to come clean after two yrs even if it drops a friend in it?

[Ladyanonymous]

Complicated situation bear with me will try to be as brief as I can.

Live in area with v competitve middle school situation with a "good" school and a "bad" school (90% ex travelling community).

DS1 luckily got into the "good" school even though we weren't "in catchment". BFs DS also not in catchment got in as she used someone elses "in catchment" address. I wholly dissaproved and told her so.

The next yr DD did not get into the "good" school on the sibling agreement due to it being over subscribed and I lost at appeal. Had to send her to a school in a different area leaving me, a working single mum, with 3 under 10s at 3 different schools.

I know a lot of kids who did get in used others addresses so I wrote to the local paper (anonymously for many reasons) venting my frustration at the whole situation. Letter was published and I showed BF letter who was annoyed with me for writing it highlighting the issue - local MP also got in touch with me through paper re my letter.

BFs DS2 went up following year - I told her I didn't want know where he was going or how she was going about it.

I heard he got into "good" school. Two months later out of the blue I had msge via Facebook from BF saying she had "read my letter to admissions and what an evil, sad, twisted lonely bitter bitch I was to have 'grassed her up'" . Apparently someone had written an anonymous letter imforming admissions that she had been dishonest - and she was called in and interviewed and her DS2's place had been withdrawn. That was two years ago and we haven't spoken since. Mums at school were quite unpleasent to me after being informed what I had supposedly done.

Her DS then bullied my DS1 saying all manner of things to him about me to the point where I had to ask him be moved class.

Thing is I found out pretty soon after this happened two years ago that it was another friend who has moved out of the area who wrote the letter - but I never told now ex BF.

Boys are now going up to the next school and have been put in the same class. I have also found while clearing out a whole load of expensive studio prints of her boys which I had here for some reason.

AIBU to send the pictures back with a blunt note explaining the truth to spare my DS further hassle at the new school in Sep - in the hope she will at least know it was nothing to do with me and leave me and my family alone but then dropping my other friend in it (who knows ex BF has accused me).

I doubt she will believe it wasn't you unless you give the name of the person it was. She sounds awful tbh.

I was planning on giving her the name.

Do it!

I think you were very loyal not telling the truth in the beginning, however I would definetly now tell her the truth, maybe even tell friend who did write letter that you have taken all this flack and now its time to put the record straight.

I might even go round and do it face to face.

It is quite likely that she won';t believe that it wasn't you. It would be embarassing for her to admit (even to herself) that she have been a cow to the wrong person for all this time. Far easier for her to choose to believe that this is yet another example of your evil ways.

I don't think she will believe you. Fuck her anyway, who cares what she thinks of you. It probably wouldn't change how her DS behaves towards yours, as the animosity will probably have established itself away from the issues between the 2 of you.

i can't believe you haen't already told her tbh!

Are you friends with the person who did write the letter?

So you went through all that abuse/bullying/harassment and you didn't tell her that it wasn't you. In fact you've known who the real culprit is for nearly two years and not said anything?

On another note, if she was dishonest, she was dishonest and deserved to have son's place revoked.

Yes we are friends (the person who wrote the letter) but she doesn't live here anymore.

I didn't say because I felt a real friend wouldn't accuse someone in that way and I was well rid.

I also felt she deserved to have the place revoked.

God, I hate people lying about where they live to get into the school they want. I'm with you there.

I'd tell her and drop the other person in it - after all, the other person was happy to let you take the blame for 2 years. Besides, it'd be awful if your children got more hassle because of something you'd supposedly done.

Do it. If other 'friend' is happy for you to take the blame and shit that has hit because of it, without saying anything, she is not much of a friend. But, don't expect, or want an apology, you don't need it, as clearly your ex-bf is not a great friend either if she blames you and has encouraged or at least allowed her DS to think there is hostility.

send the photo's but don't even aknowledge the situation.

she broke the rules and got caught out. it serves her right. she has no one to blame but herself.

She is clearly so stuck up that i doubt she'd believe you anyway

I don't want an apology and shouldn't think I would get one - I just want my son to have a fresh start.

You have to do it for the sake of your son.

No you definitely don't need an apology, or else you might be tempted to tell her where to stick it!

i would tell her.

Tell her. You've got nothing to lose as your friendship has ended anyway. I wouldn't get involved in any lengthly discussions about who said/did what, but I'd definitely set her straight.

I just don't want to make things worse I guess or stir it all up again as it was really upsetting at the time.

A part of me feels very resistant to explaining myself to someone who can't take responsibility for their own actions.

I wouldn't bother. Let's face it, how is it going to help your son? Do you really think this awful woman is going to say to her son "you know how I said it was OK to make x's life a misery as his mum has made our life difficult, well whoops! It was all my fault and you've been harassing the wrong kid, so you can stop it now"?

The person that dropped her in it, is she in touch with either of you?

If not, dob her in!!

If she is then she must know that you have been blamed and the hassle it's caused.

Dob her in!!

Either way you suffered enough,.

I think that whatever you do, her son is not going to change his behaviour towards your unfortunately.

After 2 years of being a total bitch to you, and bringing the children into it, I'm afraid the photos would go in the bin if I found them.

There is no point in moving the target to your other friend, as you would not gain anything. You know you are right, so leave it at that.

I don't think she is going to say to her kid 'Listen DS, I know we didn't used to like ladyanonymous and her son but actually that was a mistake on mummy's part, as she was being underhand and quite corrupt. So you should be nice to him now, OK?' So I don't think it will make much difference to your DS unfortunately.

She won't believe you anyway, if she wants her prints she no doubt knows where she can collect them from, unless they are in your way.

Tell her.