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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder if i should return this call?

46 replies

EnglandAllenPoe · 29/07/2010 20:09

One for the MN jury

three years ago whilst PG with DD I had a good friend call me to say she didn't want any further contact from me. She said basically i had been no fun to be aound (probably true, had gone through 1 MC and termination for abnormalities whilst trying for 10 months to get a job! Life and soul of the party i was not.)

I was v. hurt, not least because was 37 weeks pg and beyond hormonal, and in my house alone as then-dp (now DH) was off on a course. But i apologised etc, thouh it did no good and the upshot i was minus one friend.

three nights ago she called DH's phone and asked me to call her. first contact in 3 years - I am now 39 weeks PG and could do without hassle..but then i am curious as to what its about...

so WWYD O Mumsnetters?

OP posts:
LisaD1 · 29/07/2010 20:11

My sensible head says ignore her but I'm nosey and would want to know what she wanted!

Sorry, no help at all!

Vallhala · 29/07/2010 20:11

Ignore the selfish bitch and get on with my life.

onepieceoflollipop · 29/07/2010 20:11

I would perhaps see if she wanted to apologise. There would be a tiny bit of me thinking that perhaps at the time when she was so awful to you, she was going through bad times too, but unbeknown to you?

Once you have spoken to her, you can decide what to do then?

potoftea · 29/07/2010 20:12

I wouldn't enter into a phone conversation with her. I'd text her my address if she wants to write to me, but would say that at moment I wasn't interested in a conversation.

Then if she writes you have time to digest what she says before answering.

oneortwo · 29/07/2010 20:12

how do you feel about her, do you still feel pangs of hurt about the first time when you think about it? or did you close that door back then?

if you are absolutely indifferent to her and are nosey then ring back. If you have any feelings about it/her don't.

IMO

StewieGriffinsMom · 29/07/2010 20:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

bearcrumble · 29/07/2010 20:13

Maybe call her and see what she has to say and if it isn't "sorry for being a cow", put the phone down and reject any further contact.

onepieceoflollipop · 29/07/2010 20:13

I also think that you want to ring her. Do you and she have any mutual friends or anyone who could perhaps shed any light on this initially without the commitment of you ringing her yourself?

Hassled · 29/07/2010 20:13

I'd return the call - I couldn't contain my curiosity. And I'd hope it was a call to apologise for being a twat.

LuluF · 29/07/2010 20:13

How awful for you to go through all of that - and how insensitive of her to phone you and actually say that. It seems deliberately hurtful to me. Many friendships just fizzle out for all sorts of reasons, no need to make a point of saying 'you're not my friend anymore'. It sounds very childish to me.

Personally, though I'd be curious, I wouldn't reply. It sounds like it's all on her terms to me and I don't think I could be bothered.

onepieceoflollipop · 29/07/2010 20:14

potoftea has a good suggestion. Perhaps if she was to write then your dh or a good friend could "screen" the letter and you would not be put in a potentially vulnerable position when heavily pg or with a newborn?

Hassled · 29/07/2010 20:14

But why your DH's phone? Couldn't she just have texted you to test the water? Very odd.

BitOfFun · 29/07/2010 20:15

Have you changed your number? I wonder why she contacted your husband?

Perhaps get him to text her an email address if she wants to get in contact with you, but I would be tempted to think she should just swivel on it really.

madamebovine · 29/07/2010 20:15

Definitely ring. I'm sure it could only be for something good, not just to slag you off again. I'm not sure I'd want to be friends again but if it's an apology then you could accept it with good grace and move on; being the better person.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 29/07/2010 20:15

I wouldn't.

If she wants to speak with you so badly, then she'll call again.

Although if you do call her (you will, won't you? I can tell ) then can I put my money on her being pregnant and expecting you to become no1 friend again and be her support. Or some other thing going on that means she's decided you can be of use.

Or maybe she's had a personality transplant and regrets her behaviour and wants to make it up to you.

LynetteScavo · 29/07/2010 20:16

I'd get DH to call her. See what she has to say for herself.

She said she didn't want any further contact form you, so let DH investigate. If she has BIG NEWS, then OK, but if she just wants to pick up where you left off, then she is going to have to work pretty damn hard.

LuluF · 29/07/2010 20:17

Actually - potoftea is spot on. But I'd be curious why she has picked now to do this. Do you have mutual friends? Does she know you are about to have a baby? Talk about picking times when you are potentially very vulnerable. That would make me a bit suspicious, actually.

BeerTricksPotter · 29/07/2010 20:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

oneortwo · 29/07/2010 20:19

Hectate, that was my first thought! she's pregnant or going through what OP has been through and NEEDS the OP rather than actually wanting to OFFER anything useful to OPs life

Oh I hope the OP rings and reports back!

JustAnother · 29/07/2010 20:21

She's obviously SO nice she's got no friends left, and she's trying to go back to the ones she dumped ages ago.

solo · 29/07/2010 20:22

Someone has died maybe?

Perhaps she's experienced something similar to you and now realises what an unsupportive 'friend' she was and wants to make amends...

I'd have to know what she wants

Original poster
EnglandAllenPoe · 29/07/2010 20:22

presumably she deleted my number. I certainly deleted hers!

at the time she was going to be my chief bridesmaid for my wedding (though that role would basicaly mean making a speech and organising my hen do, as we didn't hae a huge wedding) so had to decline in some direct fashion - not just not call.

we don't realy have mutual fiends - we were housemates and the people we hung out with were her friends first & foremost.

I don't think she was having a fantastic time in some ways then and i asked her about that at the time - but i think it was the normal ups and downs of the single life rather than anything particularly bad.

DH asked her what about and she said 'stuff' - it was 11 o'clock at night which makes me think she could have been drunk but DH said she sounded fairly quiet and composed.

OP posts:
oneortwo · 29/07/2010 20:26

"stuff", is she 12?

stainesmassif · 29/07/2010 20:31

she sounds pretty selfish. do you miss her friendship? would an apology be welcome or have you gone past the point of no return? from your description of events i feel angry on your behalf and wouldn't be returning the call!

Original poster
EnglandAllenPoe · 29/07/2010 20:31

i don't think i can face it unemotionally which is why i dont want to call - i really don't need to get upset about old crap all over again!.

I am curious though, and I think Hecate is spot on thinking it is a pregnancy issue she wishes to discuss with me. and then i could be the bigger person (kinda unavoidable at this stage!)

I think she strongly resented me for being pregnant back then.

this is becoming AIBU by stealth, though to put it all in one post would have been a bit of an essay...

OP posts: