to cut my DDs hair - WWYD?

[undercovamutha]

DD (4) has quite long hair, which is absolutely gorgeous [biased mother emoticon]!. Whenever it isn't tied back, she always gets compliments about how lovely it is, and how lucky she is etc etc.

However, cos it is so wavy/curly, it is a nightmare to brush and wash. DH normally handles bathtime/hairwashing, but I brush DDs hair in the morning. We are both utterly traumatised at the moment about DDs behaviour when we brush it.

It has always been a trial. We have tried a million things to make it easier (detangling spray, different brushes, different shampoos, talking to DD, cuddling her whilst the other one brushes it etc etc). Recently it has got so hard to brush it - she screams, writhes, rolls on the floor, and has even made herself sick! And this is with us trying to be as gentle as possible!

DH is adamant that she needs to have her hair cut short, and that he is not putting up with it anymore. I kind of agree with him in one way - but her hair is just so beautiful!

Also my mum did the same to me when I was younger (although I have quite ordinary/boring hair), and I was often mistaken for a boy, so I have my own ishoos about the situation !

Would I be being unreasonable to agree with DH and get her hair cut short? WWYD?

Have you ever heard the expression "head sore"? Think it means people who can't bear their hair messed with; it's actually painful so no wonder there's tantrums.
We went the tangle teaser route, and bob (which I lurve) and star chart for no fussing when hair is getting done.
If you go for the cut, I'd try to make it as positive as possible at a hairdressers, rather then holding her down like a Dickensian orphanage (not that you would but you know what I mean!).
You'll have to cut it, it's the only way forward. When we started school we could barely get out the house some mornings...

I think it's definitely worth talking to her. If it causes so much hassle you might have to lose some length. It does sound like it means more to you to keep her hair long than it does to her.

You'll have to do something if your DH "is adamant that she needs to have her hair cut short, and that he is not putting up with it anymore." Otherwise you might come home one day and find that he's brought out the scissors and solved the problem for you.

Agree with fake.......don't brush curly hair dry!! My hair is curly and so is DDs....we wash her hair twice a week, comb it through with conditioner on it then use detangling spray in the mornings to de-frizz. I only brish mine when wet otherwise I look like a poodle

Aww I feel for you my DD (2.10) has beautiful thick white blonde hair 2/3 way down her back.

She loves her long hair and having it plaited, tied back and putting her "peggies" (clips) in it but my god, if strands aren't tied back she gets all sorts of stuff in it and it becomes a nightmare to wash and brush!

Me and her dad were recently locked in a battle because I want to cut it to just below her shoulders and he didn't. He's since changed his mind (stayed for her bedtime so bathed her and washed her hair) and sees my point of view

One problem now: He made such a fuss (as did his mother ) that DD freaks out at mention of her hair being cut and unless I can find a way to knock her out it wont be getting cut for the forseeable future!

Short hair don't have to be boyish as others have said, there loads of celebritys' children who's style you could copy carry off as your own. I'm going to sit down with DD and Heat/OK!/and similar to have one final stab at changing her mind without the aid of chloroform and let her pick out a style she likes. Go for it I say. it'll grow back pretty soon anyway!

One of the problems with having it cut, is that I have stupidly made it seem like a punishment, rather than a nice option! So now she basically thinks it is somewhere between having your leg chopped off and looking identical to her little brother! [sigh]

I'm sure someone on here has cut their DD's hair while they were asleep prozacfairy.

If you cut curly or very wavy hair to a jaw length bob it will look aweful. I got mine cut to just above the shoulder and it stuck out like a poodle's. I had to straighten it every day so I didn't look rediculas.

IMO the best thing would be to either get some long layers in it so it's easier to manage or get it thinned out a bit. Keeping it trimmed to minimise split ends will make it a lot easier to brush too.

To the OP-

H my 4 yr old dd1 has hair exactly as you describe(and very similar to the pic but longer, i would describe that as fairly curly btw) and i think we are able to finally manage it pretty well. this is what we do

Wash only once or twice a week, do not fully rince out conditioner, leave just a tiny coating on the hair then comb through with tangle teezer (this brush significantly changed our lives!
Then french plait whilst wet, if done well enough i find it looks ok the next day stii and i just leave the plaits in...

