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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

/silly to not want too many second hand things?

41 replies

NoTeaForMe · 03/08/2010 17:39

We have been given a Moses basket and swinging crib from a friend and are very grateful and a few white sleepsuits, again very happy and grateful. However, she has now given us some bedding, weaning spoons, teething toys etc.
Am I being silly to not want these things or in fact any more second hand things in general?

OP posts:
DrivenToDistraction · 03/08/2010 17:41

YABU and silly. You did ask.

TheLifeOfRiley · 03/08/2010 17:42

I bought some stuff 2nd hand and was given some stuff, then bought some things new - looking back I wish I had bought all of it 2nd hand the amount of time they use baby stuff for! As long as things are cleanable (or cleanable ) and in good working order then why not?

If you have the money I suppose it's up to you, but I really did look back and regret what I had spent and I wasn't even that reckless with my spending.

MathsMadMummy · 03/08/2010 17:42

there's been another thread on this. I think most things you should accept gracefully, except things that are specifically to be chewed, so spoons and teething toys.

it's not silly to only want new stuff but it's not really necessary to buy everything new, I wish I'd known that earlier TBH!

swingitagain · 03/08/2010 17:43

no, not being U...I wanted brand new stuff for my baby - it's part of the fun having shiny new things!

MinnieMummy · 03/08/2010 17:45

YANBU... as long as you have more money than sense.

MintyBadger · 03/08/2010 17:49

The stuff doesn't matter. Baby stuff costs hundreds of pounds, just the basics, just for the first year. Everyone knows this and is happy to pass on things which are by definition barely used. Also, it is boring stuff. You will realise this when your child is older: bar a few 'special' outfits and a couple of 'special' toys, it's all kind of dull. They aren't even probably doing it to help you, they're probably doing it to feel better about ridding themselves of some boring shite that takes up room but they know someone will have a use for! I mean that in the nicest way - you get something, they get something. Don't get precious about it! Spend the money you'll save on something really lovely. Go on a weekend break or something. It's more memorable than a new set of weaning spoons.

minipie · 03/08/2010 17:50

YABU - accept the things and save your money, you will need it later!

Except perhaps if you're planning to have loads of children... then it might be worth buying new so they last through to your last child.

laweaselmys · 03/08/2010 17:50

YANBU but, assuming your baby isn't here yet, when they're older for everything you were given and didn't have to waste money on...

For all the old babygros and teething toys people give you the more money you'll have for extra pretty your taste new stuff!

SloanyPony · 03/08/2010 17:51

YANBU not to want them - you either want them or you dont, you can't fake it, you feel how you feel.

If you thought there was something WRONG with them or they were dirty or something you would BU but just not wanting them because they are 2nd hand and a bit chewed and perhaps not the style/colour you would have chosen, that's reasonable enough.

If I were you I'd box them, chuck them in the loft/a cupboard and when suitable time has passed offer them back to the person who gave them. They will be amazed at how organised you are, having all those things together in one place

I wouldn't expect someone to want my old stained weaning spoons (why is baby food all orange)

There are some things that have an incredibly short shelf life that you should accept. Bumbo Baby Sitter. Jumperoo. Moses basket is a prime example, mine were out of them in weeks. Anything in "newborn" size. If you have enough you can go the 3 weeks they are newborns without washing! A walker/playpod type jobby. Playpen.

Anything with longer life I can imagine you might want new in your choice of colourway!

lifeas3plus1 · 03/08/2010 17:51

These threads always make me feel like a shit mum. My baby when he's born is only going to have a new car seat and pram (and that's only because we needed a double)

All my ds1 things went to a friend for her son and now they have been passed back for my new baby so they are actually 3rd hand!

We can afford brand new stuff but I really just don't see the point when babies grow so fast and I'll be spending more than enough money in the future.

So with that in mind YABU.

MrsBadger · 03/08/2010 17:51

yabu as well you know

laweaselmys · 03/08/2010 17:52

*sorry meant to say when they're older you'll be thankful for all the stuff you didn't waste money on.

ChippingIn · 03/08/2010 17:54

It depends really. Do you have the money to easily afford to buy everything new? If you do and you want to, then why not? It's understandable, as choosing all the lovely bits and pieces that the baby will need is a lovely part of it and you feel you are being denied that.

