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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be absolutely gob smacked at this womans behaviour

45 replies

ChezzaB · 29/07/2010 21:34

Just finished work this afternoon and was waiting outside for DP to come and pick me up and this is walking towards me with a little girl (probably about 6) dawdling behind. This woman turns round andsays to the lo for f's sake hurry up. girl says something like I'm coming and the woman says fing hell hurry up i want to get home. girl starts crying and maybe mutters something at her mum at which point he mother turns round and says if you don't fing hurry up I'm going to fing slap you, talking to me like a piece of fing sht in public you stupid bitch.

This carried on down the street I really wanted to say somehing but thought I might get beaten up!I know children can be stressful but this is surely too much!!!! I just feel really bad for this girl, should I have done/said something or was I right to keep my nose out? WWYHD

OP posts:
Gigantaur · 29/07/2010 21:36

if you had said something you would have gotten a mouthfull of abuse.

Sadly such parenting is very very common.

FakePlasticTrees · 29/07/2010 21:36

Some people are horrible.

Marjee · 29/07/2010 21:46

Poor little girl! I wouldn't have said anything as much as I'd have wanted to, if thats how she speaks to a child can you imagine her response to a stranger?! She sounds utterly vile

Nomorerain · 29/07/2010 21:56

I wish I knew what the right answer is to this. Should we turn a blind eye to situations like this when a child could be being abused? If this sort of thing happens in public - what happens to that child behind closed doors?

onedeadbadger · 29/07/2010 22:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AlistairSim · 29/07/2010 22:03

I would and have said something in similar situations.

It's not appropriate to speak to anyone like that, particularly a child.

Sanesometimes1 · 29/07/2010 22:04

Nomoreain I totally agree with everything you;ve just said wish I knew the answer too,

funnysinthegarden · 29/07/2010 22:06

wouldn't have said anything, not your business. But would have been at how the mother thought it appropriate to talk to her little girl.

teameric · 29/07/2010 22:16

I'm not saying this womans behaviour was acceptable in any way, but you really don't know the full story, like deadbadger said it could have been the last straw of a bad day (I for one know all about that with my DD and her bloody tantrums) and I know I have been at the end of my rope with her a couple of times in public and shouted at her (and maybe swore a bit too not my finest of moments but sometimes kids can push us to our limits.

Nomorerain · 29/07/2010 22:36

Yes you're right, it could have been the result of a bad day but what if it wasn't? Would you really talk to your child like the OP described even if you were at the end of your rope? Maybe we should make it our business when we see a child being treated like that.

ReasonableDoubt · 29/07/2010 22:40

What a nasty, foul mouthed woman. Poor child. I wouldn't have been able to resist saying something, but you are right - she sounds the type to have given you a mouthful, too. I might have been tempted to follow her home and report her to SS.

I am shouty mum and not the most patient parent in the world, but there is NO excuse for calling a child a 'stupid fucking bitch'@teameric. That is vile and abusive.

teameric · 29/07/2010 22:45

But it really isn't our business is it? How can we decide wether or not a child is being abused from one encounter? If someone had approached me when I was shouting at my DD I would have probably told them to keep their nose out as they have no idea what I have had to put up with from DD prior to that. It is very hard to judge a situation like that imo.

ReasonableDoubt · 29/07/2010 22:48

I think anyone who calls their young child such vile names is not right in the head. I would find it deeply, deeply disturbing and a red flag for worse abuse.

teameric · 29/07/2010 22:51

mmm well I don't know about that but I'm going to step out of this conversation now

Starbuck999 · 29/07/2010 23:16

You do not know the situation as the others have said. From those few words you don't know whether she is a terrible parent or perhaps a great parent who swears alot generally and who had just had the day from hell, been fired, grandma just died, etc and lost her temper and is now sitting at home deeply regretting the way she spoke to her dd.

"Follow her home and report her to SS" that's a bit much considering the circumstances I think!

