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Original poster

PND or just part of being a new parent

43 replies

missldi · 04/08/2010 18:08

not even sure if this is the right place to post, but looking for advice. Crying even as I type. Had DD 9 weeks ago by EM c section..just when I was recovering from that and getting over the chaos, she's developed colic. My DH works 5/7 nights, so I'm here alone a lot. I currently have a viral infection and a case of oral thrush,and haven't been able to eat in 3 days. I can't stop crying-and feel like a useless mother because I can't comfort my own child when she's upset. Any suggestions-I've tried infacol, colief, gripe water, DR Browns bottles...I'm desperate for something to help.

OP posts:
SloanyPony · 04/08/2010 18:10

Probably not PND if you're having to put up with all that on your own!

Have you tried carrying around your baby in a sling? Can be very useful for some.

Sure its not silent reflux instead of colic?

Are you eating enough CHOCOLATE.

Try all those things and dont lose hope! x

mummy2theboys · 04/08/2010 18:14

Congratulations on the birth of your daughter, sound like you have had a tough time though. Having had two children I would expect that it is part of being a new parent. An EM c is major abdominal surgery and takes time to heal from and on top of that you and baby have had further complications. Is there anyone else who can come over and give you a hand when your DH is working. Please do not think you are a useless mother, you are not. Why not try the doc for the colic and see what they suggest. The easier days will come, I promise. Take Care

wfrances · 04/08/2010 18:16

hello there missldi ,are you sure its colic?if you are,ive had 4 -all suffered from colic.those meds didnt really work.have you tried taking her for a walk or are you too sick?

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 04/08/2010 18:19

It probably isn't PND, I think most of us would be pretty miserable with all that going on! The weepiness is likely from extremely low blood sugar from not eating anything for 3 days.

The most important person here is you. You need to be well, healthy and coping in order to look after your DD. So - do you have friends, family that can help you? If so, call them and ask for help.
Are you taking a good multi-vitamin and and iron supplement. I felt awful for ages after my emcs and it transpired I had lost 800ml of blood and was anaemic.
What treatment do you have for that thrush? Go back to your Dr and keep badgering until you get better.

Now for your DD - I would get a sling, babies with colic like a warm body to snuggle and often like to be upright so a sling helps with both of these.

Really hope things get better for you x

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 04/08/2010 18:20

Actually thrush can indicate low iron so I really think it's worth getting your GP to prescribe you a good supplement.

Chil1234 · 04/08/2010 18:25

Do you have parents, rellies or friends nearby that could give you a break for a few hours and let you get some sleep? DH should be asking for time off work as well and letting you rest. See the doctor if you're sick.

reallytired · 04/08/2010 18:31

No one over the internet can diagnose pnd. What you need to do is contact your health visitor and get a professional opinon.

FindingMyMojo · 04/08/2010 18:52

you are running very short on sleep, plus you have a virus, thrush and you haven't eaten in three days. Even removing the baby from the equation (theoritically) for a moment, no one is going to be feeling great!!!! Plus you've just had a baby. Probably not PND (but as reallytired says it's not diagnosed on the internet).

I don't know if DD had colic or not, but she used to scream after every feed for about 2 months, until she has a BIG burp. Sometimes it took a long time. I didn't used any of the over the counter stuff, but I did use one of those blow up exercise balls. Easy to sit on there & gently bounce no matter how tired you are.

You need some rest & sleep yourself. Can you partner not take a day or 2 holiday, or a friend/family member help out for a few days?

Congratulations on your new baby. It's not always this tough - promise.

sapphireblue · 04/08/2010 18:55

sending you a hug missldi. It's awful when you have a baby that cries.......it's not your fault though and you're not doing anything wrong.....you're not a useless mother.

I know it so hard to accept right now, but this is a short phase which will pass in a few weeks. Have you got any family nearby who can help you out? What you really need is a break and some time to yourself........even if it's just for an hour.

