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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to show DS my "middle bottom"

72 replies

greedyguts · 29/07/2010 10:34

DS (5) has been asking how babies come out of mummies. I wanted to tell him the truth (kind of) so I explained that mummies have 3 bottom bits - a front bottom for doing wees, a back bottom for doing poos and a middle bottom for babies to come out of.

He is desperate now to see the middle bottom and keeps asking me to show him. Should I? Would it scar him for life? How the hell can I stop him going on about it?

OP posts:
BarbieLovesKen · 29/07/2010 11:31

It is difficult sometimes, to know how much information is too much/ too little for children. I often wonder about this type of thing (sorry off topic) i.e. our dog of 13 years died 2 weeks ago. I didnt go with the "gone to live on a farm" lie that most suggested I do, I told her and she was absolutely fine with it (I was definately more upset). Have to be careful though, as I do see that whatever I tell dd is absolute Gospel to her - no questions asked. Shows how much power you really have as a parent. Often worry about messing her up.

My cousin on the other hand has the complete opposite parenting style to me, she would be absolutely and completely shocked if I told her that I had been so honest with dd about how baby came out. She chooses to "frill" things up abit more i.e. her 4 year old ds recently got his tonsils out. We are all not allowed ask him how he is, how hes feeling, that he was in hospital, had an operation because 1)we've been warned by her not to and 2) because his parents told him that he just went for a trip to the hospital and fell asleep and nothing happened.

Its hard, isnt it?.

We have a sort of cut off point in this house regarding privacy and members of the opposite sex, dd isnt allowed into bathroom when dh is showering/ in bath/ weeing or not allowed in our room if hes getting dressed since she turned 3, she is allowed in with me though, with ds we'll probably do the same in relation to girls privacy. We think this is appropriate but it is hard to know if its the right thing too...

Greedyguts, dont get annoyed, I sometimes think things are hilarious that no one else finds funny, I've that type of sense of humour, maybe this is one of those occasions where you've done the same? , I suppose to put into context, Imagine if you were a father asking should he show his 5 year old daughter his penis for educational purposes? doesnt go down well, I think thats why people get alarmed.

sapphireblue · 29/07/2010 11:38

noooooooooooooo!!!! There must be a book out there aimed at DCs his age that would cause him less emotional scarring than a gynocologists view of your fanjo!!!

sapphireblue · 29/07/2010 11:39

in answer to my question, yes there are. Search 'sex ed for young children' on amazon and take your pick.

EricNorthmansmistress · 29/07/2010 12:34

That was an absolutely Vom inducing post. If you wanted advice on how to handle it then you should have asked for advice. Asking whether you should show your 5 year old your vagina is revolting.

minipie · 29/07/2010 12:54

I would tell him that those parts are private - because society says they are and it's best that he learns that so he doesn't embarrass himself. But I would definitely get him a book and don't be embarrassed about answering questions truthfully.

I am surprised by how shocked some of the responses here are. I think it's far more damaging to be over prudish and hide information than to tell the truth.

"Emotionally scarred": what rubbish. Even if the OP were to show her DS her bits, I expect he'd just see it as another part of mummy's body and wouldn't be "scarred" at all. Kids don't have the same hang ups and taboos as we do, thank god.

Peabody · 29/07/2010 13:02

Please, please come up another way to describe a woman's body. Your title makes me cringe.

porcupine11 · 29/07/2010 13:07

I agree with minipie, surely it's worse to have him label genitals as wrong and banned in his mind? My toddler DS is not banned from the bathroom and bedroom when I'm getting up in the morning (I have to keep an eye on him for a start), and though he sometimes looks puzzled as to why I don't have a willy like him and his brother and his dad, I really don't think I'm emotionally scarring him.

It's people growing up with this kind of prudish mindset that think breastfeeding in public is wrong. And produces these preteen boys that scrawl vile graffiti and pictures all over playgrounds and park benches because they've only just found out about sex and think it's a huge novelty.

porcupine11 · 29/07/2010 13:08

And middle bottom seems much more sensible and literal than something like 'foo foo', which I've heard a lot of mums use.

veyron · 29/07/2010 13:10

Are you for real?

Ripeberry · 29/07/2010 13:12

Freak!!

