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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect my dd to be more supervised at pre-school?

32 replies

beesonmummyshead · 27/07/2010 20:48

Dd is almost 3 and has been having regular visits to the preschool from her nursery.

She is a rather high maintenance child and tells me she doesn't like pre-school. She dislikes most new things, so I listen, nod, reassure and ignore.

Last week she came home from preschool in pull-ups because she wet her pants, and her spare set of pants whilst taking herself to the toilet. Nursery staff say she just stood and wet herself, dd said she didnt pull down her trousers enough and thus weed on her pants whilst on the toilet. Twice. She was appalled to be in pullups (and has not had an accident since she was toilet trained 7 months ago).

Today she came home covered and I mean covered in felt pen. Both hands were purple, one arm was mottled purple and pink, her leg (under her trousers) was stripy blue with stars. Her trousers socks and canvas shoes were also coloured in. Her face was covered, even on her eyelids, as was her hair.

Nursery offered a bland apology but no explanation. Dd says the nursery nurser was sitting looking at her whilst she did it but not saying anything. She wouldn't let her draw on her tummy apparently

DH thinks its just something kids do, and I should relax more. To a certain extent I agree, dd is a meance . But I can't help but feel this was a work of art going on, which obviously went on for longer than just a minute or two.

Would you be irritated by this, or am I overreacting?

OP posts:
Original poster
beesonmummyshead · 27/07/2010 20:49

menace, not meance!

OP posts:
orienteerer · 27/07/2010 20:49

Relax

Bingtata · 27/07/2010 20:52

Pull ups I wouldn't be happy with, I would suggest they get some cheap spare knickers, I know DD's nursery have these. Colouring herself in - not bothered.

DD came home from nursery COVERED in pink paint. Her keyworker apologised profusely and said that they had been making paint bubble pictures. I told her that as long as DD had fun, who cares about abit of paint!

mousymouse · 27/07/2010 20:54

relax, ds came home today with black dirt all over, purple fingernails and sparkles in the hair. not to forget the poo marks in his undies because he was too busy to wipe...

create · 27/07/2010 21:11

DS2 drew stripes up his own and a friend's arms and legs "becasue they wanted to be tigers" Who could/should stand in the way of that?

EvilTwins · 27/07/2010 21:15

Relax. There are things much worse than felt pen.

Am a bit that the pre-school doesn't have a better stock of knickers though - surely accidents like that must be a daily occurence.

shoshe · 27/07/2010 21:19

One of my mindees managed to cover herself in pen, whilst sat next to me in the car, another two when painting, painted each other, bright green, they looked like mini hulks (It may have been my fault, they were either side of the easel, and I told them to paint each other, meaning paint a picture of each other, bit stupid to say to two 3 year olds )

mumbar · 27/07/2010 21:26

ds 5.11 yr 1 came home covered in felt tip on t shirt and leg last week did ask him how he manaed that whilst sitting at a table but did not et a response worth worrying about

Thats just children.

Yes maybe they should have more spares or maybe they felt dd would be happier in pull ups to save her the embarrassment of more accidents.

oh and last month ds came home from after school club in a grey white polo t shirt - they apoloised and I laughed that I'd rather know he was having fun as if i'd picked him up and he had been sat still writing or something I would have been concerened he was ill

ThingOne · 27/07/2010 21:32

Felt tip wouldn't bother me - I think it's something all children want to do and they find it fun.

Pants is a bit rubbish though. I would expect them to have a proper supply of spare pants. My son's nursery certainly does. We just wash and return.

SloanyPony · 27/07/2010 21:39

I'd be livid at a potty trained child being put in any kind of pull-up or nappy which essentially they are but I suppose if they really did have nothing else, its better than her being naked. They should have spares, even if she has to wear Ben 10 on her bum instead of Peppa Pig or if its a size wrong. What I'm saying is did they really have nothing else? That is bad form.

The pen - generally I'm not bothered about mess like that on kids if its done as part of a fun activity, educational, whatever. But it sounds almost as if she were just bored and not being supervised. But its hard to say. If it were a regular occurance and that's all she seemed to "achieve" at preschool, then you probably are on to something but as a one off, I wouldn't sweat it. I'd be a bit irritated if they sat and watched my son colour in his shoes though - I'm not overly precious about thing like that, like I say, but even "washable" doesn't always wash out, and if it acutally ruined a pair of shoes I'd be miffed. Particularly if they were aware. So YANBU but chill for a bit and see.

Bonsoir · 27/07/2010 21:43

YANBU. I would have hated my child returning from pre-school in the mess you describe and would have found it totally unacceptable. Learning to live cleanly and tidily is part of education too.

BranchingOut · 27/07/2010 22:21

Maybe the nursery do have a set of spare pants but they are all currently out on loan?

Can happen quite quickly if a few children have accidents, don't have their own spares and then parents don't return them for a few days.

