to feel a bit pissed off with my boss and work colleagues

[Doodleydoo]

OK, so today is my last day in the office before my maternity leave and half an hour ago my boss walked out and said "am off out, won't be back before you go so see you around".

Urhm, OK then.

Yes I am part time, but have been with the company for well over 5 years, yes it is my second baby but you know perhaps a card would have been nice! Instead I am just going to close down my computer and go home at lunch time.

This happened with my last pg, another girl was pg at the same time - my boss (different) forgot I was leaving so didn't organise anything, I did get a card but there we go - no flowers post baby nothing, the other girl got a new mattress for the cot, leaving drinks and a changing bag with some vouchers. She has just gone on mat leave and we all had to sign a card and give money for a present for her.

Obviously I am not that popular, or my dept are a bit mean - would like to point out that other girl is also part time!

Feel a bit miffed really but am sure it is just pg hormones but would have been nice to have been a bit more acknowledged or perhaps I just have a self inflated opinion!

This may sound really harsh, but have you looked at your own behaviour at work to try to understand why you are not "popular"?

It seems very odd that there have been so many other collections (including for people in your situation) and in your case you have been left out.

Perhaps you are being bullied/ostracised- I don't know the situation.

I do know, however, that often if there is a pattern/broken pattern in our lives, then we are responsible. (For example, if you were fighting with four people at once, then the common denominator would be you, and you should look at your behaviour.)

So if everyone else is getting presents for special occasions and you are not, there is a reason for that- and it comes from you.

Again, don't mean to be harsh, but there is obviously a reason. Are you too self-effacing at work? Are you grouchy? Do you give the impression you don't want any fuss? Maybe you could have a think, and change things when you go back.

Hope everything goes really well with your new baby.

Doodleydo, I think it's because you are part-time and you don't have a "close" work friend. That said they bleeding well should have had the gumption to at least nip out and get a card. That's just mean-spirited and thoughtless. I can totally understand how you feel - some workplaces are very "cliquey". That is their problem, not yours. Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and your new baby when he/she arrives. Then when you go back, be very selective about what you contribute to as someone else suggested. I'd be livid at what your boss said too - and the bit about the e-mail. You could send it but make it subtly obvious that you were "asked" to - conscience clear.

I had this too and posted a thread about it a while back. I didn't get so much as a card when my DS was born, and he was my first! Plus I work there fulltime, AND someone in the admin office the year before got a collection and card for her first baby. I actually think this is because the admin staff organise collections and make more fuss for one another, but other non-admin staff have had stuff for weddings etc. I was annoyed and hurt.

My approach has been to stop putting into other people's collections, I'm afraid. I think on my thread someone suggested saying, when you're asked, 'Oh, I didn't think we were doing collections anymore. I didn't get one for my DC2'. Hard to argue with that.

If / When you go back I'd make a point of not putting in for collections anymore.

Thanks Hesteria, thought this might get turned around on me and my behaviour at work. Actually I am quite popular with my colleagues, I do a fair amount with and for them etc and the only thing I have turned down is a colleagues hen night and wedding (her second) because they are so close to my due date I said to her that I didn't want her to pay for food for me and dh when we might not be able to go!

But obviously I am quite wrong about it, I think what might have been nice is that a few people could have actually said goodbye to me, not knowing if I am going to return or not but a couple of people saying "yeah, see you later" was a little disappointing to say the least.

In addition to that the other girl who had a huge fuss made of her also only works part time and is office based like myself.

However I will take on board what has been said and obviously address my behaviour at work, or alternatively if that is how they feel about me not bother at all.

I can see how some posters might say or feel that I am being grabby, but the whole point is that out of my specific department only 1 person said a proper goodbye whilst everyone else just let it ride. It just shows that even though I have done an exemplerary job for them and have gone out of my way there isn't even the courtesy of a generic card with a "thank you from the team". I have gone in on my days off to help them out, I have organised and collected on behalf of those leaving, for some of those birthdays and for retirement gifts and have donated generously to them as well - obviously without there being much point. I also know that the company adds and tops up to these gifts out of a fund but that this has to be arranged by your line manager and director. Either my line manager didn't think about it or forgot to tell anyone I was leaving . I find it extraordinary as he has always been jovial and friendly and I have been involved with doing things for and with his family in the past. Certainly not a relationship that is just work, I have known him for several years out of work too. That is why I am so hurt. And now I feel even worse because it is obviously all my fault and my attitude to work, and how I behave there.

Oh Doodley - I can imagine how upset you must feel. When I started reading your thread I was hoping that your colleagues were tricking you and that they had organised a suprise leaving party for you. I should think it is mainly down to your boss simply forgetting to do anything. When I went on mat leave I had a lovely female manager who organised loads of stuff for me. It was also only a few months after my 40th for which she also organised a collection. One guy refused to put in for my 40th as he was leaving soon and another chap objected to putting in for mat leave collection as he had only recently done my birthday collection and he did not know that I was pregnant - he thought I was putting weight on! My DH frequently fails to do anything for important occasions so it is probably a man thing. Maybe you will get something lovely when the baby arrives. Good Luck.

Hesteria - not a terribly supportive post!

I agree Hesteria, not a fair post. In my experience, whether a person is popular or not has little bearing on whether a collection is done for them. It is down to their immediate colleagues and how nice and pro active they are.

