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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to find these dinner guests annoying.

43 replies

swanandduck · 27/07/2010 13:45

I invited a couple of friends over for dinner and went to lots of trouble shopping for, and cooking a nice meal. When they arrived one of them announced that she'd eaten with the children at tea time so would only have a tiny amount of dinner. This happened to me before when I had a few people over for a meal and one of them announced that she'd had a dinner at lunchtime and would just have the starter.
(and before anyone asks, no I'm not a crap cook)..
Other friends have had similar experiences. AIBU to think people like this are a bit rude and inconsiderate?

OP posts:
Eglu · 27/07/2010 13:48

I think if people are invited for dinner then they should not have tea with the children earlier. I think it is quite rude.

AlaskaNebraska · 27/07/2010 13:48

is she thin?

FionaSH · 27/07/2010 13:49

YANBU, it is rude.

Jacksmybaby · 27/07/2010 13:49

OMG YANBU. That is incredibly rude!

atswimtwolengths · 27/07/2010 13:50

That's incredibly rude!

If I turned up to someone's house and wasn't expecting dinner (hard to imagine when you've had a dinner invitation, then I'd shut up and eat whatever was given to me.

gorionine · 27/07/2010 13:50

YANBU, it is rude (as long as invite was clearly for dinner)

Poledra · 27/07/2010 13:50

If someone invites me over for dinner, I am more likely to not eat, so I have plenty space to stuff myself sample the culinary delights on offer (with the honourable exception of visiting a very dear family friend who is, however, a dire cook - though that's got better since she discovered M&S Dinner for Four ).

turnitup · 27/07/2010 13:51

YANBU

Oblomov · 27/07/2010 13:53

YANBU

StealthPolarBear · 27/07/2010 13:54

were theyu definitely invited "for dinner"? If so, that is incredibly rude and bizarre!

StealthPolarBear · 27/07/2010 13:56

Not sure what you can do though other than return the favour - when they plonk the lovingly prepared meal in front of you explain you scoffed a family bag of doritos before you left so you're not really hungry. In fact can you just have a banana??
(I eat too many meals with a 3yo )

Original poster
swanandduck · 27/07/2010 13:58

Yes, it was definitely an invitation for dinner, there was no ambiguity.
I like your idea Stealth. In fact, I might ask for something really annoying like a boiled egg!

OP posts:
proudnsad · 27/07/2010 13:59

YANBU

It's exactly the kind of thing by db does. But it's more flakiness and weirdness than rudeness.

StealthPolarBear · 27/07/2010 14:01

don't forget the toastie soldiers

AgentZigzag · 27/07/2010 14:06

Could she be a freaky eater and only likes eating certain things? Or does she have a thing about eating in front of other people?

If not, then YANBU, definately rude (unless she brought a bottle of expensive wine round to make up for it).

PollyTechnique · 27/07/2010 14:09

YANBU

I was taught that if you were offered food by someone in their home it was polite to graciously accept it.

Excluding a medical reason, allergy etc, it's polite to acknowledge and appreciate that someone has gone to the trouble of being hospitable.

(Thinks of HM The Queen having to down various indigenous "delicacies" on her foreign travels!)

I must admit it annoys me when people on diet refuse a homemade cake - not a problem to literally have a couple of mouthfuls, surely, just to reward the hostess' efforts and join in being sociable?

arsesandoldlace · 27/07/2010 14:09

YANBU, but I am wondering if you serve dinner much later than she would normally eat?
Although in that situation she should have just had a snack to tide her over.

Original poster
swanandduck · 27/07/2010 14:12

No, she's not a fussy eater she just didn't seem to think there was anything wrong with eating with the children and then telling me she only wanted a tiny bit of my lovingly prepared meal. I served dinner at 8, which I don't think is particularly late. If I was feeling really peckish around 5ish and was due out later for dinner I would just have a slice of toast or a cracker or something, not an entire tea.

OP posts:
Chil1234 · 27/07/2010 14:14

The 'I already ate' excuse is very common among peope either on a diet or suffering from an ED.

StealthPolarBear · 27/07/2010 14:16

Oh come on adults should be able to cope with their normal eating time varying?
I agree with the others, she has an ED!

Jacksmybaby · 27/07/2010 14:16

Could it have been a cover up for something she didn't want to admit e.g. either a) being pregnant or b) some sort of embarrassing bowel problem?!

PollyTechnique · 27/07/2010 14:18

Surely polite to explain/make excuses before your hostess has worked hard on preparing a meal that you don't want it?

Or sit there and at least eat a small portion (and be suitably full of praise about the food!).

Original poster
swanandduck · 27/07/2010 14:19

No, honestly, I've often been out to restaurants with her. She doesn't have an ED or anything like that. She actually has quite a healthy appetite.

OP posts:
TheCrackFox · 27/07/2010 14:21

I agree with the other posters who say the "I have already eaten" brigade are normally on a diet or, possibly, have an eating disorder.

Soapsy · 27/07/2010 14:22

YANBU. She was rude. Don't invite her again. Or if you do, don't cook enough for her and then say oh sorry, I thought you'd already have eaten' as you serve everyone else.

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