and assuming he must have got everything wrong. When in reality DH is getting on with stuff in his own way and has managed to do nothing worse than spill a bit of yogurt.

This reminds me a lot of that.

Original poster
YummyMummy1208 · 05/08/2010 14:08

SixtyFootDoll read up. I already admitted i may be a little unreasonable.

iv watched mumsnetters do this on a few threads now, they like to 'gang' up on people. if they feel they are on the majority's side they just bully to the death.
quite sad actually as most of u guys are mums and should know better than to bully people.

I am entitled to my opinion, y am i called lots of horrible names becos of mine??

OP posts:
lukewarmcupoftea · 05/08/2010 14:09

10 pages in and all I'm wondering is why on earth do so many people think a 2.5 year old needs stairgates? Let alone all over the house. He's 2.5 for goodness sake, not 1. Time to start teaching him how to be careful with stuff, how can he learn if he has no freedom?

Yes, you'll need a gate at the top of the stairs for the baby when it starts crawling (why on earth didn't you have one already, despite your obvious vigilence?). You don't need to buy a new one, take the one from your son's bedroom, job done. You don't need one on the kitchen, just move anything dangerous higher up.

You say you don't over-protect your child... I'm thinking that maybe you need to reconsider that.

porcamiseria · 05/08/2010 14:09

oh dear

anyone that uses text speak tends to get flamed

even if they are SO NOT BU, they get flamed

tis a trend I have noticed a few times

knickers0nmyhead · 05/08/2010 14:10

why not turn the handles round so they open upwards then if he can open doors?

You seem to have an excuse for everything. You must know you are being unreasonable.

I have some superglue and duct tape if you want to have ds at your side.

Original poster
YummyMummy1208 · 05/08/2010 14:10

U r totally rite redskyatnight i do lie upstairs awake thinking he is doing everything wrong - i want to learn how to stop myself doing this which is why partly i posted on here.

OP posts:
MIFLAW · 05/08/2010 14:11

"Ill just have to buy it myself and like someone else suggested have him pay more towards another necessity that he agrees with."

That was me, around the time you told me I was surplus to requirements.

LadyBiscuit · 05/08/2010 14:12

I had cupboard locks shaped like Us that clipped together - you can buy them in the pound shop. I tied my drawers together with a piece of string with a double knot in it. You don't have to be able to do DIY if you think your under 3 year old is going to stab himself or drink a bottle of bleach when you're having a shower.

I am a single parent and take a shower every single morning and have done since my DS was born. When he was a baby, I put him in his bouncy chair but I've left him alone since he was about 2 - I just tell him what I'm doing.

2plus2more · 05/08/2010 14:12

I. LOVE. THIS. THREAD!

This has cheered me up no end - your language/spelling is hilarious OP - Draw, Earsight & Laxi-Daisy being my personal favourites!

In response to your original post - YES - you are being very unreasonable. However, as you clearly only want responses from people who agree with you and will pat you on the head and nod sympathetically while you moan about your completely incompetant partner, there's not much point in me saying that is there!

Oh, and one last thing - a message for Mr.OP - if you are ever given permission to use the computer - I hope you read Your other half's thread (it is HER thread you understand!) and see just how unreasonable we all think she is. Dear love you man!

lukewarmcupoftea · 05/08/2010 14:13

If you find yourself thinking he is doing stuff wrong, then maybe find something to do to distract yourself? Eg a book, music, a chore etc?

StewieGriffinsMom · 05/08/2010 14:13

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knickers0nmyhead · 05/08/2010 14:13

why not turn the handles round so they open upwards then if he can open doors?

You seem to have an excuse for everything. You must know you are being unreasonable.

I have some superglue and duct tape if you want to have ds at your side.

porcamiseria · 05/08/2010 14:14

anyway, happy birthday for next Thursday!

TheButterflyEffect · 05/08/2010 14:15

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lukewarmcupoftea · 05/08/2010 14:15

knickers, stop it would you!!!

nancy10 · 05/08/2010 14:15

When my children were your sons age, we had nothing harmful in the bottom cupboards in the kitchen. Cleaning stuff, dangerous utensils etc were up high out of reach. It cost nothing! You can buy a lock to put high up on the door so he can't reach it, which would cost very little. You could lock the door in situations when you can't fully supervise your son. It's your home, he is your partner and child's father, you need to relax a bit. My dh and I don't always share the same views but no-one is perfect!

undercovamutha · 05/08/2010 14:18

OP - I'm going to ignore all the YAN/BU stuff, and all the animosity, and give some advice.

