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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

dss teachers not calling him by his name

71 replies

Sibble · 04/08/2010 20:28

I can't work out whether to say something or not. Ds2s name is Max, he's been at school for a year and his teacher calls him Maximus. At first I was surprised and maybe I should have said something straight away, but also thought maybe it's like a term of endearment. Ds doesn't seem bothered but each time I here it I can't help but flinch and think - it's MAX! Anyway another Max has not joined the class ds says all the teachers and Max are now going to call him Maximus so there's no confusion. At one stage ds1 had 2 boys with the same name in his class and they were called X-surname initial e.g. John B and John A, no confusion there.

Should I say something, as I say he's not bothered, am I being precious and if I should say something, what should I say without sounding precious?

OP posts:

2shoes · 04/08/2010 22:06

yanbu
but be nice.
I spent a year or so correcting the staff at dd's school as they kept shortening her name(her very short name) I would always say the last letter.
I now find myself using the shorter version sometimes

SpanishHarlot · 04/08/2010 22:23

YANBU..my daughter is Sofia and I can't stand it when people call her Sophie...If I had wanted her to be called that I would have named her it!!!

Just mention it to the teacher in a nice "by the way" sort of thing when you collect him from school..that way it's not a big deal.

Colliecross · 05/08/2010 10:34

New teacher coming up I presume?
So should be a good time to gently mention that you want him to be called by his own name.

ZZZenAgain · 05/08/2010 12:24

isn't sibble abroad (Australia?) so the school year would be different.

ZZZenAgain · 05/08/2010 12:25

sorry she is in New Zealand so it is winter

KurriKurri · 05/08/2010 12:48

I would say something, your DS may not be bothered now, but he might get fed up of being called by the wrong name all through school. I wouldn't consider Maximus to be a nickname for Max, (the other way round possibly).

There's a difference between made up and pet versions of your name that friends and family use, and a teacher doing it. Unless it's requested.

When I was teaching years ago, it was hardly an insurmountable problem having children with the same name in the class - certainly didn't need to make up names for them.

bruffin · 05/08/2010 13:16

It's not up to you, it's up to your son, the name was a gift from you to him, he can do with it what he wants nothing to do with you any more.

LucyLouLou · 05/08/2010 13:19

I haven't had chance to read all the replies, but YANBU. Your son's name is Max. That's the bottom line. The teacher should be calling him that and not making decisions to change it. That's not her place. I would say something now and nip it in the bud before this other Max being there makes it difficult to change things. Good luck.

shockers · 05/08/2010 13:26

There's a child in my class called Gavin... I once called him Gavlaaar in a Smithy voice when we were messing about on the playground. He loved it and started referring to himself as Gavlar. His Mum was really annoyed and told him he should call me Mrs Shocklar .

LucyLouLou · 05/08/2010 13:29

Maybe this is more of a boundary thing then....teacher taking over in a part of a child's life that should really be down to the parents....I don't know, the thing that bothered me with this was the deciding he wasn't going to be Max at all anymore because of the other child. I don't think the teacher has the right to make that choice. JMO.

shockers · 05/08/2010 13:40

I think you're right about that part. A 'graf his name for fun is one thing but to change his name with all of the teachers is not acceptable.

shockers · 05/08/2010 13:41

Sorry... that should have read "a 'grand' version of his name is one thing"

proudnsad · 05/08/2010 13:45

Wouldn't bother me at all

ILovePlayingDarts · 05/08/2010 13:50

My mum has always hated her first name and never uses it. When she started school at the age of 4, the teacher insisted on using the first name instead of her second name, which was how she was known at home. Mum told the teacher she didn't use her first name, but it took my nan to speak to the teacher before the teacher grudgingly used the second name.

And when I started secondary school, the teacher decided she didn't know how to pronounce my name, so instead called out my second name on the first day. I didn't answer because I honestly didn't realise I was being called. After a couple of calls, my friend nudged me and said she thought it was me being called. I politely told the teacher that I didn't answer because no-one has ever used my second name for me. I had to repeat my name a couple of times before she said it correctly, and I wasn't impressed it's not that hard a name.

Maybe my feelings showed because I nearly got detention as a result of this; I think the teacher was very embarrassed!

fedupofnamechanging · 05/08/2010 13:57

My son is Max and I wouldn't want his school to think they could change it, but tread carefully as it may have been done with affection or your son may even have told the teacher he prefers Maximus.

I think I will be having this kind of situation when my dd starts school. Her name can be shortened to Evie and it is very easy for people to call her that, but I prefer that she is called by her proper name and think I will be spending lots of time asking people to do so.

GabbyLoggon · 05/08/2010 13:58

I like the name MAX, but I think the teacher is being friendly; but probably unwise

Original poster

Sibble · 05/08/2010 20:21

Sorry for delay in replying - time difference and computer on the blink. Thanks for all the replies, the YABUs were my reason for hesitation, he doesn't seem bothered, she is lovely, I hate 'making a fuss' which is why I have left it a year etc etc.............

So I have decided that although it bothers me I will leave it until he changes class and see what the new teacher calls him. If she starts the year calling him Maximus I will gently say at the outset something like it's Max but he doesn't seem to mind Maximus????????????

Thanks again - teach me to not to stew on things and say something straight away but story of my life

OP posts:

FranSanDisco · 05/08/2010 20:28

Why do teachers do this? My name is Patricia and everyone calls me Trish except for one tutor at college who would call me Pat. I would tell her what my name was and she would still call me Pat. Other people would tell her my name or say 'do you man Trish X?' and she would say 'her name is Pat X'. I am embarrassed to say when I had to call her for a reference I said 'Hi it's Pat X' . Anyway, OP tell them your son is MAX {grin]

LucyLouLou · 05/08/2010 20:37

It seems like the teacher genuinely doesn't see a problem with what she's doing, or how it would seem to the parents. I wonder if she does the same with other children? If you're happy for the time being and it doesn't bother your son, there's probably no point in rocking the boat....but yeah, I think if the new teacher does it too, might be worth a gentle word in her ear. Up to you what you say though .

Good luck!

StarExpat · 05/08/2010 20:58

FranSan that is appalling, actually.

PowderMum · 05/08/2010 21:53

YANBU but it is hard doe teachers when there are kids with the same names. In DD class there are 3 with identical names so she has been called her 1st and 2nd (surname) joined together for the last 6 years at primary. This wasn't too bad as it sounds pretty. But as she moves to secondary she wants to change to a longer version (on her birth certificate)so I guess she wasn't really happy and now I wish I had said something

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