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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be sick of pfb itis

68 replies

binjibaghi · 02/08/2010 14:50

may have to stop visting friend until this phase 'hopefully'passes.

My toddler is only allowed to play with certain toys at her house and is never allowed to take any toys outside ("these are indoor balls/toy") queue massive tantrum

also her pfb almost 1 is not allowed down on the ground outside !

i will admit to a certain amount of pfb itis myself but this seems to be taking it a bit far. I still remember my toddlers 1st birthday with all kids out in garden.

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 02/08/2010 19:50

I agree its ridiculous to not allow sturdy plastic toys out side YANBU ..just avoid her until she gets a life

isthatporridgeinyourhair · 02/08/2010 19:53

God, are toddler tantrums, chewing toys and allowing contact with exetrnal surfaces verboten too? I really do need to get to grips with some of these parenting rules.

DorotheaPlenticlew · 02/08/2010 19:53

God I really hate the way people are so scathing about PFBitis. Seriously, get over yourselves. So you know someone who is careful or anxious about something that you don't think is worth the effort? So what -- let them get on with it, who are they hurting? Or do you just enjoy scoffing at other parents for the warm glow it gives you?

I think you sound like a shitty friend tbh.

DorotheaPlenticlew · 02/08/2010 19:56

And no, it won't hurt the toys but maybe she cannot be arsed trailing round the garden to find loads of crap dragged out and dropped, then cleaning off the mud etc before it all gets mixed into the toybox again.

(I don't have a garden - just speculating)

PavlovtheCat · 02/08/2010 19:57

YABU. You also stop visiting as clearly you are not much of a friend if you would stop because she does not want your child taking her child's toys outside.

Original poster
binjibaghi · 02/08/2010 20:01

its fine we will meet at the park instead - god some of you lot need to calm down !! shitty friend really ? basing this on one little rant - go and take a pill dorothea

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 02/08/2010 20:02

How can you meet at the park..will the baby be allowed on the grass

PavlovtheCat · 02/08/2010 20:05

its AIBU, you should expect inflammatory comments!

yikesascorpiobaby · 02/08/2010 20:09

I also am mystified by concept of 'indoor' and 'outdoor' toys in a world that contains washing machines, flash liquid etc, but would respect others' rules in their homes, just take toys for your dc.

Agree that it's frustrating when dcs can't see why they are not allowed to do something that seems perfectly reasonable but then they too can begin to learn that different people have different rules in their homes.

Different rules and expectations for children do cause a fair bit of tension at times, eg my ds is allowed to climb trees, run freely in outdoor space etc but have friends and family who are not happy for their dcs to do this and it can cause awkwardness when ds charges off and the others want to follow. Likewise, I have hated it when people's dcs have come round and chucked toys everywhere, etc.

I think every parent has plenty of capacity to irritate other parents with his/her rules and ways!

PosieParker · 02/08/2010 20:10

Obviously there's more to this than the OP....I imagine the friend is terribly precious.

DorotheaPlenticlew · 02/08/2010 20:10

fair enough it's been a rough day... Sorry.

I do think yabu though - in case that was unclear

TheMoonOnAStick · 02/08/2010 20:12

Yabu..actually I agree wth your posts Dorothy.

Pfb is a horrible expression imo.

whomovedmychocolate · 02/08/2010 20:14

Look you were the mother to a PFB once and probably were just as insane fastidious, don't take it so seriously.

Ask nicely if she will put away any toys she doesn't want your DS to play with 'to avoid any difficulties' and just stay indoors with the doors shut.

And remember, she's probably terrified her child will be hurt - this is the root of it. Bigger kids can hurt littler kids or at least hurt their toys and she's being protective. Don't hate her for that - it's just what happens when you are a new parent and a bit insecure about everything.

That's not PFBness, that's normal IMHO.

And yes it is frustrating when your child is older and also if you have more than two it can be inexplicable because you've forgotten cutting raisins into four to avoid choking and stressing about the fact that your baby didn't do a poo at 10am as usual.

traceybath · 02/08/2010 20:14

YANBU

I could understand outdoor toys not allowed indoors - you know - like a slide but really - people don't let toys outside?

I must be really lax - as we take toys outside and then at the end of the day pick them up of the lawn and bring them indoors. Where I don't even wash them

And whats this about baby not allowed on the grass. Golly DD crawls everywhere and am constantly retrieving goodness knows what from her mouth.

Original poster
binjibaghi · 02/08/2010 20:18

its funny really another friend who has 3 lo's is much more relaxed with her kids than i am - to me they run absolutely wild !!

just having a rant here which means i can take several more deep breaths in rl !

OP posts:
withorwithoutyou · 02/08/2010 20:29

I think if we were visiting someone else and my toddler tried to take their toys into the garden I would stop them - it's pretty rude to assume that he can just take them out without asking isn't it?

They're not your sons toys so youd don't make the rules.

Original poster
binjibaghi · 02/08/2010 20:32

did you read the whole thread ? i already said that i dont let him take them out !! i always respect the house rules where i visit but that doesnt mean i can't have a bit of a whine and moan about it later !

OP posts:
withorwithoutyou · 02/08/2010 20:34

Yes I read the thread.

Now you sound like the toddler -
don't visit her if you can't respect her rules for god's sake

usualsuspect · 02/08/2010 20:44

Has anyone said her house her rules yet

traceybath · 02/08/2010 20:45

Its the rules again - my house my rules!

Golly - I often let people/children do stuff in my home that I wouldn't let my own children do. But you know - I'm a lovely hostess

BlueFergie · 02/08/2010 20:46

Wow......I am such a terrible mother, it never occured to me not to let my kids take toys outdoors. I can't think of a single one I wouldn't let them take out......maybe a soft toy if it was wet out?
And not letting them on the ground until they can walk in case they graze their knees.....really?? Both of mine were late walkers and crawled everywhere and anywhere before that. Surely if it hurt their knees to do it they would just stop themselves, and walking is no protection from grazed knees anyway. Way more of those walking than crawling. Are you going to keep them off all hard surfaces until they are very competent walkers?

usualsuspect · 02/08/2010 20:47

Do people have a list of rules by the front door? or hand them out to each visitor?

sleepingsowell · 02/08/2010 20:48

I understand you wanting to let off steam as her approach gives you a challenge or two with your ds - but rather than rant about a friend (which does make you sound a bit mean) I'd say it's just better to take a pragmatic approach and think to yourself well, it's not working meeting at hers, I'll invite her to mine, or meet at the park, or cafe, or swimming or something - there are times for most people I think where it becomes stressful at each other's houses with tiny kids for one reason or another - just work around it until the phase is past.

I do remember my neice as a PFB toddler refusing to come out into our garden 'because I might get my shoes dirty".........I did think then that SIL had gone a bit far with the pfb stuff!

DorotheaPlenticlew · 02/08/2010 20:50

Really it's not the toys that I think are the issue here, it's the "may not visit any more" attitude (not meaning to demonize you OP, others have said it too). It just seems really harsh and sad (IMO) to feel that way if someone is genuinely a friend.

Right, dd is finally snoozing so I'm fecking off to watch telly ...

isthatporridgeinyourhair · 02/08/2010 20:51

US - why just stop at a handout or big sign by the door? I'm going for a belt and braces contract (signed in blood natch)so that I can ceremoniously eject them when they don't meet my, ahem, high standards

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