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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to bother sending Anniversary cards to friends and family?

32 replies

Rollergirl1 · 28/07/2010 23:18

My MIL always reminds me to send cards to BIL's and SIL's for their wedding anniversaries. I do. But only because we receive cards from them, no doubt as they are reminded too. But I don't care about getting anniversary cards from other people. Surely it only matters that your DP remembers? I wouldn't expect to receive anniversary cards from all of my friends or. It's just yet more pressure to remember yet another date. Aren't birthdays and christmas enough? I may be a sourpuss but I just get totally vexed with all this card-sending.

OP posts:
TheButterflyEffect · 29/07/2010 01:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Chil1234 · 29/07/2010 07:21

YANBU. The potential for card-sending, if you have a normal size family and are a sucker for every 'event' going, is vast. Remember 25ths, 40ths, 50ths (plus b'days and Xmas) but leave the rest alone. Talk to BIL and SIL about it... expect they'll be as relieved as you to drop the whole thing.

HollyGoHeavily · 29/07/2010 07:37

YANBU - everybody in my family gets a card on their birthday and at Christmas but I really don't see the point of sending anniversary cards. Surely it's something that's between you as a couple?

Having said that my mum gets very upset and makes rather pointed remarks about my forgetting if I don't send a card to her and my dad, my sister and my grandparents on their anniversaries. I fought it for a while but now grit my teeth and send one along for the sake of family harmony . No-one else gets one though!

Animation · 29/07/2010 07:45

I used to conform to the pressure to send anniversary cards - but I no longer do. I think celebrating the longevity of a relationship is a personal celebration between two people.

pumperspumpkin · 29/07/2010 07:59

I try to send one on the first anniversary of a wedding to which I was invited, and would for special anniversaries which the couple were actually celebrating, but apart from that - no way. Life is too short.

DandyDan · 29/07/2010 08:09

I send my parents a card every year - they are chuffed that I do so. I would send cards for big anniversaries of friends or older relatives.

We receive cards from our respective parents on our wedding anniversary.

mitochondria · 29/07/2010 08:12

I don't do this. I gave my parents a card and present this year, but only because it was their 40th. Otherwise don't see it as necessary - and wouldn't expect a card on our anniversary.

mitochondria · 29/07/2010 08:13

And why is MIL reminding you?

The "card sending is woman's job" thing really annoys me. I don't do it for husband's family. If he forgets or is late (as often happens) then I don't see it as my problem.

My mum still rings my brother up to remind him to send birthday cards, he is 35.

proudnsad · 29/07/2010 08:19

No you are not being unreasonable, as others said I only send cards on the 'big ones'. It's THEIR wedding anniversary not yours so I think it's OTT to expect presents and cards from others.

TrillianAstra · 29/07/2010 08:27

Do people do this? It's not my wedding anniversary, why would I send a card or even remember?

MathsMadMummy · 29/07/2010 08:32

YANBU, it's just another excuse to make money for the card companies IMO. it's nice to acknowledge it perhaps - maybe a phone call.

DH and I make a big deal of anniversaries but wouldn't expect anyone else to, we were really surprised when our friends gave us a 1yr anniversary card when they visited last year!

EveWasFramed72 · 29/07/2010 08:33

I am so glad this thread is here!!
My family has never 'done' anniversary cards, unless it's a huge one, and there's usually a party that goes with that.

My in-laws however, get really offended that I don't send anniversary cards, even though I have told them from the beginning, in a light hearted way that they would never get one from me. One SIL actually made me sign a card that she can put up every year!

Our 5th anniversary is tomorrow, and my DH and I don't even buy cards...we commemorate in our own little ways...I just don't see the point of wasting the money/time/ resources on all this ridiculous card buying!

Numberfour · 29/07/2010 08:36

YANBU. I agree that the celebration is between the couple and then at Big Anniversaries, a card and / flowers or gift etc is appropriate.

But then I am very bad with sending cards at the best of times....

withorwithoutyou · 29/07/2010 08:42

Totally agree!!

I've never sent anniversary cards to my Mum, then last year she basically had a go at me and said she expected one from now on.

