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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

in having a little weep to myself?

40 replies

TastesLikePanda · 26/07/2010 22:56

I suspect that I am BVU but I'm gutted at this news and really need a good slap in the face wake-up call.

Basically, I really, really really want a baby. I didn't until a couple of years ago, but suddenly felt as if I must have it now or be too old (I'm very nearly 33 )

We own a small house (2up, 2down), we both work full time (but I would want to cut right down to 2 days per week max) and it just seemed as if the timing was perfect - until my DH came home recently and told me that the company he works for is selling the business and he may not have a job by the end of the month.
Now all I can think about is a baby. It completely does not help that I work with babies, every day atm someone comes in to the building with a new baby, or talks about having a baby, or actually asks me if I want one. I haven't told anyone how I feel as I don't want to jinx things (or be constantly asked how 'things are going' and I could honestly cry every time.

I know I sound a bit mad now, but I have had a glass of wine and needed a bit of an anonymous moan.
Sorry all, please go about your business...

OP posts:

Vallhala · 26/07/2010 23:01

Moan away, tis not a problem.

It isn't all roses, be warned - my 2 are teenagers now and a nightmare!

And 32 isn't too old, or even old. I had my 1st st 30, my 2nd at 32. My Smother had her 3rd child at 40, after a 17 year gap.

There's time yet, chin up and good luck for the future.

thisisyesterday · 26/07/2010 23:02

it's hard when you want one and you can't isn't it?
i never realised how visceral this feeling was until i wanted my own, so i totally undersatnd where you're coming from

when will your dh know if his job is safe? if he did lose it would he be able to get another fairly easily do you think>

i really hope it all works out for you an you can start trying for a family soon

oh, and you are SO not too old! lol

childrenknowyourlimits · 26/07/2010 23:05

You poor thing. . I have had similar conversations with friends of mine who are same age. It does seem to be all-consuming and suddenly there are babies everywhere you look. Only seems to rub your nose in it.

Don't know what else to say apart from there is never a good time to start trying for a baby as they will always interupt something or a plan that you might have. Also you are by no means too old! & also, make the most of doing spontaneous things as this will all change if you decide to go down the baby route. (& take a look at the behaviour/development threads - this might put you off entirely! ). Love my DSs to bits but they do drive me insane!

Northernlurker · 26/07/2010 23:08

This happened to us with dc3. we had a plan to try in the summer of 06. In the Febuary dh lost his job without any redundancy or indeed wages - company went totally bust. It was a hard, hard time made all the worse by the fact that my baby dream went pop together with that company. However.....he got another job two months later and we started ttc in July, fell pregnant straight away and had our April 07 baby after all. It will happen for you - it's just rubbish atm but it will happen.

Original poster

TastesLikePanda · 26/07/2010 23:11

Thank you so much MNers - I suspect I would not be this whiney without wine! I don't want to bitch cry at DH as obviously he has plenty of worries of his own, and I know there is no 'perfect' time to try and have a baby but it does seem as if there is a cute toddler at every turn.
Feeling a bit better at not being too old! I think what set me off was finding a book in the library called 'Having a baby after you're 35' and reading it - every horror story you can imagine in 200 pages

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Henny1995 · 26/07/2010 23:22

I had BOTH of mine after 35. One at 35 and the other at a couple of days past 39 (not thru choice - it was easy to conceive number 1 but not number 2 and I'm finding number 3 extremely elusive at 41). You're still young still. Stuff the horror stories. Most of my friends did the post 35 having a baby gig, very successfully.
I do hope your DH's job is secure after all. Perhaps this will be the thing that galvanises you into making a decision to try for a baby if his job turns out to be safe. If not, then there are ways around it. Maybe you would have to work full time for a bit whilst he's a stay-home dad.
Best of luck. Let us know how you get on.

childrenknowyourlimits · 26/07/2010 23:23

Don't worry. Not at all whiney. Its a great place to get things off your chest. Never read books called "Having a baby after you're 35" when you are but a young whipper snapper! That will definitely put you off! I must go to bed now. My lovely cherubs (!) get up v early. Another positive for you at the moment is to enjoy waking up when you choose. Ah if only I could lie in until 7....

Original poster

TastesLikePanda · 26/07/2010 23:27

Thank you Henny - I know the book was a bad choice but I couldn't stop myself looking at it and doing a mental countdown (as if a timer was going off in my body - right now she's 35 everything stop working!)
DH as a SAHD - now there's a horror story! Actually I just don't want him to have all the fun (plus don't want my our baby being an Xbox expert at the age of 6 months...)

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Valpollicella · 26/07/2010 23:28

Whine away...what else is MN for?

