to prefer sleeping with my shoes to my DH?

[whomovedmychocolate]

Well? Am I? I have moved into our dressing room and even bought a daybed so I will be really comfortable in there. My mother says I should not do this because 'it's a shame not to share a bed'. Bollocks it is. I've slept better for the last two nights than I have in months!

DH, bless him, seems to turn into a furnace at night and gets really hot and also snores and farts almost continually. It's not his fault though, you can't help snoring. The farting I suspect he is unaware of and I'm far too nice to tell him it's because he stinks!

I've discussed it with him and his argument is 'you are a much nicer person when you've had enough sleep so go for it!'

So AIBU to prefer to sleep with my shoes than my husband

Maybe he should get checked out by the doctor?

For what - he's always farted, snored and been hot at night. It's quite nice in the depths of winter but not great in 30 degree heat?

I like to be freezing cold with no covers on. He likes a big thick duvet in the summer.

is this for real? bit extreme....and not sustainable really is it?

It is for real and why is it not sustainable? Lots of couples sleep in different rooms. Makes it all the more special when we do choose to sleep together.

I've not slept with my dp for years because of his snoring and shift work and we have a great relationship which I'm sure we wouldn't have if we had sleepless nights together. I sleep in the bottom bunk in dd's room.

dh is boiling. i am freezing. no covers on him, me wrapped up like a sausage roll. he snores and farts. doesn't bother me.

I think there's more to this than meets the eye.

If we had a spare room then I'd take it like a shot.

I love the thought of each of us having our own room and "visiting" each other if we fancied a cuddle. Mmmmmm sleeeeeeeeep.

Dh is also a furnace (I'd sleep with him in the winter months actually) and has a tendancy to snore and our bedroom is only big enough for a standard double which he takes up about 4/5ths of.

I could read into the small hours without being moaned at, sleep like a starfish if I wanted to, throw off all the covers or have them all tucked around me. Bliss.

Ladyintheradiator - thank you, you are absolutely right, lots of things can be done about snoring but we are both fine with it. My mother thinks it's a slippery slope to divorce but then I find yelling like a harridan because I've been woken up six times every night for five years equally damaging.

YANBU - there's nothing worse than being deprived of sleep. But it is a bit extreme to move out of your own bed - couldn't you try getting a new bed, having separate duvets, maybe seeing a doctor about the snoring?

a day bed?? great for long term sleeping?

how come you've just started doing this.....after how long together??

suzikettles - exactly I read late, he doesn't and we too have a teeny tiny bedroom with a double bed in which is regularly invaded by the cat.

How do men create so much heat at night though?

YANBU, if neither of you is suffering as a result.

I think it's sustinable for couples to have their own beds if that is what works best for both of them.

I think if it works for you both, what other people consider as convention has nothing to do with it.

Just because some people feel compelled to sleep in a double bed at all costs, regardless of how uncomfortable it can be with the snoring/duvet nicking/elbow in the face/only having a quarter of a bed to sleep on, doesn't mean you have to agree with them.

It'd be a shame if you carried on with sleepless nights and the feeling like crap all day contributed to your relationship breaking down.

I think that constant farting through-out the night is a bit strange. I mean the odd one yes, but if it really is constant then I'd want to get it checked out. As regards sleeping on your own, that's your own business and beds are for sleeping in after all.

Ds is the same (heatwise) and also ends up into our bed a couple of times a week, at which point I get ownership of the bottom square foot and they mark out the rest between them using elbows.

TBH, in this hot weather, I'm not sure my shoes would smell much better than DH.....

However, WMMC, if you are both fine with it and your DH isn't feeling rejected by it, then who are we to judge? Whatever floats your marital boat, IMO.

A day bed is the same size as a single iLoveTIFFANY - I'm not a big person. And we've been together for umm nearly six years now.

Oh and I snore too apparently! And disturb him. It all came to a head because I've been really ill recently and getting up to throw up in the night (nice!) and then lying there fuming because I'm too hot/disturbed etc for hours.

We tried separate duvets/different beds MrsLevinson, I'm a very light sleeper and it still didn't help as DH realises he's hot, throws his duvet over me, so I get a hot duvet shoved over my duvet, making me hot

Again - the farting probably isn't constant. It's more that it's noisy and wakes me up. There is nothing worse than waking up thinking 'OMG what was that noise' then your next thought being 'and what is that horrible smell bleeeurgh'

Poledra - bicarbonate of soda, in an old stocking in your shoes. That's what you need!

We took the less extreme step of buying a kingsize, I think it probably saved our marriage as there is now more than a clear foot of space between us at night without either of us clinging to the edge.

Do you not have a spare room rather than squeezing in amongst your shoes?

LadyintheRadiator - the first few nights of our honeymoon we had the most enormous bed I've ever seen. It was about 9 feet wide. I slept like a bloody log, didn't even know DH was there and I couldn't even touch him when I stretched out a hand. It was bliss

YANBU- I have been so much nicer since we set up 2 bedrooms for me and DP to share. Some nights we sleep together, sometimes one of us moves rooms at 3am, sometimes we sleep seperately. Just having the option of moving helps me sleep better and therefore less likely to rant and rave at anyone foolish enough to cross my path.

Now if I can just work out how DS knows instinctively which bed I'm in and always gets me instead of DP at stupid o'clock in the morning...

Yanbu - I think everyone has to do what works for them, and if that's what you're happy with then great. Are you seeing it as long term??

My dh is also a hot person (and dd) which I love, except in this hot humid weather we have! We have a kingsize bed and he prob had 2/3's of it most of the time until I give him a shove. He's also had snoring "issues", but these were do to with polyps and sinus probs, which after two quite major ops are a lot better at the moment. I have to say that despite his heat, bed hogging and snoring.......I'd hate to sleep apart from him, and on the odd nights we have, I've hardly got any sleep.