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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to prefer sleeping with my shoes to my DH?

47 replies

whomovedmychocolate · 27/07/2010 12:50

Well? Am I? I have moved into our dressing room and even bought a daybed so I will be really comfortable in there. My mother says I should not do this because 'it's a shame not to share a bed'. Bollocks it is. I've slept better for the last two nights than I have in months!

DH, bless him, seems to turn into a furnace at night and gets really hot and also snores and farts almost continually. It's not his fault though, you can't help snoring. The farting I suspect he is unaware of and I'm far too nice to tell him it's because he stinks!

I've discussed it with him and his argument is 'you are a much nicer person when you've had enough sleep so go for it!'

So AIBU to prefer to sleep with my shoes than my husband

OP posts:

Morloth · 27/07/2010 13:27

I love my DP to distraction, but I fucking hate hate hate sharing a bed. Always have, always will.

So YANBU IMO.

I want an American King for my next bed.

Soapsy · 27/07/2010 13:30

Plenty of people sleep in separate rooms/beds. Nothing particularly odd about that. My grandparents never shared a bedroom in 60 years of very happy marriage, was quite normal for their generation and background. GF had to be invited in by GM!

My DH regularly sleeps in another room. I don't see the issue. We all get a better night's sleep, and get on with each other much better as a result.

RealityKicksArse · 27/07/2010 13:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Beattiebow · 27/07/2010 13:34

I would love to have my own bedroom (and bed) and invite dh in for "visits". I would love to have my own dh and kids free space. also prefer to sleep separately from dh alot of the time - I am a very light sleeper and don't get back to sleep when he wakes me, and often wake in very early and like to read. Sadly we don't have the space, but I don't think you abu.

starsareshining · 27/07/2010 13:41

Not unreasonable at all. I don't see why it would ever be thought unreasonable. You're married, not joined at the hip.

I originally thought you meant you slept with a pair of shoes instead of your husband. It reminded me of a time I loved a pair of shoes so much that I slept with them on, then questioned whether I loved the shoes more than him. I realised that the answer was yes and laughed to myself for quite a while. He was an idiot though.

minibmw2010 · 27/07/2010 13:42

I really really miss having my own bed .. ours is a King but DH is a tall broad man so that still doesn't leave a lot of left over space. Generally I sleep quite well but I know my snoring tends to keep him awake. Last night we had a row as I'd gone to bed early as I was very tired and when he came up he didn't even try to be quiet so I said if you keep this up I'll move into the spare room, which I think gave him pause (at least I hope it did). As much as I adore him, the thought of my own room again ... sigh ...

diddl · 27/07/2010 13:46

We have a Kingsize(?) frame with 2 single mattresses.
We also have our own quilts.

That works for us-I´d rather do that than separate rooms.

But really, whatever works!

welshgirlintherain · 27/07/2010 13:56

YA SOOOOOOOOOOOOOONBU! The snoring DRIVES ME MAD - I get to the point where I want to actually put a pillow over the snoring head of DH at 3am when he has woken me up AGAIN and I know I won't get back to sleep so its just me & 10 week old DS3 wide awake in the middle of the night TRAPPED cos DS3's cot is trapping me in bed and I don't want to actually wake DH by clambering over him cos he is so naggy if I wake him up (I know...the bloody cheek!)! Not only are ynbu I am actually ! Our spare room is being decorated and as soon as thats done DH is in there no question! He is a lovely lovely man in the day but at night he becomes like the bloody gruffalo & grumpy as well...he is always mortified in the morning when I tell him how much he has woken me up & how naggy he was when I tried to strangle him move him ! My mum is coming to live with us 2 days a week in October to take care of DS3 when I go back to work...reckon I will spend more time sleeping with her than DH TBH! (can you tell he woke me up at 3am AGAIN this morning)-rant over...feel better now!

diddl · 27/07/2010 14:10

Mind you, with snoring & farting, I would think separate rooms is the only "cure"

Morloth · 27/07/2010 14:15

diddl separate mattresses + doonas is brilliant! Why have I not though of that?

I wear earplugs for the snoring and give as good as I get in the farting department.

emptyshell · 27/07/2010 14:23

I've ended up on the sofa on numerous occasions when the husband and the cat are both in bed hogging snoring mode (the cat's louder than the husband btw).

petisa · 27/07/2010 14:37

YANBU, but ime you need to make the effort to visit each other to snuggle together before one of you goes off to your bed or in the morning, and also make sure and give each other plenty of hugs and kisses during the day (if that's your thing of course). Plenty of flirting and so on too, to make sure your sex life doesn't suffer.

Dp and I have been sleeping in separate rooms for around a year now, and while I was upset at first, as I took it as rejection, I'm used to it now, and actually love having a big bed to myself.

We tried to sleep in the same bed for a couple of years, but dp is an insomniac, has lots of nightmares sometimes and finds it really difficult to sleep with someone else in the bed. He tosses and turns all night and if he's in the bed with me he lies stock still awake for fear of disturbing me. We bought a big king size bed and everything, but he still perched on the edge of that and we were both really ratty from lack of sleep, so we finally gave up and he went to the spare room.

It did take me a while to get used to it, and I did feel rejected and sad and lonely sometimes, even though I knew it wasn't about me at all, but then I realised we both felt much better and closer if we made sure and had a cuddle nearly every morning and night. I'm used to it now and LOVE my own space and sleep REALLY well. I get a nice bedroom of my own that doesn't smell of dp's socks as welll

I'd say go for it as long as your dh isn't hurt about it. It is not a slippery slope to divorce imo as long as you show each other the affection that you both need and have a fulfilling sex life.

Original poster

whomovedmychocolate · 27/07/2010 16:37

PMSL at Welshgirl being married to a gruffalo.

But I know exactly what you mean!

OP posts:

Morloth · 27/07/2010 20:59

God I would love one room in my house that doesn't smell of male.

proudnsad · 27/07/2010 21:04

I'm just jealous you have a dressing room. Tres posh.

Original poster

whomovedmychocolate · 27/07/2010 22:09

It is a dressing room the same size as our bedroom to be fair I have a lot of clothes though.

Our bed hasn't been made since I moved next door too - it turns out I am indeed the only person able to smooth out a duvet Whereas my new daybed has a plethora of silk cushions and very lovely linen artfully arranged.

OP posts:

LittleMissHissyFit · 27/07/2010 22:15

you have a dressing room?

YANBU, in the slightest..

Original poster

whomovedmychocolate · 27/07/2010 22:31

Crap cotswold layout - walkthrough rooms. Three interjoining rooms, DS has one, the next one is my dressing room, then our bedroom. DS has his own staircase (currently sealed off because he's only 2). Only DD has her own real separate room (see not all that smart).

OP posts:

takingtheplunge · 28/07/2010 14:02

DH sweats at night but doesn't wake up and take the covers off, just sweats and soaks the bed....urgh. We live in a hot country so it's a bit gross, but I'd really miss him if we were in separate beds. But if it suits you, OP..go for it.

JuicyLips · 28/07/2010 14:09

again, my Superking bed is great. I can roll over when i want a cuddle, but can roll back again into my own space to sleep. it great. you do what makes you both happy.

Original poster

whomovedmychocolate · 29/07/2010 14:44

I would love a room big enough to put a superking in

OP posts:

JuicyLips · 29/07/2010 16:28

ours only just fits, I have the chest of drawers directly next to me on my side of the bed so have to slide halfway down before I can get out. But its worth it for the room.

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