I didn't know how we would cope when we found out I was PG living in a poky 1st floor flat on a horrible main road

But. I realsied I would have to make it work when a friend of mine who I confided in said there is never a 'perfect' moment to have a baby, unless you're a millionaire. People get by. You'd get by.

I'm really sorry to hear about your OH job, that must suck balls big time - we've been through that twice in the last 2 years and its just fucking shit.

But (again ) I'm still here, and so is DS, and DP. We got through it

AND you are most definately not old! 33 is not 63!

It must be so hard working where you do and having it 'pushed' at you all the time

Original poster

TastesLikePanda · 26/07/2010 23:31

Thank you CKYL and Val - I knew I would get good advice and a stiff talking to here!

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MangoTango · 26/07/2010 23:33

Sorry to read that your dh may lose his job, but please don't let that stop you having a baby if you want to. The job loss is only temporary, but not having a baby can't be changed if you put it off too long. I live in a two up two down. (I have 2 dds) We manage fine. They have bunk beds. Go for it!

Valpollicella · 26/07/2010 23:36

Sorry, didn't want it to be too stiff a talking too when you're feeling so crap!

MangoTango · 26/07/2010 23:36

PS. I had my first at 33 and second at 36 with no probs

Original poster

TastesLikePanda · 26/07/2010 23:40

No No it's what I needed! Didn't mean it to sound like it was bad - honest! I'm very grateful for everyone's honesty and understanding.
I think, tomorrow, I will confide in a real life friend so I have someone to talk over things with. I think tonight - I should go to bed and get some sleep.

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booyhoo · 26/07/2010 23:44

I'll join you, i'm weeping tonight aswell.

sorry you are having a hard time. i have felt like you are feeling now. it is not a nice feeling.

seeker · 26/07/2010 23:46

Would it help if I told you that my "Oh my God I want a baby desperately" moment came after I got pregnant accidentally at 36 then miscarried? Before then I had been a proud and active aunt and godmother but had no desire to have my own. I had dd at 38 and ds at 44. So you may well have plenty of time.

But there is never the perfect time for a baby in hard, intellectual, financial, practical terms. There is the perfect time for a baby when your arms are empty and you are ready to turn your life upside down......

Valpollicella · 26/07/2010 23:48

Weep away Its good for the soul to let it out

Sorry you're both feeling so shite x

What's wrong Booyhoo?

booyhoo · 26/07/2010 23:52

OH ended our relationship tonight (don't mean to hijack the thread tasteslikepanda, sorry)

Valpollicella · 26/07/2010 23:57

Ah fuck, Booyhoo, I'm sorry to hear that Maybe start another thread too?

SE13Mummy · 26/07/2010 23:57

You're being perfectly reasonable - the news that your DH may not have a job soon is the possible shattering of a dream or the limiting of a possibility. I'd be crying if I was in your situation (and I'm already 33!).

I had DD1 at 27 and was the youngest of all the local mums by at least 5 years. DD2 came along (unexpectedly after a series of miscarriages, ruptured ectopics and being told I wouldn't be able to have another) when I was 32 and I'm the same age as lots of the first-time mums around here.

Babies and pregnant women have a habit of being everywhere when you're thinking about/trying to/wishing you could conceive. Interestingly they are also there when you're not but it doesn't matter then!

Good luck.

booyhoo · 27/07/2010 00:00

thanks val, I've got one about it in relationships.

Fartytowels · 27/07/2010 00:05

Tastelikepanda:

I was told I couldn't have children. Within a month of moving in with my partner I got pregnant. (blame cheap Thai whiskey and wild holiday). I was 35 and had two previous miscarriages.

He was separated, and up to his eyes in debt from ex-p. I left my property to rent a new one with him, so had mortgage and rent and council tax on both. Also had my own debts.

After falling asleep twice whilst driving my 4 hour round trip to work I had to resign during my trial period. I had to find temp work.

6 years on, we're still here, a little less in debt, but wouldn't change our lives for the world.

You manage..it's hard, but you do get by.

BibiThree · 27/07/2010 00:09

Can I join you? DH had the snip after the dts and I had a little weep last night after hearing my cousinand his wife are having their fourth baby. I always wanted 4 and while I'm v v happy with my three beautiful dds, I will forever feel like there's another baby in me.

BibiThree · 27/07/2010 00:10

And no yanbu. weep away.

Original poster

TastesLikePanda · 27/07/2010 00:24

Booyhoo - join in, please - we can weep on each other for moral support. Thank you bibi, seeker, SE13 but especially Fartytowels for making me laugh with your name!
Sorry to hear of everyones difficulties but thank you for the positive points in all your lives
And now I really really am going to bed, and going to sleep.
As my heroine said - Tomorrow is another day.

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