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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or is it a bit rude??

79 replies

OutOutLetItAllOut · 27/07/2010 09:08

my friends childcare bailed on her this week, so i offerd to have her 3 kids while she is at work.
they are good kids, no probs really other than the odd argument or moan...
anyway, she sent them with a bag each of toys, inc nintendo ds each, ( so 3), yesterday child 1 plugged it in to charge it, but didnt play it here, so really it didnt need to be charged, and today child 2 and 3 both walked in and plugged them in so they can play them later..
is that rude??
i think she shuld make sure they are charged at home so the kids have them to play, not to send them with the idea that they can do that here..

OP posts:
happystory · 27/07/2010 10:58

The scenario I imagine is your friend saying to her dcs 'Take your nintendo DSs so you don't have to bother OutOut all the time. Are they charged?' Dcs 'Nooooo' Friend 'What a surprise! Well take them anyway and the chargers then you'll be able to use them.'

Are you sure you are not resenting them for other annoying habits.....?

Giddyup · 27/07/2010 10:59

hahahahaha

thumbwitch · 27/07/2010 11:02

It's rude. They should have asked - I would never plug in my phone to recharge without asking. Even if the cost is minimal, they have just unplugged whatever they like without asking and without checking if it's something important.

But I would tell them direct, not their mum.

rotool · 27/07/2010 11:03

YANBU...if she is a true freind you will be able to mention it to her and she will be understanding as you were to her when you offered to have her kids so she was able to work.
Electricity costs a fortune, my DH would go mad if this was happening in my house.

TheFallenMadonna · 27/07/2010 11:05

Of course it's rude to unplug things in someone else's house and plug in your own stuff! I would tell them they have to ask first for sure. And if you are going out, tell them they don't need to today. I wouldn't bother telling their mum. They're old enough to be told directly I think.

On the other hand... grudgingly being 'allowed' to plug in your ipod in your father's house because your stepmother doesn't approve of them is a bit .

Porcelain · 27/07/2010 12:32

It is a rude to assume you can plug in at someone else's house for a few reasons (for instance at my house we used to have old wire fuses, but had circuit breakers installed which are a bit sensitive, overloading certain circuits trips out the sockets, if someone did this without me realising, things like my fridge and freezer could end up switched off, I know which circuits can take what appliances). The kids clearly don't understand this, and in the absence of their parents I don't think it would be unreasonable to explain that permission should be sought.

Unplugging your appliances is even ruder, especially if they don't know what it is they are unplugging (fridge, portable phone, baby monitor, your phone charging when you might need it for emergencies later), but again they are old enough to be told that they should ask.

I don't think denying them the electricity is particularly reasonable (although it would be polite of the mother to have thought to remind them to charge at home, it is perfectly understandable she might have forgotten). And I don't think you need to speak to the mother, just tell the kids that normal etiquette is to ask permission before you mess with someone else's electrics.

MathsMadMummy · 27/07/2010 12:52

Oh FFS. I don't begrudge him. maybe I didn't word it well enough for you lot. I let him, don't I, I wouldn't ever disallow it, and I don't make him feel bad about it. why would I? I'm not some evil stepmum

I was only mentioning this at all to show that I understood why the OP was upset (because everyone else had laughed at her!). the reason I said it was to show that I agreed it was a bit thoughtless to do it without asking, because my stepson is polite and lovely enough to ask and maybe next time the kids in question should do the same!

it depends what you mean 'his house' - he doesn't live here so it's not technically his house. he's welcome here whenever he wants (he's 18) and to make himself at home, but it's not quite the same as being at his own house - he can eat what he wants, have a shower or whatever no problem but he'd ask first. and that's not us imposing some strict rule, he's just polite!

Firawla · 27/07/2010 12:57

this is extremely petty yabu!

miso · 27/07/2010 13:13

I was going to say yabu, but then remembered that I used to be a bit obsessed with electricity usage when I had pre-pay.

Not sure if pre-pay actually costs more, but it really feels like it does. Maybe its the prospect of the fridge turning off if you've forgotten to top up...

