to expect my ex to care for our son's medical condition?

[ilovehens]

My son is 11 and has an acute nut allergy. He is highly allergic to several different types of nuts and needs to carry an adrenaline pen with him.

He has recently attended the hospital and the consultant tested him and then told me that he must avoid all foods which contain nuts or may contain nuts at all times. I explain to my son how to read labels and how to keep himself safe. He is sensible about it and copes well with this problem.

He sees his father during the school holidays due to him living so far away. Before he went away he told me that he was very anxious about the foods his father is expecting him to eat and that many of them have nut warnings on and that when he pointed this out to him his father just tells him off.

I am telling him how to cope with this health problem and his father more or less tells him to ignore me. He has had a few scares whilst he has been with him, but not anaphylaxis thankfully.

I am at my wits end and don't know what to do about this problem. This problem has been through the family court years ago and they just said that until something happens to my son there's nothing I can do. The problem is, if he does ingest something dangerous it could kill him.

This man is affecting our son's mental and possibly physical health as well as sending out dangerous messages to the child about what he can and can't eat.

I wouldn't send him. At all. Until he takes his medical condition seriously then his life is at risk every time he's there. Not trying to scare you but what if he did eat something that he reacted to whilst there and the "father" didn't do anything fast enough? Doesn't bear thinking about. Don't risk it, just don't send him.

Offer the father to come to you and take him out for a day/hours/whatever instead if you feel you can.

Clothilde, I can see you mean well in describing your condition, but from what I have read here, the OP's ds has an allergy that is more severe than what you describe.

Also, my nephew has an allergy so severe he had a reaction and needed treatment simply after kissing his sister's toddler, who had eaten peanut butter very shortly beforehand. He absolutely cannot eat anything that "may contain nuts".

The fact that the OP's ds had such a strong reaction to the pinprick tests indicates a very severe allergy.

Poor you. Your ex is behaving appallingly. Has your DS's consultant written to him direct outlining the severity of the allergy in no uncertain terms?

Apologies if that suggestion's already been made and I've missed it.

Have just read some of the posts on this one. Bit of a tricky one this.

The only thing I can suggest is that your ex gets a copy of the letter from the consultant or take the copy to court and ask to have it read out to him. That way he can't say he's not aware of how dangerous your son's allergy can be.

They can't do anything 'until something happens'???! That's ridiculous! Surely one of the things SS look for is parents putting their children at risk of harm, which is precisely what your ex is doing.

Hope you get this sorted, what a nightmare.