You sound like a lovely employee/colleague and I think this may just be down to the fact that your dept boss is a thoughtless twat. Please don't let it spoil this time for you. When you go back to work, I think the only change you should make is to be less accommodating to your boss. Sounds to me like they are taking you for granted. It is definitely taking the piss to expect you to do favours for him and if I were you I would stop now. It's upsetting when you think of colleagues as friends or at least as people who appreciate your efforts and then this turns out not to be true. All you can do is concentrate on what is really important in your life and hold yourself back a little from people at work. Sorry you've had such a crap last day

Oooh don't blame you for feeling a bit gutted. Its kind of the done thing in my office to go out for lunch and have a few pressies! (even though no one gets on!!) ha!

It's sad when your last day at work ends on a low note but try and put these people from you mind and concentrate on enjoying your family. As long as you are all well and healthy, that's all that really matters. When you go back to work - if you do - only do what you absolutely have to do.

Thank you for the nice messages, it obviously all feels far worse I think because of the pg hormones and being so close to my due date leaving - could really have done with another couple of weeks as need to catch up on some sleep!

YANBU.

You shouldn't give to receive but this sounds very harsh. I would be inclined to forget my purse next time there is a collection.

Good luck with the baby.

Sorry- again- for being harsh. It must feel dreadful and I do sympathise. My reaction to situations like this is often to try to find a reason and/or solution, which in print can come across as a lack of support.

Again, best of luck with everything.

Same thing happened to me. When I came back from maternity leave - and complained next time I was contributing to someone else's card/present my boss was amazed that they hadn't bought me even as much as a card.

it was just rubbish organisation rather than anything intentional - if no-one takes responsibility for organising something then nothing happens. This is probably what happened to you, so please try not to take it too much to heart

I actually agree with the idea that there must be a reason why you are being treated differently. Why other people get collections and presents but you don't. Do you have any idea why this may be? Is anyone else at all treated the same way?

I don't agree that this 'reason' is necessarily anything to do with you or the way you behave. But you are being treated differently, aren't you? Other people in the company are getting collections and gifts and you do not. It seems that the company has a policy (not offical policy ) of collections. So why not for you?

That would actually be really pissing me off. It's so unfair.

YANBU - they are twats!
Either that or I must work in a really nice place cos there are always collections for big events.
I've been there 6.5 years, and in that time had a wedding (now ex), two children and my 30th birthday.
Had big office card and collection for all of these, plus flowers after ds was born in April. (I didn't get these when dd was born in 2006, it was something they only started more recently).
And to be fair to my MD - he was out at a meeting on my last day but rang to ask another manager to give me the present in case I left early, but tell me that he would do his best to get back before I went......he did.

i have always found in work, that unless there is a rigid set of rules, that there is no equality at all. it will depend entirely on the people who work around you as to how you are treated. one boss will hate making a fuss/not bother, others will feel that they have to do everything to keep people happy/loved etc.

it prob says a lot about your co-workers and how they view these occasions.

the worst i ever saw, was a boss, in a staff meeting, in front of 150 people, saying he'd left someone out cos she hadn't filled in the paperwork or told him. she was sitting there right in front of him, 8 months pregnant, next to the other worker leaving for the same reason at the same time. OF COURSE she'd done the paperwork, you arse, you just didn't read it. her dept head had the pressie & card ready to hand over as well.

as someone who works with a similar bunch of miserable bastards you have my sympathies op.

try not to take it personally. its more a reflection on those who you work with.

good luck, try not to take it to heart. (and forget to send that email for sure.)

I think had I not been pregnant I wouldn't have been so pissed off, when I got married they gave us a present and a couple of people gave us individual presents. All these people are still in the office so not sure what I have done to upset them (apart from going on maternity leave again?).

I honestly thought when I started this thread that they might have had something up their sleeve not the case obviously. I think they probably just didn't get their act together, but come on a card perhaps? Might have been nice? I genuinely am now beginning to believe that no one bothered to say anything to anyone else as had to be offsite the week before for an event. But its not as if they haven't known for a while is it? They certainly have commented on my weight gain a fair amount!

Would it be too sarcastic to send in a photo of your new baby when he/she arrives with a little note to say 'thanks from me and my mum for all the kind words when (you) went on maternity leave, obviously everyone just itching to know that (the baby) had arrived healthy and happy' - ie pretend how you would have reacted if they hadn't behaved like thoughtless pigs.

Otherwise, take the moral highground, or wonder if there could be anyone else who also gets missed out? Sounds like organisation of collections is ad hoc (like that at my place too) and managers might be mortified to realise how insensitive they appear.

Not clear from your post how many of your colleagues actually realised this was your last day? Did you tell them yourself when your last day was? Could they be shocked that you don't turn in tomorrow?

you have two options - leave without so much as a good bye, or cry copiously.

which would make you feel better, and them worse?

a think a lot of people bother less for a second child, but rarely do they not bother at all - that is just complete lack of thought on their part.

how about leave them a note as you go, something like 'so, see you in x months. so glad you all thought to wish me well on such a life changing event - NOT'

I am not sure many of them did realise it was my last day, and I guess it does creep up quickly BUT the key people did know that I was leaving on that date as did HR (not that they care but........)

Don't know which would be my best option - perhaps I just won't tell them I have had the baby!

Well, I am assuming you are at home now, far from those weasels
Put it out of your mind and enjoy your lovely new bundle.

When you go back, do what EightiesChick suggested.