Think my DD would probably be this thoughtless - it probably doesn't even occur to her that elctricity costs money - but I'd like her to ask first, and if a friend was on pre-pay I'd try not to put her in this position.

Of course if they are polite enough to ask, you can't really say no as it really is only pennies.

Kaloki · 27/07/2010 13:15

I don't think YABU, having been on a prepay meter I remember how quickly they use up your money.

MathsMadMummy · 27/07/2010 13:18

yes, I'm sure there was some big thing recently about how electric companies were forcing slow payers to get meters and how they charged more per unit. we were incredibly relieved that our company didn't do this to us because even without a meter there have been some months where it was either pay the electric or buy food

PadmeHum · 27/07/2010 13:29

I am skint - but a pound (at ABSOLUTE most)- Seriously? If I was so broke I could not afford a pound, I'd not be offering to look after three kids - just to expensive (food, leccie, petrol blah blah)

OTOH - unplugging your appliances is not on.

PadmeHum · 27/07/2010 13:30

just too expensive . . .

thumbwitch · 27/07/2010 13:45

I thought prepaid and metered electric was mostly more expensive, because it always made zero sense to me - the people who are usually on prepaid or metered are the ones who have most trouble paying the bill, so why on earth charge them more for it??

porcamiseria · 27/07/2010 13:51

this is a new level of tightness!

you are generous to look after her kids, but begrudge a bit of leccy!!!!

MathsMadMummy · 27/07/2010 13:54

you're paying for the privilege of not being cut off basically

MathsMadMummy · 27/07/2010 13:56

It'd be really U and petty if OP was well off/rich but I'm guessing (sorry if that's rude/incorrect) that she's not, because of having a meter

suitejudyblue · 27/07/2010 14:06

Isn't it just common courtesy to ask before you unplug something of someone else's ? I don't think the OP is BU to expect them to ask but I owuldn't mention it to the mum, just remind the children to check in future.
I think the cost, even with a prepay meter, won't be too high.

MathsMadMummy · 27/07/2010 14:10

common courtesy is a good way of describing it, that's what I meant when I was referring to my stepson.

I had originally thought the children in the OP were rude, but actually it probably is just that they didn't think of it, so more forgetful than rude.

ChippingIn · 27/07/2010 17:36

MMM - honestly, your step son has to ask to have a shower, eat food and plug in his phone at his Dad's house? FFS kids should not have to be 'polite' to that degree in their Dad's house. It's pretty crap that you treat him like a visitor? You clearly have a very different idea of 'make himself at home' than I do.

suitejudyblue · 27/07/2010 17:53

Chippingin - I'd certainly expect an 18yo stepchild to say at the very least "OK if I have a shower now?" I'm sure MMM isn't going to say he can't have one but I would think it a bit strange if an adult child who doesn't live with me came round and started showering without a word.
I expect my own DCs to ask before they eat food, am I in a minority on random cupboard emptying ?

Porcelain · 27/07/2010 17:55

At 18 he's not exactly a "kid" ChippingIn, he's legally an adult. When I go to my parents' house I would ask if I could have a shower/get something to eat. They wouldn't deny or begrudge it, but I would still ask, because I am a grown up and I don't live there anymore - this has been the case since I moved out at 19.

I do see how there might be an issue with it being a step-parent who objects if the bio-parent doesn't though. In that situation I would let his dad make the rules unless he was really taking the piss.

shimmerysilverglitter · 27/07/2010 18:26

It would not occur to me to mind this.

PatriciaHolm · 27/07/2010 18:53

Given it costs £1.32 to use a kettle for a month (see hereI would imagine the cost to charge a couple of DS's for a couple of hours is in the fractions of a pence. It's common courtesy to ask if you can plug something in - you might need the socket for something - but in terms of costs it's practically unmeasureable.

mumbar · 27/07/2010 19:32

ok then I asked my friend about this one and she said the same as me that she wouldn't mind letting a child charge something but to march right in and just do it is a bit

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