ReasonableDoubt · 29/07/2010 23:19

Are you crazy? Do you think calling a child a 'stupid fucking bitch' is normal? My whole family could be wiped out in a mass genocide and I wouldn't resort to calling my innocent child those sorts of names.

If anyone I knew used that language against their 6 yr old I would challenge it and I would be tempted to report them, yes.

squarehat · 29/07/2010 23:35

Some people do swear every other word and don't think anything of it - not saying its right but to some people its just what they do. My friends mum used to tell her to put the 'fcuk off' washer on

I don't think I would have said anything, agree its horrible but maybe the mother just swears a lot in general? Not sure it would be a case for SS just from hearing this.

Valpollicella · 29/07/2010 23:41

Sounds very much like the time I stopped a maybe 4/5 yr old from walking out into traffic, as her mum had already crossed the road.

I grabbed the girl out of instinct (way before I had DS; I wouldn't have walked into the road at that point!)

She, the mother started screeching at the little girl from the other side of the road, 'Oh ffs you stupid little c*, get here now!!'

Walked home thoroughly depressed at it. Xmas Eve...

No matter how much of a bad day I was having, no matter how much DS had annoyed me with tantrums or whatever - I would never do that (leaving him to cross a busy road, or use that kind of language at him when he didn't step out into a steady stream of cars

Mowiol · 29/07/2010 23:44

Under no circumstances (and we have had some stressful times over our 26 years of wedded bliss) would we ever have spoken to a little one like this. A parent's stress is just that........ a PARENT'S stress. My OH was once walking up a stairwell (at the hospital he works in) behind a couple with a little toddler. The toddler (as the name suggests) was lagging behind a wee bit and the Mum turned round and shouted something like "F....ng hurry up". My OH did a very deliberate turn around and stare manoeuvre just to register his presence. He was then rewarded by mutterings and growlings from the parents - but at least he made his disapproval obvious.

NonnoMum · 29/07/2010 23:52

Perhaps the point here is that the woman suggested she might slap her daughter.
Regardless of the language used, this would warrant a referral to SS.

(Not saying this to seem to be a MN hysteric, but just following guidelines I have come across in in my work with young people.)

Valpollicella · 29/07/2010 23:53

Good for him Mowiol

Cannot bear poor children being sworn at like that. Yes, if you're annoyed they're dawdling, I've done it before...'Oh will you PLEASE just walk PROPERLY!' etc

But not shouting obscenities at them

Mowiol · 29/07/2010 23:59

Swear words should only ever be used by adults (and I'm not keen on them even then) and never in front of children..... call me old fashioned but I've definitely noticed a difference in the way some (a minority) parents address their children nowadays.

AlistairSim · 30/07/2010 10:01

I wouldn't be calling SS on my mobile or shouting at the parent, but I would say how inappropriate I thought she was being.

And it is inappropriate. I don't care what a bad day you've had, you do not talk to children like that. There is no excuse.

Rugbylovingmum · 30/07/2010 10:49

It's so hard to know what to do though isn't it. I was at Ikea last weekend and passed a woman putting her son (maybe 18mo) into his car seat. A bloke was sitting in the front of the car and was clearly having an argument with the woman who was shouting and swearing back at him. Just after I passed she reached over and slapped the bloke who punched her back and they started having a huge fight, yelling and hitting each other as the poor wee boy screamed in the back of the car. I was so and and but didn't know what to do. I was too scared approach them, particularly as I was carrying DD (9mo), and before I could decide what to do they both got into the car, slammed the doors and drove off. Another lady in the car park noted their reg number and called the police but I don't know whether they were able to do anything. I just felt so all weekend thinking about at and also felt really guilty I didn't do anything but I still don't know what I should have done.

booyhoo · 30/07/2010 10:53

there was a similar thread to this last week about the same sort of thing only in macdonalds. i think responses were a mix of "stay out of it, you would only have been attacked or made it worse for the girl" and "you should speak up for the child so that the child is aware that what happened is wrong" this often came from people who had been treated like this as children.