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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think this bloke should be ashamed of himself?

41 replies

asouthwoldmummy · 02/08/2010 17:48

I recently found out this bloke I went to school with (he's 24) now has 4 kids by 3 different women! The most recent 2 were actually born in the same week!
He doesn't work so I would assume isn't contributing anything towards any of his children. The thing that really bothers me though is that he doesn't seem remotely ashamed, if anything he seems happy about the number of girls throwing themselves at him and getting pregnant! AIBU to think he should be ashamed rather than proud?

OP posts:

Squitten · 02/08/2010 17:50

How do you know this - I assume he told you himself?

Seems to me that the ladies involved are also rather dim...

FellatioNelson · 02/08/2010 17:52

Tosser. And more fool them - the harem.

Original poster

asouthwoldmummy · 02/08/2010 17:54

Both of these girls are happy to admit that these are his children, and I know his sister sometimes looks after the first 2.
Perhaps the question should be AIBU to think until he can be responsible he should keep it in his pants?

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 02/08/2010 17:55

Until people are held financially responsible for the children they create and then abandon to the state, this will continue to happen.

Tortington · 02/08/2010 18:00

he doesn't make them on his own. it takes two people to be responsible.

i think its a disservice to womenkind to put all the blame onto a man.

i and i alone am responsible for whether i allow myself to be pregnant. i made as certain as i could be that i woldn't get pregnant again.

after my first child, and after having herd many stories about how people became prgnant whilst takin the pill, i had a coil fitted as it was my responsibility. my body.

that is not to say a man shouldn't take responsability, but it is to say that i think its almost anti-feminist to leave the women out of the equation.

Marjee · 02/08/2010 18:02

Oh wow, that sounds like something from the jeremy kyle show!

Itsjustafleshwound · 02/08/2010 18:05

YANBU - besides a couple of children out of wedlock I would hate to know what else he has shared ...

I agree with Custardo that it is also the girls responsibility - it is a bit like the pig and chicken breakfast story - the chicken is involved but the pig is committed.

belledechocolatefluffybunny · 02/08/2010 18:12

Sorry but there's another side to this. My brother is in his late 20s, he has 2 children by 2 different mothers, both times he's been told she's on the pill (blah blah). He doesn't see one of them, the mother threw him out not long after his son was born, she just wanted the baby. He's so devestated about how his life is he's depressed and finds it hard to hold down a job. It's not always the father's fault.

YABU unless you know all sides of the story, who are you to judge?

hairytriangle · 02/08/2010 18:20

The women should also keep their knickers on, surely?

sarah293 · 02/08/2010 18:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

FellatioNelson · 02/08/2010 18:23

I agree with you actually BDCFB. I think too much emphasis/blame is automatically heaped on the men in these situations. The notion that a man 'got someone pregnant' against their will (poor helpless little loves ) is a bit outmoded in 2010. Joint risk, joint repsonsibility, The only difference is that the woman knows for sure whether birth control is being used, whereas the man only thinks he knows. Still no excuse for it to happen three flippin' times though.

LadyintheRadiator · 02/08/2010 18:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

expatinscotland · 02/08/2010 18:27

'My brother is in his late 20s, he has 2 children by 2 different mothers, both times he's been told she's on the pill (blah blah).'

There's condoms out there if you're male and don't want to procreate.

There's not having sex. As my pal Fred always said, 'Other than rape, no is always an option.'

Bet he'd find it a lot easier to hold down a job if he were facing jail for supporting those children rather than the state.

And yes, I believe women who procreate and run should face the same penalties, too.

Morloth · 02/08/2010 18:28

FellatioNelson "I think too much emphasis/blame is automatically heaped on the men in these situations."

Looks around in strange parallel universe where feckless fathers are treated with the same scorn as single mothers...

If you have sex there is a chance a baby will result. If you don't want a baby you have to take care of your own contraception. It is really very simple.

expatinscotland · 02/08/2010 18:28

sorry, for not supporting . . .

belledechocolatefluffybunny · 02/08/2010 18:28

He should have, he was told by both women that they were on the pill, he's far too tusting.

expatinscotland · 02/08/2010 18:30

He's far too stupid and knew there'd be no consequence morelikes.

Sorry, belle, but I really have zero sympathy for people who do this, male or female.

expatinscotland · 02/08/2010 18:30

If you're too witless to take personal responsibility for your reproductive health, because there are STIs out there not just pregnancy, you shouldn't be having sex.

belledechocolatefluffybunny · 02/08/2010 18:32

It's OK expat, I have no sympathy for him at all. There is 2 sides to this though, women are just as much to blame sometimes.

moondog · 02/08/2010 18:33

'Bet he'd find it a lot easier to hold down a job if he were facing jail for supporting those children rather than the state.'

Hilarious, Expat.
I agree completely.

They all sound like useless fuckers.

Goblinchild · 02/08/2010 18:56

'My brother is in his late 20s, he has 2 children by 2 different mothers, both times he's been told she's on the pill'

How many women would relax and do nothing further if the bloke told her he'd had the snip?
My ASD, very gullible and trusting son knows at 15 that he will have to be responsible. If sex is on the menu in the future, Use A Condom.

Rocky12 · 02/08/2010 19:02

I think the issue is that there are no 'consequences' for this man, in fact some of his mates probably think he is a bit o a stud.

belledechocolatefluffybunny · 02/08/2010 19:03

This isn't a thread about my useless brother, I'm using this as an example to show that not all women are innocent.

katiestar · 02/08/2010 19:06

it's not a case of being witless though is it.He gets to have his cake and eat it.Shagging anything in a skirt and no consequences.

Morloth · 02/08/2010 19:11

But how come a thread about a useless dick has to be turned around and made about women. Why does this always happen?

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