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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder if i should return this call?

46 replies

EnglandAllenPoe · 29/07/2010 20:09

One for the MN jury

three years ago whilst PG with DD I had a good friend call me to say she didn't want any further contact from me. She said basically i had been no fun to be aound (probably true, had gone through 1 MC and termination for abnormalities whilst trying for 10 months to get a job! Life and soul of the party i was not.)

I was v. hurt, not least because was 37 weeks pg and beyond hormonal, and in my house alone as then-dp (now DH) was off on a course. But i apologised etc, thouh it did no good and the upshot i was minus one friend.

three nights ago she called DH's phone and asked me to call her. first contact in 3 years - I am now 39 weeks PG and could do without hassle..but then i am curious as to what its about...

so WWYD O Mumsnetters?

OP posts:
Hassled · 29/07/2010 20:33

Well you've had to wait 3 years - she can wait a few months. Wait till you've had the baby and are a bit less hormonal. There's no reason why you should return the call now.

onepieceoflollipop · 29/07/2010 20:34

How about you put your decision "on hold" for maybe 2-3 months and then decide? It would also be interesting to see if she pursues this, e.g rings your dh again.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 29/07/2010 20:35

You don't want to re kindle a 'friendship' just so you can be leaned on by someone who treated you like shit though, do you? What's in that for you?

BellevilleRendezvous · 29/07/2010 20:35

the thing is, what do you want out of contact? if she asks to be friends again, do you want that? or do you want the satisfaction of saying "no thanks".

or if she is ringing for a less positive reason, is clearly wanting support or to tell you something you don't want to hear, would that leave you feeling down and crap and mulling it all over again?

i'd say think what you want before you call her.

agree that she should write to you, why not get your DH to text her with your email address and a request to put it down on screen.

solo · 29/07/2010 20:35

She may need your help...would you give it if so? are you a forgiving kind of gal?

Manda25 · 29/07/2010 20:39

YABU for coming on here and making me wonder what your Ex-friend wants. YANBU for not wanting to returning her call (Although i really want you to call her now and immediately report back to me)

pigletmania · 29/07/2010 20:44

Personally I would'nt as others have said she sounds very immature and rude. Why put yourself though that again, she made herself perfectly clear the first time.

Original poster
EnglandAllenPoe · 29/07/2010 20:45

beertricks yes - you and hecate evdiently posses great minds...

i also suspect i was not very nice to her back then, in little ways. she came out with a massive list of little slights to her over the phone....which i don't think were intentional on my part, bu i can be a bit cactus like whilst moody. still...back then i said sorry.

she could have emailed me, as i haven't changed main add, so presumably this is a conversation thing rather than a thing to put in writing.

options

  1. text my number to the one that called so if she still wants to speak with me in the cold light of day, she can. this risks being caught at an innoportune moment (ie, any time the DCs are awake.)

  2. ignore, ignore, ignore...

  3. call her and be damned.

there really isn't any chance of me being friends with her, as friendship is built on trust...apart from sating my curiousity i have nothing to gain.

OP posts:
scallopsrgreat · 29/07/2010 20:46

Do you think she may have been an alcoholic/doing drugs back when she cut off your friendship and may be wants to apologise as part of recovery? Sounds to me like she wasn't in a good place if she needed people "to be fun around her".

Original poster
EnglandAllenPoe · 29/07/2010 21:11

funnily enough, she was in training for a marathon and had dropped the drugs and booze.

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 29/07/2010 21:12

Call her and be damned.

See what she wants.

As you say, there will be no friendship, but at least you can stop wondering.

warthog · 29/07/2010 21:15

well, up to you really.

any chance she might drag you back into drama?

scallopsrgreat · 29/07/2010 21:22

Well I'd have to ring her but I am a sucker for a sob story and have MUG tattooed across my forehead!

atmywitssend · 29/07/2010 21:36

Ooh, I'd have to call, just to find out what she wanted. No chance of being friends again though.

RubberDuck · 29/07/2010 21:41

I reckon scallops has hit on it, my first thought was that it was part of a 12 step program.

I'd find out what she wants but be prepared to put the phone down damn quick. The not knowing and having it nag at your mind will be far worse than the conversation.

ChippingIn · 29/07/2010 21:47

I would have to call - the curiosity would drive me up the wall....

I would see what she has to say.... if she's not apologetic and deeply sorry then you can always tell her to fuck the fuck off

I'm also a big old softie - so would also need know she was OK.... sad but true.

WhereYouLeftIt · 29/07/2010 21:49

I wouldn't call, it has the potential to be very upsetting to you. Do you really need that?

BitOfFun's suggestion, that your DH text her your e-mail address, seemed good to me. Put's the ball in her court. In writing, the tone of voice (mostly) disappears. What would have been vocally sarcastic and wounding looks a bit stupid and pathetic onscreen. Conversely, if she wants to be nice she's less likely to fuck it up because she can check before hitting send.

LittleMissHissyFit · 29/07/2010 21:51

no, i'd not give her the satisfaction of calling her back. You'll be setting yourself up for a whole world of hurt. She dumped you. If she were a bloke that had dumped you like that, would you scurry back for seconds!

solo · 31/07/2010 03:45

So what will you do OP?

ninedragons · 31/07/2010 05:50

Yeah, I thought 12-step programme.

Personally I wouldn't call her, but then I don't have 30 mumsnetters breathing down my neck waiting to find out if she's a recovering alcoholic, pregnant, or just fucking nuts and up for round 2 of a fight!

Ewe · 31/07/2010 06:56

I would have to call back but with a clear idea of own emotional boundaries. I'd worry about not returning call, what if she is very ill or something and just wants to make amends.

I can't think she would phone you to be nasty in any way, that wouldn't make sense at all.

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