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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my MIL shoudn't give my boys sweets every day?

31 replies

rotool · 24/07/2010 22:24

Am I? I would like to treat my children with the odd treat but feel as though I can't as I know that MIL will give them something too. Boys are 4 and 6 and often get given a whole mars bar or whole tube of wine gums.
Boys see MIL nearly every day as OH works for his parents on farm/horses etc...
I have tried to talk to her about it but she just makes silly comments like at lunch today saying "oh I daren't put cake on the table had I?" when someone asked for some. I feel they are getting to many sweets as it is without me treating them too.
It makes me so mad.

OP posts:
slushy · 24/07/2010 22:40

I have this problem I have started buying healthy snack like fruit and when they ask giving them this. Hop eyou find a way around this.

pjmama · 24/07/2010 22:47

Blimey! I couldn't eat a whole mars bar, that's ridiculous for a 4 year old. Why can't you just ask her to stop? Who cares if she makes silly comments, remind her that childhood obesity and tooth decay are not funny.

MathsMadMummy · 24/07/2010 22:47

YANBU that sounds like too much IMO. but either way you need to make it clear that they are your children so your rules

Original poster
rotool · 24/07/2010 22:54

I have asked her to stop, she won't, I have been asking for the last 4 flippin years.
Have mentioned teeth and she just says as long as they clean them twice a day they will be OK. She also gives them fruit shoots which OK don't have colours etc in but they have 3 spoonfulls of sugar in each one and it makes the boys wee loads....does anyone else have this prob with fruit shoots?

OP posts:
kalo12 · 24/07/2010 22:55

i think you should ask your dh to ask her to stop. sugar is so bad for children. tell her sweets are so old fashioned. no one proper gives children masses of sweets anymore

pjmama · 24/07/2010 22:56

Don't ask her to stop, TELL her to stop. Brushing twice a day will not stop them from getting tooth decay if their diet is consistently high in sugar. What does your DH think about it, is he backing you up?

MathsMadMummy · 24/07/2010 22:59

exactly what pjmama said. you don't ask her, you TELL her. they are YOUR children. and your DH needs to stand up to his mum by the sound of it!

Original poster
rotool · 24/07/2010 23:00

DH has tried but they ignore him too. MIL says when DH was ill as a young child and didn't eat anything but chocolate the doc told her if thats all he would eat then let him...I have tried telling her that times have changed but she just won't have it.
My boys love her very much, she is a fantastic Grandma in every other way so does not need to spoil them like this.

OP posts:
slushy · 24/07/2010 23:02

Well when she says that say yes and that was your choice because he was your son this is my choice.

Original poster
rotool · 24/07/2010 23:03

I am taking them to the dentist next week for a check up and was thinkng of telling white lie about the dentist being concerned?
Hate to even think of telling untruths but getting a bit desperate.

OP posts:
pjmama · 24/07/2010 23:03

If it were me and someone was overriding me on something that will most definitely have a detrimental effect on my child's health, something that they have been repeatedly asked to stop and have chosen to ignore, then the visits would stop until they decided to show a bit more respect.

Original poster
rotool · 24/07/2010 23:05

Wow slushy you sound so strong,don't suppose you could have a wrod for me!!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
rotool · 24/07/2010 23:06

word even!!

OP posts:
slushy · 24/07/2010 23:09

Ah believe it or not I used to just say nothing but lately I feel like other people don't pussy foot around me or give a shit about upsetting me so why should I? It took a while of forcing myself and now I am a complete bitch .

KickArseQueen · 24/07/2010 23:15

Go for it tell your MIL that the dentist is concerned and that if your children require fillings you will require her to come in to the dentist and hold their hands while their teeth are drilled.

You could also mention the marsbars to the dentist and get him to talk to the children.

Alternativley give me her number and I'll pretend to be the dentist

Original poster
rotool · 24/07/2010 23:21

I am so going to that KickArseQueen... ask the dentist to talk to them... I wouldn't put you through trying to talk to MIL!

OP posts:
breatheslowly · 24/07/2010 23:22

I don't think you will have to lie - discuss it with the dentist and you will probably find that the dentist is concerned. Brushing teeth twice a day is not the answer as this won't coincide with the time that sweets and sugary drinks are consumed.

Boys2mam · 24/07/2010 23:41

The fact is the benefit of being the grandparent is the treats. If it interferes with their healthy eating then by all means put a stop to it but if its the glory the GP's get over you as the parent then let the GP's have their fun.

My DS's love the time they have with my parents and a part of it is the spoiling with treats but I feel that the one treat they get from my parents in the drop that is the ocean of healthy eating over the course of a day + teeth hygiene=I feel I'm doing my job.

I am 31 years old with not a single filling so the example I was lead by seems to be doing ok.

LittleSilver · 25/07/2010 07:12

omg at your MIL!

Our rule is that Sturday is chocolate day. No sweets/ice cream/anything allowed on any other days. Is it poss to tell MIL this rule so she can spoil them on your designated day. Though tbh it sounds as if she shows VERY little respect for your rules and your role as their mother. She is being very rude and undermining you.

Original poster
rotool · 25/07/2010 07:19

OH if only it was me being selfish Boys2mam, and trying to spoil the GP fun of giving treats, how often do your kids see your parents? Mine see there GP's every day and treats from GM and then boiled sweets or fruit gums from GD is happening every day.
I also like to give treats as a reward but again this seems silly when they get them from GP's no matter how they behave.

OP posts:
notagrannyyet · 25/07/2010 07:38

I had similar problems with my MIL.

In the end I never let DC visit PIL unless I was with them....I just refused to let them have sweets even when cousins were there. She got the message in the end. After a while she started giving them 10p for their money box at each visit. I did let them have cakes and puddings there so she still got to give them treats. Just stand your ground...ask her to buy a comic, toy car, football stickers, or someting instead.

shelley1977 · 25/07/2010 08:26

I have similar trouble,they go to see their grandparents/dad twice a week and the time is spent eating crisps,sweets,chocolate,irn bru and fruit shoots and what main meal they get is always chips.My ex is the worst and wont listen to a word i say.Though my 2 are age 5 and 4 i have had them come home and tell me that they dont want to eat the sweets as they hurt their teeth.My poor little ds had to get his back teeth removed even though they have no sweets at home or fizzy juice,only homemade treats a couple of times a week.He did have issues with his teeth from very young and his dad knew this but didn't care.Its a never ending battle for me.

teaandcakeplease · 25/07/2010 08:33

YANBU

Does it impact on them managing to eat their meals? So their diet is more sweets than nutricious food as well?

My MIL loves to spoil mine with sweets and chocolate, so I'm very lucky that she doesn't see them more than once a month due to her work I would find it very difficult, if it was more often, like you

nagoo · 25/07/2010 08:38

yanbu.

I have this problem too, but not so bad for me as it is only once a week! If your MIL is seeing your children every day then you will have to be firmer about it. I agree that the dentist idea is good. And designated 'sweet day'. There are other ways to 'spoil' children than sweets. And if you don't stand up to this then you will feel terrible about the ensuing decay even though it's not you giving them sweets!

pranma · 25/07/2010 13:36

I give treats to dd to give the children when she wants.Last week I bought a packet of magic stars for dgs[3 and 1] and dd said 'Pranma has brought sweeties for you so you can have some now and some another day'.She put 4 in a little bowl for dgs1 and 2 in another bowl for dgs2.The point is that the boys[well dgs1] knew that they were from me butt dd controlled the eating of them and everyone was happy.Would your m-i-l do this perhaps?

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