NeverPushWhenItSaysPull · 27/07/2010 22:40

I am delighted that DD(2) and DS(4) come home from the CM with filth under their nails, glue in their hair and all manner of colour and glitter on random body parts. They get to do all the stuff there I really hate doing at home. DD also comes home in bizarre combinations of borrowed clothes because of more accidents than her wardrobe can cope with. (She is a menace too )

I'd prefer her to go commando than wear pull-ups though.

pigletmania · 27/07/2010 22:54

Chillax! Its not the end of the world, as long as they are having fun. As for the pants thing, better than being in wet pants all day! Mabey she will learn to pull them down more in future

bibbitybobbityhat · 27/07/2010 23:01

Hmm. I'm very relaxed about dirt and mess but that amount of colouring/drawing on herself suggests that she was left to get on with it for a very long time, and I would be niggled by it also.

UniS · 27/07/2010 23:03

felt pen- it happens. all part of mark making and learning what happens if you draw on your own skin. DS seems to bring more pen home on himself than he does on paper but at least he is handling a pen now and again by choice.

ChippingIn · 28/07/2010 00:50

Bingtata/Mouseymouse/NeverPush (etc) - that kind of scruffy/covered-in-crap I wouldn't mind at all because it's a by-product of having fun However, what the OP describes is a child being left for quite some time unsupervised or being watched doing this to herself - deliberately covering her skin and her clothes/shoes in felt pen. I would be pretty pissed off to be honest.

I honestly don't understand how some of you don't mind your children deliberately covering their clothes and shoes in felt pen ?!

I would have been annoyed if she had been put in pull ups, but at our nursery we have bags with spare clothes that stay there and my LO's have about 5 pairs in there - so no excuse! As she was wearing trousers I'd rather they just let her go comando!

prozacfairy · 28/07/2010 06:51

I wouldn't be happy with pull ups- my DD would have gone apeshit too!

As for the pen I admit I would have been cross too. Yes it's something they all do my dd included, but if they did sit and watch her do that, why? Would they have let her draw on the walls or a staff member? I doubt it.

Have a word bout the weeing on her trousers- sounds like she needs a hand if she accidently weed on them while on the loo. If she stood there and weed in front of them it's probably just anxiety about starting somewhere new and she'll get over it soon.

LadyBiscuit · 28/07/2010 07:22

My DS has a spare outfit at nursery for accidents (not necessarily wee-related but leaping in paddling pool when clothed etc ).

I wouldn't be that happy by that amount of felt pen either but that's not lack of supervision by the sounds of things, it's lack of bother. I'd just ask them to stop her in future if it bothers you

sunny2010 · 28/07/2010 08:06

I work in a nursery and most parents steal the pants and lost property and never bring it back so we never have enough either.

We have some parents who put in a couple of pairs of pants and clothes changes, but most just take whatever you lend them and you never see it again.

Goblinchild · 28/07/2010 08:11

sunny, same thing happens in reception. You get the stuff back one in three times if you are lucky. Even more rarely, it's washed.

Blondeshavemorefun · 28/07/2010 09:02

putting in pull ups is a disgrace and prob caused great embarassment to your dd - nurserys normally have spare knickers and if they had run out (kwym about parents not bringing them back ) then surely dd could have gone comando under her dress/trousers etc rather than put in a baby pull up

i would be having words

the felt tips, yes fab having fun and coming home with paint/glue etc thats what baths are for BUT sounds like she was covered and tbh i do tell my dc not to draw on theirselves and only on paper - let alone on clothes

obv the staff at nursery were not watching

ChippingIn · 28/07/2010 11:36

I can't believe that there are places where so much 'borrowed' clothing goes missing/gets stolen. I can see that there'd be the odd lazy parent who just wouldn't be arsed to take it back - but that much ????

On the odd occasion the LO's have come home in something not theirs (always water play or paint related!!) because they've been in a different area of the school and not near their own spare clothes, I have always washed and ironed them - which is more than most of our clothes get (the ironing that is, not the washing!!) pretty much overnight and feel guilty if I have had them a couple of days.

I also donate a lot of their outgrown clothes to the nursery/schools 'spare clothes' supply and always give them a double wash & iron first.

Am I really nuts or is this 'quite normal'?

Original poster
beesonmummyshead · 28/07/2010 20:11

I am a bit calmer today

However I am still annoyed that dd was allowed to draw on her clothes and shoes. It is not washable feltpen. It took an awful lot of soap and scrubbing to get it off her skin, it is still over her eyelids, because I can't do anything except wipe her eyelids with water?! There is no hope of getting it out of her shoes, and unlikely to get out of her trousers, though they were dark so it's possible it will fade with enough washing.

Am interested that most people think it is worse to have dd in a pull-up. I admit to being a bit surprised by this, but not overly concerned. The nursery told me that they had no spare pants.

OP posts:
UnholyMoley · 28/07/2010 20:15

My 13yr old still draws on her arms, so you should probably get used to it

It's best to send them to pre-school (surely pre-school is out for summer now, or is it a private nursery?) in knackered old clothes that you care little about.

I'd be very cross about the pull ups though.