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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Gggrrrr next door neighbours 'controlled' crying

31 replies

skyeplusbump · 31/07/2010 13:08

okay so i probably AM being unreasonable BUT...
we live in a victorian terrace,
walls are quite thin,pepole both sides have kids,and you can hear shouting, tantruming,laughing and playing,
all of witch im sure they can hear from us as well and are to be expected if you live in a terraced house,it's actually quite lovely sometimes just to know that other parents/kids are doing the same stuff as you.

anyway...next doors baby's room backs on to our room,and he SCREAMS all the time,no one ever comes to comfort him at night and it keeps me up for hours,i feel so sorry for the poor mite,we've always gone to dd if she cry's and i cant stand the sound of a baby crying for it's parents that just wont come...it's even woken dd a few times,and its driving me CRAZY,im worried as we're about to have dc2 and i dont want him woken to sreaming every 5mins...
but i also understand that dc2 may well wake up next doors dc,only diffrence is,we will be there to comfort and quite down our dc,next door dont seem to bother.
it would be completely unreasonable for me to go round and say something...
wouldnt it??!

OP posts:

EnglandAllenPoe · 31/07/2010 13:10

yABU but you appear to know it!

in the long run, it could be quieter if they pursue this course.

in the short run, the baby may be crying anyway

either way, it's none of your business.

i quite often hear our next doors toddler yell (and they co-sleep) - there is no noise free child neighbour!

BertieBasset · 31/07/2010 13:14

How do you know no one is comforting him? My DD cried all night, with me there cuddling etc.

Next day our neighbour asked me if I realised that DD had been crying all night.

Err yes, I had noticed and funnily enough had no sleep either!

I think YABU as you can't know for def if they are CC'ing, and if they are it is really a parental decision.

Fuchzia · 31/07/2010 13:15

Horrid to think they would leave a baby to cry, but you don't know that's the case - could be collic. My DS is teething and has screamed in my arms for half an hour, thank god the calpol has kicked in.

Original poster

skyeplusbump · 31/07/2010 13:15

ohh i know,
but its been going on for 6 months now!
i dont mind the noise...im just a sucker for a crying baby,i want to give him a hug

OP posts:

Original poster

skyeplusbump · 31/07/2010 13:17

i know as i can hear when theyre in the room. VERY thin walls!
i also had a crying dc,and we would be with her shed still cry...so its not like i dont know the other side of the story...just sucks thats all...

OP posts:

InVinoFerretsAss · 31/07/2010 13:18

Just wondered how you know they're not actually going in?

I really wouldn't say anything, not only will it upset a harassed new mum but it may well come back to bite you on the ass when you have your little one!

There was a thread on here recently from someone in your neighbour's position and the next door neighbour had gone round to politely say something. Didn't end well if I remember correctly!!

misdee · 31/07/2010 13:18

i have one screamer.

dd1,2,3 were comforted easily.

dd4 spent her first year screaming. xcombination of colic, food allergies anmd general grumpiness.

i did ask my neighbours if we were disturbing them at all, but they said they didnt hear a thing.

sharbie · 31/07/2010 13:19

ooooh we had this years ago - its horrible.
they used to get ready for work in the morning and leave the baby screaming in its cot for about an hour.awful i hated hearing it.

they bloody went on holiday once as well and left their alarm clock on - so all week we were woken at 5.30.grrrrrrrr.

Original poster

skyeplusbump · 31/07/2010 13:19

umm, i dont think id ever ACTUALLY have the courage...im a compleate wus...

OP posts:

Original poster

skyeplusbump · 31/07/2010 13:22

sharbie thats exactly it, they dont seem to be at their wits end or anything...just letting him scream so they can get on with their day.

dd had reflux so i know what its like to have screamer!

OP posts:

DonDrapersMistress · 31/07/2010 13:25

If it's been going on for 6 months then its obviously not controlled crying and I very much doubt your neighbours are not bothered.

It's one of those things that happen when you have kids and like you say your own DCs are capable of making enough noise to wake up your other neighbours.

montmartre · 31/07/2010 13:27

Sorry but my dd SCREAMED morning , noon and night for the first 14mo of her life- we never left her, never did CC, she was just in pain, colicky, had reflux, etc. She was held, swaddled, in a sling, in a bouncer, anything you can imagine- nothing worked.