If you really suspect you might be depressed (I've been there, done that) then you need to talk to your health visitor or GP.

Al1son · 04/08/2010 19:01

A baby with colic can be unconsolable. If you've tried everything you can think of stop believing that you have failed in some way. If nothing helps her then just hold her and wait for it to pass. It feels like a life sentence when you're going through it but it will pass eventually.

Go easy on yourself. You've got a lot to cope with at the moment so beating yourself up over something you can't influence is the lastthing you need. You are a good mum and you will get through this and come out the other side.

Make sure you sleep whenever you get the chance and don't even think about doing housework etc.

((((HUGS))))

Oblomov · 04/08/2010 19:13

st of all lets eliminate PND. do the test.
test
this will tell you if its PNd and then off you go to your hv and/or gp for help.

But I was not depressed. my mum and my best friend didn't think I was, But actually I wasn't. I scored very low on the test.
i cried. and i got angry. but i had logical reasons, like you, for feeling like thta. I was struggling. oh yes, it was all a bit to much. but for tangible reasons. sick baby. crying ALL NIGHT. off and on, inconsolably for hours at at time, then not, then on and off and on and off, all NIGHT. never in the day. no sleep. diabetes gone mad.
I did not have irrational thoughts of harming myself, or thta harm was going to come to my baby. i laughed and cried. my emotions were up and down. but i feel this is normal, not pnd.

let us help you to work out what is really going on here, then hopefully we can help you to sort it.

Original poster
missldi · 04/08/2010 19:55

Thanks folks...just trying to keep it together for DD.DH can't take time off as we really need the money, my parents are willing but elderly, she won't go in a sling-and she's now starting her 4th hour of crying for this evening..

OP posts:
prozacfairy · 04/08/2010 20:06

Congratulations on your lovely baby.

Really feel for you. MY DD was also diagnosed with colic. I did have PND like someone else said do the test- it can be an eye opener.

Is she FF or BF? If formula fed have you tried cow and gate comfort? I found a combination of this formula, the infacol and the dr brown bottles made a HUGE difference to her. Changed her formula at 2 weeks and she was sleeping through the night at 5 weeks! Couldn't believe it! Mind you, she'd spent the first few weeks of her life constipated and the formula, well, it sorted that out very quickly.

Things will improve I swear. ((((hugs))))

marge2 · 04/08/2010 20:09

Blimey - poor you! I'd be crying too..Hope it all gets better soon!

EricNorthmansmistress · 04/08/2010 20:13

What kinds of sling have you tried? Some like the baby bjorn style but some hate them, have you tried a wrap sling, a bit more closely held to you? The first few weeks of a new baby are insanely hard for anyone but you sound really poorly and stressed. Can you speak to your HV? I don't know what to suggest for the colic, but just remember 'this too shall pass' and it will get better sooner than you know.

heymango · 04/08/2010 20:16

I used homeopathic drops for DS's colic - they really worked (and I am not usually a big believer in alternative remedies).

It really is an awful thing to deal with, especially in your circumstances. It will pass though, I promise! Take care.

tethersend · 04/08/2010 20:20

Just to echo prozacfairy- if she is FF, try aptamil easy digest or cow and gate comfort (they are basically the same)- I had the same problems and switched to Dr. Browns bottles and aptamil easy digest and she improved within a couple of days- the screaming stopped virtually overnight.

Congratulations- and this is the worst bit; it gets so much better, I promise

2blessed2bstressed · 04/08/2010 20:22

You poor wee soul, I remember those feelings well, hanging on to my mum and sobbing "but why won't he stop crying?" It felt like it went on for ever, but was actually only a few weeks. You've had a tough time, your immune system is obviously shot, and you haven't had enough food or sleep for ages, it's no wonder you're crying my lovely.
IT WILL GET BETTER, I promise x

sunshiney · 04/08/2010 20:27

small tip here - i found my ds calmed down when in the bath.

i was unable to do this as i have an older dd as well, but if i just had the one still what i'd do is get in the bath myself, feed there and spend some time afterwards in the warm water. it'll relax the stomach muscles and ease the baby's discomfort.

baby will probably start crying again when you get out but at least you might get a break while you're in there.

good luck, it'll get better

MyNameIsInigoMontoya · 04/08/2010 20:28

It sounds like you have plenty of reasons to be feeling rough without PND, but of course that doesn't mean that's not a factor as well.

