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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to find these dinner guests annoying.

43 replies

swanandduck · 27/07/2010 13:45

I invited a couple of friends over for dinner and went to lots of trouble shopping for, and cooking a nice meal. When they arrived one of them announced that she'd eaten with the children at tea time so would only have a tiny amount of dinner. This happened to me before when I had a few people over for a meal and one of them announced that she'd had a dinner at lunchtime and would just have the starter.
(and before anyone asks, no I'm not a crap cook)..
Other friends have had similar experiences. AIBU to think people like this are a bit rude and inconsiderate?

OP posts:

DollyTwat · 27/07/2010 14:42

YANBU

my ex sil law used to do this. In fact they'd arrive late for dinner at our house because she'd been cooking something for herself. She once said that 'it was a shame she'd eaten because it actully looked really nice'.

We stopped inviting them after that one

MaryMungo · 27/07/2010 14:42

Am I right in reading OP that she asked for small portion, not refused all together? Then YABabitU. Sometimes you are just not feeling up to eating a full meal, and it's not good to force yourself. Had to do this at a dinner party when faced with salmon and 10 weeks pregnant. Usually love salmon but was feeling boaky at the sight. Had to make up excuse on the spot, said I was on a meat-free cleanse

Okay to be in private but don't hold a grudge.

porcamiseria · 27/07/2010 14:43

that would really fucking annoy me!

invite me rouhd I am always ready to munch!

moondog · 27/07/2010 14:47

cheeky fucker.
So rude to draw attention to yourself in this fashion. If not hungry, just have small portion and pick. I went right off one 'friend' when she refused a glass of Champagne when calling to see our new baby. Made such a fuss and spolit sense of occasion. Should havbe gracefully accepted half a glass, put to lips once or twice, then left discreetly.

Blu · 27/07/2010 14:48

REALLY rude.
Next time you invite her for dinner, serve nothing but a banana and say 'oh, sorry, I ate earlier so wasn't hungry enough to cook'.

PlanetEarth · 27/07/2010 14:49

Yeah, had a friend do this once. "I'm not really hungry, I stopped at an art gallery opening on the way over to your flat, they had free food so I couldn't turn it down."

He was hard-up, I think he just couldn't resist because the food was free... (of course, the dinner I had cooked for him would have been free too!)

onepieceoflollipop · 27/07/2010 14:56

YANBU, my db does this for some reason (he does not have an ed)

Years ago I invited him and his new gf. He told me he was not hungry...apparently he had been hungry an hour before so had eaten fish and chips. His gf was v embarrassed. She had not had the fish and chips but was on abs for something (recovering from chest infection I think) and was feeling nauseous but she made a valiant attempt to eat a little of the meal.

More recently on holiday db and his dp (different woman) came out for a meal. He forced a main course down and was then keen to leave as he was bored; I told dh that no wonder as he had eaten about 12 biscuits/cakes just before we had left for the meal.

I had a bit of a tricky experience years ago with ex-h. His godmother (who was lovely) invited us for a meal, only she didn't tell us it was for a meal. We arrived at his mothers around 5pm, expecting that she would give us a meal (as arranged) but there was a mix up. En route to godmother's home we stopped and guzzled fish and chips. (large portions) On arrival she immediately served a full meal. Somehow we managed to eat some. Then she produced home made icecream and chocolate mousse because she knew I loved it. We did the only polite thing, which imo is to eat as much as it possible and be appreciative

stripeyknickersspottysocks · 27/07/2010 15:02

Very rude.

My sil and mil came for lunch and dinner one day. I had bought and prepared food. Sil arrived with chili which she insisted I serve for lunch. Thought that was odd

rockinhippy · 27/07/2010 15:21

my initial thoughts were same as everyone else...weird & VERY rude.....but having had a similar thing happen with a male friend a while back, if its the first time they've done it, perhaps theres more too it??..........

in our case I;d cooked curry especially for this particular friend who loves curry & usually my cooking.......he turned up with his Girlfriend, sat at the table with everyone & refused to eat,,,,nibbled a bit of poppadom .......... found out later the poor sod had been up all night with a very bad stomach upset & was scared to death to eat anything properly in case it set him off again, but despite usually being quite loud & not in any way reserved, he was too embarrassed to say

Diamondback · 27/07/2010 15:41

Rude, rude, rude! I once invited a load of friends round for 2pm on Boxing Day and told everyone I would be putting on food, got in enough lovely hot and cold buffet nibbles to feed an army and almost every single guest turned up and went 'Oh, I just had lunch.'

I know 2pm is a bit late for lunch, but couldn't they have had a snack to tide them over?

I also have a friend who, every time she comes to see me, won't drink the wine I buy and drinks her own that she brought. She has mentioned in the past that she's a bit picky about wine, so I always get in a nice expensive bottle for her, not Chardonnay (she hates Chardonnay) and then she won't drink it. The last time I went to stay with her for the weekend, I brought some beers and a bottle of wine as she was cooking, and she gave it all back to me when I left. I think she thought she was being nice but, given that I'm pregnant, when am I going to drink it?

In fact, when her DH poured her a glass of the beer I'd brought, she poured it down the sink and got some of her own beer from the fridge. And it wasn't the cheap stuff either!

So how come when I'm at other people's houses, I eat/drink whatever's put in front of me, no matter how minging? Am I a mug?

Original poster

swanandduck · 27/07/2010 15:48

Actually Diamondback, your friend sounds ruder than my friend.

OP posts:

nickelbabe · 27/07/2010 15:52

yanbu - she was rude.
you should have sent her home with a doggy bag!

onepiece - that 's funny

oftenpurple · 27/07/2010 15:54

YANBU Surely it's just good manners to have at least some of what your hostess is offering? Even if you've already eaten, a few mouthfuls won't kill you (allergies and life-threatening conditions aside!).

I remember gulping down the most awful black, strong coffee at my Great Auntie's house whilst smiling and chatting politely - I was 10.

thumbwitch · 27/07/2010 15:56

YANBU - it's very rude. I had lunch with a couple of girlfriends a while ago, at one's house (she cooked). The other ate a minuscule amount, as she had "had a late breakfast of porridge and was too full". My other friend was quite offended, although she covered it well.

fightingthela · 27/07/2010 16:01

We invited friends round for dinner once and when they turned up they threw their McDonalds bags in our bin!!! Had stopped for Big Mac on the way and couldn't eatany of our food.

ponceydog · 27/07/2010 16:05

yeah, it's rude, dead rude. She should have said she'd prefer to meet and have drinks if she had some reason for not wanting to eat a meal.

spingspong · 27/07/2010 16:11

YANBU, very rude behaviour.

I remember eating three full Christmas dinners, with pudding, in 36 hours in an attempt to keep parents and in-laws (who had separated and were with new partners) happy... couldn't look at turkey and Christmas pud for quite some time

Jackstini · 27/07/2010 16:27

OMG fightingthela - that is the height of rudeness!
S&D - YANBU either - she was a cheeky cow!

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