Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

in having a little weep to myself?

40 replies

TastesLikePanda · 26/07/2010 22:56

I suspect that I am BVU but I'm gutted at this news and really need a good slap in the face wake-up call.

Basically, I really, really really want a baby. I didn't until a couple of years ago, but suddenly felt as if I must have it now or be too old (I'm very nearly 33 )

We own a small house (2up, 2down), we both work full time (but I would want to cut right down to 2 days per week max) and it just seemed as if the timing was perfect - until my DH came home recently and told me that the company he works for is selling the business and he may not have a job by the end of the month.
Now all I can think about is a baby. It completely does not help that I work with babies, every day atm someone comes in to the building with a new baby, or talks about having a baby, or actually asks me if I want one. I haven't told anyone how I feel as I don't want to jinx things (or be constantly asked how 'things are going' and I could honestly cry every time.

I know I sound a bit mad now, but I have had a glass of wine and needed a bit of an anonymous moan.
Sorry all, please go about your business...

OP posts:

childrenknowyourlimits · 27/07/2010 06:57

Good morning all . Hope you all had a good sleep in the end. Not enough for me! Went to bed far too late. I have never really joined in these discussions before. Was strangely addictive!

TLP hope you are feeling better today and that we managed to make you feel a little less sad last night.

Firawla · 27/07/2010 07:45

panda, may be irresponsible but if you really want a baby maybe just have one anyway regardless of dh job.. somehow it will work out? i think someone else said the same too, but personally i would probably just do that.

fedupofnamechanging · 27/07/2010 08:04

I think that if everyone waited until the perfect time to have a baby, none of us would be parents. I had my first DS 13 years ago, so was trying to finish my PGCE whilst coping with morning sickness. Had no home of my own or job to go to when I first found out I was pg, but everything did fall into place. I got a job and rented a house and I have to say that having my son at that time was one of the best things that ever happened to me. When I had my 4th DC, everything was perfect, in that my DH had a good job, we had a nice house etc, but after she was born the company went into administration and my DH had to find another job quickly. I'm waffling, but my point is that you can't plan for everything. Life can throw you a problem at any time, so if you really are desperate for a baby, consider going ahead. Maybe you could consider working until your DH finds another job and then cut down your hours. Not perfect for you, but a possible way forward. Good luck with whatever you decide

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 27/07/2010 08:13

This is such a sore topic for me right now, I wopn't hijack your thread, TLP, but you have my sympathies. My short version: I married my husband in 2002 and wanted to have a baby from early 2003. He wanted various things to be in place first, and I agreed, and those things weren't in place until 2008.

Now our daughter is coming up to two, and I've wanted to try for a second for, oh, a year. When I got pushy about this a few months ago he said he wanted a second as well, but he wanted to hit a certain milestone in his PhD first - because he wants to be finished before a baby arrives, so the milestone was supposed to indicate the fact that he was about nine months away.

Anyway, was supposed to hit that milestone in the next couple of months. Factors outside our control mean it'll probably be another six months. I am so so so sad, and it's bringing up all this buried resentment about "having" to wait for the first one. She is so incredible that it makes it harder; I keep thinking of all those years that I didn't have her, and wanting to cry.

So from my perspective, if your husband is willing to take a leap of faith, I say go ahead and TTC. You can work the rest out later.

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 27/07/2010 08:14

Ha. You should read the long version, I'm not kidding. Sorry.

LynetteScavo · 27/07/2010 08:23

If you wait for the perfect time to have a baby, you may never have one!

And even if the perfect time comes, who's to say everything will be rosey for eternity after that? People get ill, are made redundant etc, life happens.

TastesLikePanda - even if you conceived today, you wouldn't actually have a baby for about 9 months. And there are other jobs out there!

Oblomov · 27/07/2010 08:33

There is never a good time. But we all adapt and just get on with it when the baby arrives.
My advice is thus, always TTC ASAP. Don't wait.

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 27/07/2010 08:34

Can you lot come round to mine and tell my husband this, please?

BonzoDoodah · 27/07/2010 08:41

Oh you must be feeling sad but really it is just this time and things will get better. Honestly you should have ages to go before it is too late. I had my DD at 39 and DS at 41 ... both happy and healthy. And DH was made reduntant during my maternity leave for DD - gutting and scary - but we muddled through. Then his contract wasn't renewed during maternity leave for DS. Again really scary. But we got through it and he has a new job.
What I'm trying to say is - even with the best planning things can go 'wrong' but they do right themselves. And there is never a perfect time to have a baby except when you really want one. Hopefully your DH will get another job and you can start planning again.

(Just read karmabeliever - think we have the same message) Good luck!

Kathyjelly · 27/07/2010 08:46

I do wish the doctors would stop going on about how fertility falls away dramatically after 35.

My BF works for Marie Stopes and she says they are dealing with a positive flood of pregnant ladies in their forties (and some fifties!) who listened to the "hughly unlikely to get pregnant at 40" brigade and relaxed their precautions.

TLP, honestly I'm sure you'll be fine. I know why you are a bit upset and YANBU at all but the job thing will get sorted and you'll be TTC before you know it. Or you could ask DH to be a stay at home dad while you work, until he finds another job.

Mercedes519 · 27/07/2010 08:55

YANBU but can only agree with the other posters on here about there never being a good time. DH was made redundant before xmas while we were TTC and we were going to put it on hold but then in February I discovered I was pg. Shock and a bit scary but we're coping.

And remember, it takes however many months to TTC, 9 months to make a baby and I would assume you get some sort of maternity package? So at minimum you have more than a year - if not 18 months of you working before you'll actually have a bub.

Oblomov · 27/07/2010 09:07

I don't think I've ever fallen pg at a convenient time. Whilst sitting accountancy papers ? When dh had quit his pig awful job and was without work for 4 months. Also, that time I had a mc. You never know that you will be able to carry to full term till you get there.
Tis rare to meet someone for whom it was idyllic and they fell pg on the date they planned.
someone always it takes months longer than expected, or their parent becomes seriously ill at that time.

or there's always something isn't there.
just go for it. tortoise show dh this thread.
sorry to hear of boo relationship.

BreastmilkDoesAFabLatte · 27/07/2010 09:43

Like others here, I got pg at the most inconvenient possible time. I agree, start TTC-ing anyway.

Tortoise I'm sorry you're in this position...

Oblomov · 27/07/2010 09:55

agree with mercedes. in this economic climate who can predict if any of will be employed in 18 mths time.
so just go for it anyway. if you are not careful there will always be a reason not to. and wouldn't that be sad.

Birdistheword · 27/07/2010 10:20

Oh i know just how you feel, weep away!

Age-wise there is no massive rush for me to have DC2 (am 25) but the need to have another child is so overwhelming, 6 months ago i was very annoying vocal about never wanting to be pregnant ever again

DP says we should wait until our credit card debt is gone (not loads, about 2 grand) and i know he's right but...

Flip

1 2