Luckily I managed to have a very new, newborn baby on her anniversary this year and she hasn't mentioned me not sending one.

ruddynorah · 29/07/2010 08:55

yes DH's family are big on cards. my family aren't. i found the level of card sending quite bizarre. dh does it all though, i have no part in it...birthdays, christmas, anniversaries, easter, new year, halloween (!!) and any and every thing like new job, new home, first day at nursery/school, congratulations on anything and everything, thinking of you for anything and everything.

also every card seems to have to be as 'personal' as possible ie a card for each relation. if MIL can't find the right one she will emboss the card with something appropriate. so on my 30th i got a specific 30th card, and she stuck on it a 'daughter in law' craft sticker thing.

consequently, for his sister at christmas dh dutifully sends off 'sister and brother in law' 'neice' 'cousin' 'cousin' (one from dd and one from ds..to the same 1 cousin) so yes that's 4 cards for 3 people FFS!!!

oh, and finally, all these cards have to posted. we all live in the same town, and we see everyone all the time, but still all cards must be posted 'so you get your card first thing on your birthday.' in practice this means cards arrive about a week before your birthday in case of post delays, so we probably get the card then see the relations twice before it's the birthday.

bloody ridiculous.

Baileysismyfriend · 29/07/2010 09:00

YANBU!!! My mum is shocked every year when I don't send my sister and brother in-law an anniversary card, it just seems so pointless.

I think its over the top and why should anyone else care about my wedding anniversary, its odd!

ruddynorah · 29/07/2010 09:17

just remembered also we have to send ILs an actual invitation to dd's birthday parties, so her 1st, 2nd, 3rd and 4th parties they were sent kids party invitations.

then of course they sent dd a thank you card for inviting them and to rsvp that they were coming. and then a card after the party to say thank you for the party.

anniversary cards really pale into some semblance of normal with all this.

notagrannyyet · 29/07/2010 09:23

Only sent important ones up until now...1st, 25th etc. I might send one every year to DS1 & DIL. I don't expect cards on our anniversary.....until 40th!....that's our next big one.

notagrannyyet · 29/07/2010 09:31

Did you marry into the royal family ruddy?

We send out proper invites for 18ths, weddings and the like, and we used to ensure DC sent thank you letters when they were small. Would your PIL not come without a formal invitation?

DetectivePotato · 29/07/2010 09:38

YANBU. I didn't even know that other people other than spouses sent anniversary cards until our first anniversary and we got cards from other people.

I send my nan and step grandad one but nobody else and I don't really care if I don't get one from others too. As long as me and DH remember, thats all that matters, after all we are the ones celebrating our anniversary.

DuelingFanjo · 29/07/2010 09:39

I don't really care. People sent them to me and my DH (it was our first wedding anniversary) which was nice of them but I wasn't expecting it and never send any out myself!

SandStorm · 29/07/2010 11:29

I've never sent an anniversary card - not even to DH and he's never sent me one. Having said that though, we did both forget completely this year. I finally remembered at about 8pm having spent the day trying to work out why the date sounded vaguely familiar!

gagamama · 29/07/2010 11:38

YANBU. I bought a wedding anniversary card for a 1st anniversary party (!) I am attending at the weekend - I kind of felt uncomfortable choosing it, like it was none of muy business how they feel about their marriage 1 year in. I feel I should probably get a present too, but I'm totally stumped about that as well.

What I find more annoying is the expectation from my parents that I will provide a card for their wedding anniversary - I wasn't there, I wasn't even born! My dad usually calls me up about a week before and says 'its our wedding anniversary next week, I think your mum would really appreciate a card and a little something from you'. The cheek! I've never forgotten it anyway (unlike him, ha!) so the reminder really annoys me.

ruddynorah · 29/07/2010 17:53

notagranny no they wouldn't come. and they would stop speaking to us. seriously. does my head in.

minipie · 29/07/2010 17:59

YANBU

Wedding anniversaries are between the couple. If someone else happens to remember then that's slightly stalkerish very sweet but certainly no need to get a card.