The most important thing though by the sound of it would be to get some help. Please do talk to your health visitor, she can help determine whether it is PND and also may be able to help you get some support.

There is also a charity called Cry-sis which provides support with "excessively crying and demanding" babies so may be able to help you with the colic thing, that sounds exactly the sort of thing they are for - their number is 08451 228 669.

Hope things get better for you soon, and hang in there!

poppymouse · 04/08/2010 20:32

It feels really personal when baby cries when you are so tired, if you weren't exhausted it'd be easier to see you are doing your best and it's nothing to do with whether you are doing a good job. One of my Surestart ladies offered to take him for a while when I was at a low ebb! Just to give me a break, there are people who'll support you. I didn't take her up on it but it feels good to know you have the option. Keep talking to HV (assuming they aren't a cow, if so, try to see a different one).

griffaloschild · 04/08/2010 20:39

I really feel for you. Sounds like you have had a terrible time of it, but believe everyone who says it will get better, day by day. My DS screamed from day 1, for hours and hours only stopping to take milk or sleep (in very short bursts just to re-gain the energy to continue with the screaming). One day he woke at 4am and screamed and screamed, I tried everything - gripe water, infacol, jiggling, taking for a walk, singing etc etc at 10am, still screaming I pushed him in the pram to the clinic to get weighed, as I was getting him out of the pram, some inconsiderate new mum with perfect baby muttered to friend 'I would never let my baby cry like that', I burst into tears and which point a HV ushered me into another room and no so tactfully asked if I'd got PND.

I think its perfectly normal to be completely deranged given the pressure you are under but if you still feel depressed in a while when your physical complaints have cleared up, do see a nice HV or GP, because there are treatments or just support groups out there that might provide some relief - some even provide a free creche etc I've heard.

By the way I hope the story above doesn't seem insensitive I am just trying to show you that I've been there too (although not poorly at the same time) and I can look back and (almost) laugh.
take care x

Original poster
missldi · 04/08/2010 22:14

Will try all your kind suggestions...she's finally conceded to sleep after starting today at 4.45..going to try to sleep before she wakes .At least you tell me it will get better..

OP posts:
tethersend · 04/08/2010 22:20

It will get better, I assure you

Let us know how you get on.

steph1512 · 04/08/2010 22:32

I havent read all of the thread but..IT WILL GET BETTER!

I remember coming home with dd1 and crying in the middle of the night wondering how i would ever cope..and i didnt have all the extras youve had to contend with.

I also remember people telling me that it gets easier at the 6wk point and i thought to myself that 6wk was a lifetime away, but didnt feel like i could admit that to anyone!

I also remember at a couple of really hard point i wanted to fast forward 5yrs when dd would be starting school because it was all so hard

My mum told me one day..as hard as it is try not to spend too much time thinking about how hard it all is (easier said than done)Her words were time is so precioous and before you know it thehave suddenly grown and you have to try to make the most of every moment as you can never get it back! Although im sure we all have moment we wouldnt want back lol

This time will pass im sure of it.

Now 3dcs on i am sat feeling sorry for myself that dd1 stars school in a few weeks ..really wishing she wasnt! And feeling even more sorry for myself that dc3 is now 18wk I feel like he only arrived yesterday,when did he get so big!

I completely understand what my mum meant now

Take care..sending sleep vibes

PS my 3dc lived in a moby wrap for the first few weeks and he was so content in it once i got the hang of it