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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

dss teachers not calling him by his name

71 replies

Sibble · 04/08/2010 20:28

I can't work out whether to say something or not. Ds2s name is Max, he's been at school for a year and his teacher calls him Maximus. At first I was surprised and maybe I should have said something straight away, but also thought maybe it's like a term of endearment. Ds doesn't seem bothered but each time I here it I can't help but flinch and think - it's MAX! Anyway another Max has not joined the class ds says all the teachers and Max are now going to call him Maximus so there's no confusion. At one stage ds1 had 2 boys with the same name in his class and they were called X-surname initial e.g. John B and John A, no confusion there.

Should I say something, as I say he's not bothered, am I being precious and if I should say something, what should I say without sounding precious?

OP posts:
Original poster
Sibble · 04/08/2010 20:29

hear of course - read before post

OP posts:
BigBadMummy · 04/08/2010 20:30

Yes.

His name is not Maximus!

I have a friend whose son is called Archie and if you ever jokingly say "hello Archibald" she goes nuts.

Quite rightly.

As should you.

Plumm · 04/08/2010 20:30

YANBU - that would really annoy me. Point out to his teacher's that his name is Max and if they need to differntiate him fom new Max they should cal him Max last name initial.

bamboostalks · 04/08/2010 20:31

Say something if you are not happy. I think it sounds a bit weird. Is this a private school?

ChequeredFlag · 04/08/2010 20:32

Why complain if he isn't bothered?

heymango · 04/08/2010 20:32

Is he registered as a Maximus?

Either way, it would grate on me too, and I would probably have to say something.

SirBoobAlot · 04/08/2010 20:32

Has he asked to be called that? I know our teachers always used to ask if we had a certain name / nickname we went by and wanted to be called.

Jacaqueen · 04/08/2010 20:33

I would say something. The teacher is making asumptions as his name could easily be Maxwell.

Wordsonascreen · 04/08/2010 20:34

Maximus is a cool name

You should change it

thisisyesterday · 04/08/2010 20:34

assuming his name isn't short for maximus then no yanbu!
i would ask her to please stop, as that is not his name

or get him to start calling her something equally random

archstanton · 04/08/2010 20:39

I had exactly the same thing with DD2. She is called Elizabeth and we call her Lizzie. Her nursery teacher called her Beth because she (teacher) liked that better. It drove me nuts.
However, lots of posters told me I was being unreasonable as Beth was lovely. Maybe it is but it's not her name.

Original poster
Sibble · 04/08/2010 20:45

No he's not registered as Maximus, Max is on his birth certificate. It's the fact he's not bothered but I am that is making me hesitate.

OP posts:
Al1son · 04/08/2010 20:47

To use a person's name is to show that person basic respect.

This teacher is not showing your son that she respects him or your choice of name for him. I guess she may not realise the impact of this but if they need to differentiate between the two Maxes they should both be consulted about the best way to do it. If she hasn't consulted your son she needs to be asked to do so.

Oblomov · 04/08/2010 20:48

Why didn't you say something before. ds2 is max. would drive me mad if someone called him somethig different. i could have chosen maximus, which i also really like. but no dh and i chose max. his name is max.
tell the teacher. insist she stops immediately.

what year? reception ? not private ?

Oblomov · 04/08/2010 20:50

The children call the other children john A or John B. Jack C or jack G or Jack D. not the teachers, the children do this.
you will have to be Max A and Max B.
tis normal.

SandStorm · 04/08/2010 20:50

Gosh - that's not good. I always check with a child what they want to be called even if I already have a good idea. I've been known to ask an Oliver if he wants to be Oli or Oliver even though I know he goes by Oli in the playground. It's just common courtesy and if we don't show it how can we expect to receive it?

YANBU

Original poster
Sibble · 04/08/2010 20:57

No not private, he's 5 and the teacher is really lovely apart from this.

I think I'm going to have to bite the bullet and say something so it stops winding me up.

OP posts:
Morloth · 04/08/2010 20:57

If he isn't bothered why are you?

DS would kill to be called Maximus, he would insist on Prime as a follow up I bet.

I have a friend whose name is Mark and we have always called him Marcus - I don't know why, we just do.

HarderToKidnap · 04/08/2010 20:58

I am going to be a lone voice in the wilderness here and say YABU.

I have a friend, BC Charlotte, goes by Charlie. We call her Charles. Another friend calls her Charlottenburg (!), she is also variously occasionally called Charalambous, Charideeee, Charles (pronounced the French way), CharlesandtheChocolate Factory, etc etc. You get the idea. Some people just lend themselves to longer versions as nicknames and it;s just affectionate, isn't it? It's probably a cute little in joke amongst himself, his class and his teacher. If he was bothered then obviously it would be a different story, but as he isn't, then I think you should leave it.

Also, I'm a leeetle bit tempted to say it's not really your business. He is getting his own life at school. His classmates and teacher have given him a nickname - what's that to do with you? If his friends are callng him Maximus in five years time, what are you going to do? Tell them off? Of course, if he was coming to you and saying "Mummy, I don't like it" etc then it completely becomes your business.

thefirstmrsDeVere · 04/08/2010 21:01

YANBU

Its NOT his name!

How weird it is to just make up a name for a child and insist on using it.

It would drive me crazy.

I would have said something long before now though.

ZZZenAgain · 04/08/2010 21:05

how very strange.

I'm confused by the OP though sibble. Originally he was called Max in class and this has only changed now that a new Max has joined the class to differentiate between them? So why not call the new boy Maximus IYSWIM rather than change the name the dc are used to for your ds (if you have to change anyone's name here which I actually disagree with)?

Or has your ds been called Maximus in class for a year now?

booyhoo · 04/08/2010 21:06

i think you should definitely say. even if your son doesn't mind the teacher should at least know his correct name. if it makes it easier for the children in class to call him maximus and the other boy max, then aslong as your ds is ok with it i wouldn't insist otherwise but i do think the teacher should know his correct name.

i remember at primary school there were 2 girls with the same christian and surnames so it came down to one of them being called e.g Joanne A Bloggs and because the other was smaller in height she got wee Joanne Bloggs. they both hated it and to this day when my sister and i refer to either of them we still use those 'names' for them. I did feel bad for them in school because they didn't like it but the teachers made us differentiate between them and we weren't allowed to use hair colour as one had red hair

bulby · 04/08/2010 21:09

If you had said something before I would say yanbu but you've known for a while that he's getting this nickname so to now be annoyed seems unreasonable. I'm a teacher and have a will who I know is will but William just slips out, he tells me inno uncertain terms mind! If it's an affectionate nickname I'd go with it (as nick names go it is a cool one!

greenbananas · 04/08/2010 21:11

If I were you I would be v. annoyed but actually think your DS should have the final say. How old is he? It might be that he is enjoying having a 'school' identity, a cool nickname. What does he think? I reckon that if he genuinely likes it then sadly you are stuck with it.

(Maximus is a lovely name but clearly that's not the point)

OrmRenewed · 04/08/2010 21:11

Well sorry, if he isn't concerned I should leave it TBH. It's his name not yours.