to not get his cousin ANOTHER engagement present.

[textpest]

DP cousin got engaged two years ago. He has massive family and a large party was thrown - we gave her a gift and a voucher. Four weeks later the wedding was off and her mum said all presents etc would be returned. We had nothing back and neither has anyone else, some noises were made about "not knowing what people had got us" but she didn't even ask us. She is now engaged to someone else and having another party. DP mum has asked if we are getting a present and I got a you tight cow funny look when I said we had already spent £60 on her last time, got no thanks and the gift was in use at new partners house.

Am I being unreasonable to not want to waste the time/money? Her new fiance is well offish and they have a lovely fully equiped home.

I wouldn't bother, personally.

a card will suffice.

Very rude of her to ask in my book. Suggests real reason for the parties may be mercenary...

Hmm, bit harsh on her new partner but I wouldn't get anything either.

An engagement present? Definitely not unreasonable. I would get something thoughtful as a wedding present.

Do peole still buy engagement presents these days?

YANBU at all do not get them a gift

A card will suffice. You'll be getting them a gift if they make it to marriage.

I didn't think anyone still did engagement parties. Corny as hell, if you ask me.

I've never bought an engagement present for anyone! I wouldn't buy another under those circs.

Might feel differently if they were just starting out with not much and were massively appreciative but that's not what you've got here ... sounds a bit like grabbiness IMO.

bottle of sparkling wine and a card will suffice

agree with kalo. go simple and low £ if you feel awkward turning up empty handed.

or a photo of them both in a frame?
something personal rather than indulgent.

I'd do just a card as well, I think engagement parties are grasping and held only to get presents.

Yanbu, I don't buy engagement presents, only wedding .

And I don't think i'd even buy people like that a wedding pressie, cheeky sods !

YANBU I have never given an engaged couple more than a card, maybe a bottle of champagne for especially close friends. I thought engagement parties went out in the 50s. When DH and I got engaged in the 80s, we just had some friends over and got wrecked, no one brought presents, just drink.

I dont know anyone who expects engagemnt presents anyway.

YANBU. I didn't think engagement presents were standard these days.........I believe we got one from my grandmother but nothing from anyone else except cards. Really cheeky if she didn't bother to return the last gifts and is now expecting more!

Noooo way! A card maybe...

YANBU.

I wouldn't be that keen on going to the party either.

She must have no shame to have another party having never returned previous gifts. I think you should suggest to everyone who goes that a present isn't necessary..

I don't buy engagement presents, either. Or if I do, they're just little tokens.

Another one whose never bought an engagement present, didn't even know it was something people did.

I've never bought an engagement present either. Surely the whole idea of an engagement party is outdated anyway, unless you're a member of the Royal family or are having an arranged marriage.

Perhaps you and your DP could get engaged and call it off every 12 months or so for the next few years.

If mum is asking about an engagement present, then just tell mum that you are rolling it all into a wedding present so that you can get something decent.

It's between you and the couple, not your mum/mum in law.

Engagement parties still seem quite popular around here (small northern town). Held at WMC, auntie does buffet type.

But yes if invited you'd be expected to take a gift.

But no YANBU if you have recently given a gift. I'd go with a card and bottle of cheap fizz if you have to go.

Like many here I think the engagement party thing is a ploy to get more presents! I'd wait for the wedding, and I'd be disinclined to spend £60 on her even then - it sounds like she could be doing rather well from all of this.