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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I or is my BF being UR

35 replies

Buzzybb · 01/08/2010 22:48

A friend is getting married soon, invite arrived and I was a bit surprised it was for just me and did not include DP but that is fine as I do not have to find a babysitter etc, Today I was out with a group of friends, we are all invited but it turns out everyone who is married or engaged got a plus one invite. Fine I think she is really trying to keep numbers down and I get on with all the girls DP/DH and will make them take me out dancing.
But one friend who is single and if got a plus one invite would only bring her sis, is really about the invite being for her only and wants me to not go to the wedding as she is refusing to go without a plus 1 invite. Now she is not in any type of relationship, is aware numbers need to be kept to a min. I have said I am going but she is not letting it go and has said I should not go without Dp.
This evening I have had 3 emails and 6 text msg telling me I am UR and unfair towards DP for going without him.

OP posts:
sharon137 · 01/08/2010 22:50

Your friend is most definitely being unreasonable and a bit freakishly obsessive about it!! If you are happy to go, go, and tell your friend to calm down!

scurryfunge · 01/08/2010 22:50

It has nothing to do with your friend.

Go if you want to and you are happy with the arrangement.

claw3 · 01/08/2010 22:51

If your dp is fine with it, then its not a problem. Go and have fun.

Poledra · 01/08/2010 22:52

Nowt to do with your friend. If you and DP are happy with it, go and have a lovely time.

OnEdge · 01/08/2010 22:53

Your freind is being selfish, it isnt about her.

Pancakeflipper · 01/08/2010 22:54

You aren't bothered. Tell friend that - she's got a bugbear about this but it ain't your niggle. If she wants to make a stand - it's her stand. You go and enjoy yourself.

Monty100 · 01/08/2010 22:55

How long have you been with DP?

Wedding invitations are written months in advance.

Tbh I would expect a +1 invitation if I was in an established relationship.

As for your friend who hasn't had a +1, let her have her own feelings and you follow yours.

Original poster
Buzzybb · 01/08/2010 22:57

Dp delighted he has not been invited he does not drink and the lads will be holding up the bar while the girls are out dancing so when the lads get legless drunk merry he would be bored, he is planning a pizza and movie night with the dc.
She is doing my head in tbh, I have turned off my ph, but am she will not come with me I used to think I made a good date, obv not as neither DP nor friend want me as a date
DP and I are together almost 6 yrs but the bride has only met him a few times.

OP posts:
Original poster
Buzzybb · 01/08/2010 23:00

Sorry I just really need to rant but don't want to rant at Dp in case he is a bit about not being invited or at least being given the chance to refuse

OP posts:
Monty100 · 01/08/2010 23:12

BBB - It's a bit odd he hasn't been invited, but that would be where I come from but obv neither of you have taken offence.

So, you've asked the other non-+1 to accompany you but she's not going and trying to get you to boycott it also?

Leave her to it. Go and have a lovely time.

curlymama · 01/08/2010 23:12

I would be really offended if I got a wedding invitation without my DH, so I wouldn't go. Unless it was an evening invite from a work colleague. And I do understand the whole thing about numbers, we had a fairly big wedding ourselves last year, but if other partners have been invited then that makes it even worse imho. But if you and your DP are fine about it and you want to go, then go, and have a fab time. What this other friend is saying has nothing to do with it, ignore her.

Original poster
Buzzybb · 01/08/2010 23:19

Monty was a bit would have liked a day out all dressed up with DP and yes for a while I even thought it odd but tbh I know it is a financial decision and I would prefer her to have people she knows and loves at her wedding then give my DP a place that could go to a real friend. Also I am sure she will ring to say DP can come to evening do but it would be easier for him to be at home with the DC then try to find a babysitter.

OP posts:
gtamom · 01/08/2010 23:21

You have children with him, and have been with him, as a couple, for 6 years? If that is correct, your dp should have been invited. He is, in effect, your spouse. Although your other friend seems to be acting totally crazy, considering she doesn't have a steady bf at the moment, I do think the other friend was insulting in not giving you a "and guest" invitation.
Not much help am I?

Original poster
Buzzybb · 01/08/2010 23:25

Curlymama and Gtamom I will also say the bride is a lovely person and a great friend but I live in sin and without a ring it is not a permanent relationship, And no that does not bother me she is a Born again Christian and has a very strict moral code she is honest about her views and also does not really know Dp.
But we have decided to elope and come back married

OP posts:
Monty100 · 01/08/2010 23:29

BBB - in which case, I don't understand why he hasn't been invited. I would expect his name to be on the invitation and not just a +1. That's weird imo.

Hmmmm I have a different opinion on it now.

OK, how close are you to the bride/groom?

No, it doesn't matter actually. I think it's rude. . Sorry. I prob wouldn't go. There's a serious lack of organisation or etiquette there.

Monty100 · 01/08/2010 23:30

xpost

Original poster
Buzzybb · 01/08/2010 23:35

I am great friends with the bride she is always at the end of the ph when I needed her but as we did lived in different countries for the last 4 yrs she would not really know Dp.
TBH I am more upset that my other friend thinks we should make a stand and not go and has now started texting DPs ph as mine is off I need a nice way to make her see I am going and she is being silly , it is not our day.

OP posts:
Original poster
Buzzybb · 01/08/2010 23:38

Monty I have decided I am weird and have weird friends who do strange things
Personally I think she should have invited all the girls and not their DP/DH and we should drink cocktails, get drunk and know that the Daddies can mind the children the next day

OP posts:
curlymama · 01/08/2010 23:40

It sounds like you really want to go, so you should. You also sound very lovely for respecting your friends opinions in the way that you are, I wish I could naturally be like that!

I may be looking to deeply into it though, as like I said I'm only recently married so remember well what a headache the guest list was. It was important to us that our guests had the best time possible, so if that meant us spending extra to have their plus ones there, then so be it. We did end up with video and guestbook messages from people we had never met, and are unlikely to see again, which I know is far from ideal for many brides. So I do (kind of) understand your friends position. Anyhoo.. my opinions are irrelevant, go to the wedding enjoy being able to dance the night away without having to worry about entertaining dp or getting in on time for a babysitter, eat lots of cake, throw confetti and enjoy.

Original poster
Buzzybb · 01/08/2010 23:45

Thanks Curlymama, and congrats on your wedding, I will not say I am not a bit sad but it is what it is so will enjoy it. But it my friend being so cross about the invite that is causing me grief, I am going to have to ring her in the morning and be in Mummy mode of listen to me I am going and you need to grow up.
Hopefully she will still speak to me

OP posts:
Monty100 · 01/08/2010 23:46

BBB - well she knows that you're not uncomfortable with it, and she wants to have a blast with her closest friends.

Go and have a blast.

Have a blast with dp some other time, even if it's in your kitchen.

Go, and have a great time.

curlymama · 01/08/2010 23:49

Maybe tell her you have a fetish for wedding cake and wedding dresses, so you just can't possibly pass up the opportunity!

Seriously though, you are right, put your Mummy head on and tell her. And remember, you don't owe her explanations or reasons. Your invite, your relationship, your choice. Good Luck!

WhereYouLeftIt · 01/08/2010 23:51

If she's not going to use her invite could it be 'recycled' to your DH?

Monty100 · 01/08/2010 23:54

Yes, and the friend could babysit! lol

curlymama · 01/08/2010 23:54

Oooh, good thinking WYLI! Love the name btw.