The problem here is the relationship with you DP, NOT whether you have your house childproofed.

FWIW I am a bit of a control freak, and I am sometimes unfair to DH re. the parenting decisions he makes. This is MY problem, and I try my hardest not to do it. It is all to do with relinquishing control.

Unless you never want to have any freetime again, and you want your DS to have a crappy relationship with his father, then you MUST loosen the apron strings.

7m pg with DC2 is a tricky time. You are full of thoughts of how you will cope, and it is the worst time to feel like you are not supported by your DH. So LET HIM SUPPORT YOU! If you really have to point things out to him, do it nicely, discuss things together, or better still - shut up and let him have some control.

I realise it is a difficult situation, but it is a vicious circle. If you continue not to trust your DH, he will continue not to perform to your parenting standards. Take a step back, have a heart to heart with your DP, and get this sorted before DC2 arrives!!

nancy10 · 05/08/2010 14:19

knickers I'm peeing myself, hold on while I go and change! she says scooping up 2 year old, so not left unsupervised!

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 05/08/2010 14:19

I'm actually very envious of anyone who can leave their child downstairs while they shower. Mine wouldn't have a bar of it - if I nip upstairs to grab some shoes, all I hear is a plaintive "Mummy? Mmmmuuuuuuuummmmmmyyyyyyy" in a tone suggesting that the sentence should really end "...why have you abandoned me in this dark wood, at night, when you know I am blind and there are wolves?".

Anyway, I'll cop to calling you a ridiculous woman, but telling you that the world doesn't revolve around you and you need to grow up was actually good advice. In fact my entire post was good advice, and it would be a real shame if you ignored it because of the snarkiness.

MIFLAW · 05/08/2010 14:23

all I hear is a plaintive "Mummy? Mmmmuuuuuuuummmmmmyyyyyyy" in a tone suggesting that the sentence should really end "...why have you abandoned me in this dark wood, at night, when you know I am blind and there are wolves?"

Mine did this. Then I told her very sternly not to do it unless something was actually wrong and, in general, she doesn't. (She does sometimes call me when I am in the shower. I arrive downstairs, dripping and cold, to find she has done some colouring she wants to show me.)

MajorPettigrew · 05/08/2010 14:26

Okay - so now we might be getting somewhere.

Your worries about how to protect your child are getting in the way of your relationship with your DP.

Again, this was recommended MUCH earlier on, but maybe you should consider going to see a councillor either with your DP or on your own.

You need to be able to seperate your feelings that 'everyone else is doing it wrong' and what the practicalities of real life with 2 children are.

Sorry to be blunt, but you are going to have a very difficult time if you can't learn to do this. And besides, your 2 year old isn't a baby any more - just take the reasonable steps suggested to keep him out of harms way.

I'm sorry I can't give you any more practical advise than this as I don't suffer from such anxious feelings towards my DP /DC. But this will get worse if you don't learn to speak in a reasonable way to your DP.

TheButterflyEffect · 05/08/2010 14:26

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Original poster
YummyMummy1208 · 05/08/2010 14:26

Yes could i borrow that please knickers0nmyhead?

OP posts:
theQuibbler · 05/08/2010 14:29

Oh dear, OP, maybe come back to the thread in a few hours and reread, for all the good advice. There's lots here!

And here's some more.

A Way Forward

There are some good links and articles that might just help you.

And just in case it hasn't come through clearly enough. LET your son's father parent his bloody son. He loves him, he's not going to let him come to serious harm. If you don't, you are ACTIVELY harming their relationship. And your own, come to that.

DreamTeamGirl · 05/08/2010 14:34

"Mine did this. Then I told her very sternly not to do it unless something was actually wrong and, in general, she doesn't. (She does sometimes call me when I am in the shower. I arrive downstairs, dripping and cold, to find she has done some colouring she wants to show me.)" MIFLAW

I came out of shower to hearing wailing and crying, raced down dripping and worrying to hear him saying 'dont wowwy likkle car I take you to hopsital in my ambuwance' (sic) GRRRRR