What I would do if I were you (if you have the space!!), is just keep thanking your friends and storing it for now, enjoy buying what you want to buy and use bits of theirs if you want to/need to later. Then when the baby has grown out of each stage return their things to them - if they notice you aren't using their things you can just say you have been given so many presents you haven't needed to and offer them back to them earlier.

IF however, money is tight then you should use as much of your friends stuff as you can and just choose the odd things that are really lovely/special to buy.

A baby doesn't need new things though - so don't feel you have to buy all new.

MintyBadger · 03/08/2010 17:55

But being a shit mum means being pissed all the time and screaming at a defenceless baby. Leaving it on the bus, that sort of thing.
Whether a babygrow is new, or nearly new, is neither here nor there.
(Sorry, that's meant to be comforting! Must try harder.)

JackJacksmummy · 03/08/2010 17:56

take them gratefully, you dont have to use them, they will not be seeing you every minute of every day so will never know

MintyBadger · 03/08/2010 17:56

'being denied' the chance to buy stuff? Get a grip!

azazello · 03/08/2010 17:59

Babies barely need moses baskets/cribs for any time at all so that and the bedding is really useful. If someone gives you second hand stuff you can also hand it back so it isn't cluttering up your house when your baby now longer needs it.

There is enough stuff that you can buy and as time gets on that you'll have to buy. You can accept the second hand newborn stuff without compromising your dream Mamas and Papas nursery, if that's what you're after.

laweaselmys · 03/08/2010 17:59

Lifeas3plus1 - almost all of my baby stuff was second hand. We had to get a new pushchair because the one we were offered didn't fold for public transport. Apart from that all we bought were small amounts of clothes as and when. DD wore a lot of second hand blue, lol.

It was fine, I'm really grateful that we didn't get into debt over stuff that doesn't matter. Now if we have money I can buy her toys or clothes, and that's nice too but not as good as the not in debt feeling!

innocuousnamechange · 03/08/2010 17:59

yanbu. Me and my dc live in second hand things, through choice really as we get far more for our money that way. But it is a pain when people see you as a dumping ground for their old stuff

ChippingIn · 03/08/2010 18:00

Lifeas3+1 - you are not a shit mum - there's nothing wrong with what you are doing, it's very sensible.

Contrary to what some people are posting, there's also nothing wrong with wanting to buy new things, to go out and choose the things you like.

So long as a baby has all the essentials, it doesn't matter where they are from, back from a friend, charity shop, ebay etc but I think it's nasty to make someone feel bad for wanting to choose her own things....

Original poster
NoTeaForMe · 03/08/2010 18:01

Wow, didn't really expect so many replies!

Thanks for them all though!

Let me just say I have gratefully taken a Moses basket, crib, sling, swing, door bouncer, bumbo seat, a play ring thing and some new born clothes. I'm not against taking second hand things at all ......... but I wouldn't want someones old sheets so why would I give them to my baby? For the expense of a few weaning spoons I don't see the harm in wanting to buy new ones instead of using old stained ones for my new baby?

OP posts:
lifeas3plus1 · 03/08/2010 18:04

I meant shit as in being made to feel that I don't care about my child as much as other people because I am happy to accept 2nd hand things rather than buy all completely new. I was told this on another forum when I said that i'd only bought mt ds 2 small Christmas presents and just put some money in his account as he was only 8 months old. The person in question spent £300 on her 8 month old for his first Christmas so obviously thought she loved her ds more than I loved mine.

And I did actually very nearly leave my week old ds on the bus once. Lol.

Sorry totally off topic there.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 03/08/2010 18:07

If you want and can afford to get new things then do. Isnt it a rite of passage to buy brand spanking, sparkly new things for first baby then when second comes along you either use all the stuff you bought first time or if like me I swore after the first I wasnt having anymore so gave it all away so I had been there done that and wasnt so bothered about buying new.

lifeas3plus1 · 03/08/2010 18:07

noteaforme

Say you're going to do BLW so you have no need for weaning spoons

sanielle · 03/08/2010 18:08

If you can afford to buy all new go for it.

If you are like me and can afford to buy somethings new but mostly can't waste money...then better to have all the boring basics second hand and then buy some really nice things that matter. A few special outfits (for photos, granny's house etc) a few special keepsakes Basically the stuff you will still have in 20 years.. anything that will last 3 months and not be needed after that or have sentimental value...get it while its free!

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