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 29/07/2010 13:14

Do any of you still share baths with young children? Mine's only 20 months, but if I hop in the bath with her she's interested in what my body looks like. And I'm sure I've read threads on here with people saying they sometimes share a bath with older (i.e., 5) children?

I'm not saying that the OP sbould show her son her vulva, obviously, but all of this 'scarred for life' stuff is a bit OTT, surely?

Coolfonz · 29/07/2010 13:16

"middle bottom"??????!!!!!!! hehehehe

greedyguts · 29/07/2010 13:28

Thanks BarbieLovesKen & minipie - I do try to be truthful about things like this, but it is difficult to decide how much to tell kids sometimes. Death is another big topic round our house. I've told DS that although people believe lots of different things (angels, heaven, reincarnation, etc), no-one actually knows for sure. A few of my friends were horrified by this, but I didn't want to lie to him.

I'm surprised at the level of shock & disgust on here actually. One of my friends has a 10yr old DS and he was present recently at the homebirth of her DD. He thought it was amazing. Maybe it's not for everyone, but it is just skin, flesh & blood and I don't want DS to be embarrassed by this type of thing.

Mind you, he's still not seeing it

OP posts:
inveteratenamechanger · 29/07/2010 13:29

Agree with minipie, porcupine and tortoise.

Hilarious that so many posters think it would be 'disgusting' or 'scarring' to show a child your bits. Given the potential for him talking about it at school etc. it's probably not the greatest idea, but it is just part of our bodies after all.

I doubt whether anybody would think it was disgusting for a little boy to see his father's penis - so why are a woman's genitals so revolting?

FindingMyMojo · 29/07/2010 13:34

very funny post OP!
sorry no advice though

ihearthuckabees · 29/07/2010 13:45

GG - I also agree with minipie et al. I told my DS about sex when he asked (aged about 5) but I think he's blanked it out so will probably need telling again. LOL. I also think middle bottom is quite a good description. Much better than some silly nickname. It's quite neutral, and I don't think it has any 'dirty' connotations, as someone suggested.

Agree that a book is the way to go for your DS.

Barbie - not letting a 3 year old see her dad in the shower seems a tad excessive to me. I'd say kids don't start to get self-conscious about bodies til they're about 6 or 7, and later for some. Before that it is just natural curiosity IMO.

thisisyesterday · 29/07/2010 13:50

loving that it's ok for them to see a strangers fanny on youtube, but that showing them your own is so bad!

not suggesting for a minute op should lie down and spread her legs... but i do think people are overreacting a bit!
agree totally about small children seeing their dad's penis, so why not their mum's genitals too?

thisisyesterday · 29/07/2010 13:51

slightly off-topic, but can anyone recommend a good book about the body? not just sex, but the whole body?
ds1 wants to know how ears work (among other things)

slouchingtowardswaitrose · 29/07/2010 14:02

It is a vagina. Call it one.

Don't show him. Teach him genitals are private.

Show him an illustration in a book.

If you're in London, the Wellcome Gallery has some good paintings of childbirth.

porcupine11 · 29/07/2010 14:05

thisisyesterday - what age is your ds1? might be able to recommend one.

thisisyesterday · 29/07/2010 14:12

he is 5.5

inkyfingers · 29/07/2010 14:14

don't understand why DCs can't see parents at home with no clothes. If they see everything in a normal way as toddlers, it helps them be more relaxed about bodies. Why close the bedroom door to a 3 year old - if her dad's only putting his boxers on! We don't bother with bathroom lock much and older kids now prefer their privacy and I can take the hint. Course it's different if they have sleepovers/visitor staying.

Agree with porcupine - if we insist boobs are also never to be seen, how can girls feel OK about breastfeeding

greedyguts · 29/07/2010 14:15

thisisyesterday - we have this one and it's great.

www.amazon.co.uk/Inside-Your-Body-Usborne-Books/dp/0746070055

doesn't have middle bottoms in it though. or vaginas

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 29/07/2010 14:18

thanks greedy i might see if they have that at the library
i would like some vaginas, or middle bottoms, or vulvas, as he has yet to inquire as to where babies come from and it may help broach the subject lol

am sure he'll just stick to the pages regarding poo and wee tho lol

minipie · 29/07/2010 14:24

phew - am glad some people agree with me!

was beginning to wonder if I was weird not to be shocked by the OP

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