Actually our neighbour moved out... just as we came to the end of it, and she turned into a lovely non-tantrummy toddler.

sanielle · 31/07/2010 13:27

Can you in a round about way find out if they are practicing controlled crying, and don't have a really whiny baby?

If they are could you explain it is becoming a problem as it is waking your dc up?

If they aren't, just pity them and walk away!

Original poster

skyeplusbump · 31/07/2010 13:31

honestly,they dont go to him.
i can hear when they do...on occasion,go in.

but i know i cant go over and say
anything...probably shouldnt have vented on here though...going to get slated now arent i?!

OP posts:

dribbleface · 31/07/2010 13:37

6 months is along time! Feel for you really i do. My neighbours are not nice and used to bang on the wall if DS woke up in the night (i always go to him), this was when he was about 7mths old (was really helpful that!)So in general in these discussions side with mum's but i can see it must be very hard for you!
No practical solutions though i am afraid!

Original poster

skyeplusbump · 31/07/2010 13:42

im a mum too!
and i dont mind toddler/child/baby noise,or crying.
but a screaming baby breaks my heart and recently, he's started to say mama,dada,mama,dada...

OP posts:

dribbleface · 31/07/2010 13:44

just read that back, didn't mean you were not a mum, meant in general see it from the side of the one with the crying baby.

It would break my heart too.

dekoLL · 31/07/2010 13:50

poor baby not good for him

Fibilou · 31/07/2010 14:03

Our neighbour has a very cry-y baby and it really makes me sad to hear her crying. She cries and cries and cries all evening until about midnight and I hear her poor mother trying and trying to soothe her but nothing works, baby is about 16 weeks old and has been like this since day 1. My poor neighbour, I feel terrible for her

whoneedssleepanyway · 31/07/2010 14:27

I agree with BertieBasset, how do you know no-one is comforting him, DD2 screamed at night for the first 7.5 months of her life, she had reflux and it was hideous nothing would calm her, i would have been mortified if my neighbours had said anything (we live like you in victorian terrace paper thin walls). i did say something to the neighbours at one point and they were v reasonable, not your fault etc and took them some wine at Christmas.

please don't say anything to them, i hope you aren't in a similar position with DC2 in a few months time....

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 31/07/2010 14:36

She's said several times that the walls are thin enough that she can hear if someone goes into the room.

OP, this would break my heart too. I'd want to go over and say hey, if your baby is crying and you're too tired/busy/stressed to respond, just bring him over to mine, I'll cuddle him. But obviously that would be entirely too inappropriate/creepy.

fedupofnamechanging · 31/07/2010 14:54

My DD is 2.9 and still wakes in the night. I feel bad for my neighbours cos 2.9 yrs is a long time to have their sleep disturbed. Perhaps your neighbour is comforting her baby, but is whispering so as not to disturb you further. Perhaps she is following the baby care advice to not speak to the child in the middle of the night because it further disturbs the babys sleep and is just in the room trying to quietly resettle him/her. (think that might have been the baby whisperer,but not sure). Anyway, my point is that you cant be certain that she is not comforting

whoneedssleepanyway · 31/07/2010 14:54

apologies i hadn't read the whole thread properly....and i see OP you have had your share of screaming baby too with reflux.

i still don't think though you can know the whole side of a story just from what you can hear through a wall really i know you say you can hear when they are in the room but i don't think you could confidently say you know 100% they are leaving him to scream without any intervention unless you were there witnessing it. i wouldn't feel comfortable confronting someone on the basis of what i thought i could or couldn't hear through a wall.

AvrilHeytch · 31/07/2010 15:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

skyeplusbump · 31/07/2010 16:02

we rent...shame as im sure our dc2 will be anoying the hell out of them in a few months time...
as i have said...you can really hear everything
i have had a screamer, i know what its like...
its just a few pepole have asked if i have said anything and i havent...just wanted to vent really...
i would never actually confront them about it,although i have toyed whith the idea of asked if they needed any help as tortoise suggested!

OP posts:

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