Inbetween plaits/ washing use a detangling spray/ water spray to soften and tidy but do not brush other than the very ends, save this for washing only.. my dd rarely complains now so hope this helps!

also meant to say we had some long layers put in which helps

I use panten smooth and sleek shampoo and although it's designed for straight hair I find it gets rid of most of the frizzyness on my hair which looks like the pic but longer.

Right - I've just bought the Tangle Teezer. What shampoo and conditioner are the best to use?

a hair dresser with any skill will be able to cut a nice curly bob. it's not the same as a straight bob.

Some days can't you just tie her hair back without brushing? On school days when I can't bear another fight I do that with dd and you would never know that her hair has not seen a brush for 5 days. I don't see the point of brushing every day.

Also bear in mid that soon enough your dd will be starting school when her hair will need to be shorter / tied back anyway to avoid nits!

do not dry brush!. my girls have long hair one has curls. mostly tied back. at night i spray it damp then use a wide toothed comb/tangle teezer (superdrug do a shower comb which is great). always plait at night. we do it while watching a cbeebies prog on the laptop.

in the am, spray, comb, tie up or leave down.

wash once a week, condition wash in between and comb when conditioner on.

My 6 year old has very long, very thick, curly hair. I wash it once a week using an olive oil shampoo and conditioner and comb it through then I don't brush it for a few days. At night I put it in a loose plait and then in the morning just either give her two plaits for school or a pony tail. When it does need brushing I spray it with water or a detangler.

It would be a shame to cut your dd's hair if it is so beautiful.

I share your pain DD1 is going to have to have her hair cut off next week.

Her hair is below her waist atm, it's almost dead straight so don't have the curls to deal with but her hair is snapping and falling out like nobodies business.

Every time you brush/comb her hair you have to clear up a furball off your lap/the brush!

I can't use any conditioner or any fancy shampoo as she has excema and reacts to everything except DermaX medicated shampoo.

I use Schwartzkopf [sp?] Smurf detangling spray and that really helps get the knots and encrusted food out (she is always inhaling her hair whilst eating).

Could you get your hair cut first so she can see it's not something scary? Show her pictures of girls in a catalogue/brochure and get her to pick out a hairstyle she likes (obviously not bum length and dead straight )

I find the loreal kids conditioner brilliant.. shampoos that are sulphate free are best for curls/waves, i managed to get a cheap TIGI one in tk max recently

DD 4 has long wavy hair.

She knows to sit still to have it styled or she will have to have it cut. One of her friends has just had her long hair cut off and DD is not impressed.

We use detangler and she regulary needs the ends trimmed.

Straight hair can look lovely in a bob etc but wavy hair will still be a problem if not looked after properly. It may be more wild because it will lose the weight to hold it down.

Another vote for the tangle teazer here. DD2 is 2.5yrs old and has curly/wavy hair, we used to have full on tantrums and genuine tears whenever we brushed her hair, got a tangle teaser and it was the best £12 we've ever spent! She will sit for ages now and have her hair brushed and not had a single tantrum about it since we got it (plenty of other daily tantrums though!)

Ahem I have very similar hair to the pic and have a bob and it looks lovely I'll have you know.

But I never brush it when it's wet (never brush it at all - only comb it with a wide toothed comb when it's wet) and always put frizzease serum on it after I've washed it.

I've never heard of the tangle teezer - I'm going to get one

Look up the Curly Girl Method here on advanced search.

Curly hair does not need brushing or combing. It does need conditioner, and gentle treatment. There's a book by Lorraine Massey called "Curly Girl", which advocates no shampoo, as curly hair tends to be far drier than straight hair and shampoo can make it worse, and this site gives an idea of how to do it too.

I haven't washed my hair with shampoo for years now, and neither has my 12 yo DD, who used to have a terrible time getting out to school every morning.

• We use diluted Tresemme gel after the initial gentle towel drying.

What coventgarden said.

DD1's hair is wavy, not curly.

TangleTeezer sooo much easier.

And yy to plaiting it at night.

How much conditioner are you usuing?mines mega long and curly and I use fistfuls of the stuff, tangleteeze changed mylife too it's amaZing! bout 7 quid off eBay/asda, plaits is a great idea too.
Oooh as well- brush from the ends upward, with a hand flat against her head(gently) - this means you're not yanking at it. Let her sit in front of a DVD as well while you do it to take her mind off it!

What 4 year old wants long, long hair anyway? Doesn't it get in the way?

Cut it to shoulder length and plait it every day other than parties. There's loads of time later for her to do the long hair thing.