To not like myself very much for being to scared to say something?

[shimmerysilverglitter]

Yesterday in McDonalds I heard a woman tell her toddler daughter that if she didn't stop being "naughty" (dipping her chips into her Mum's sauce!) then she would slap her "straight in the face", when the little girl cried she told her to "stop fucking crying, you look so fucking ugly." I was . The woman and her friend actually noticed me looking and made comments about "nosy bitches" and then watched me aggressively for the rest of the time I was in there as if daring me to say anything.

I see this kind of thing regularly where I live and it just makes me despair. I sometimes wish I was huge with a Black Belt in karate of something so I had the confidence and self possession to say something to these people without being scared of the outcome.

Been thinking about it since yesterday. that this is what happens in public so goodness knows what is happening at home.

You'd only make it worse for the child involved.

No - its never right to say anything unless you see the child being hit and even then you have to tread carefully.

I just go home and hold my dcs even closer.

I know, just really . I know how that child will end up you see. My Mum used to tell me how "ugly" I was when I cried (and other times) and am so lacking in self confidence now. It will either go that way or the child will end up being super aggressive herself.

I hate hate hate hearing parents talking to their DCs in that way........why on earth have they got children in the first place??!

I wouldn't have said anything either......if that mum can speak to her own daughter like that, imagine what she would have said to you. So horrible for the poor child though, and it is abuse IMO......it may not be physical but it will be equally as damaging to the child.

The friends she was with actually said to the toddler as well "why are you being so naughty and upsetting your Mummy like that?". Two adults telling that little girl how awful she is for dipping her chips into her Mum's ketchup.

Sad to say, probably best off avoiding MacD's then...

Have seen all sorts of shite in the one I've been to. I rarely go these days and only on days and at times I think it'll be empty.

The other thing to think of, if she thinks nothing of threatening loudly to slap her daughter in the face... you think she'd stop short at hitting you???? In front of her DD and your DC....

Also, do you think mums like that sat down and decided the pros and cons of parenthood? how they would raise them, teach them how to be successful adults?

I have to disagree, I can remember, with crystal clarity, the one time a complete stranger pulled my father up on how he treated me. And he was a veyr clever man who normally treated us perfectly in public.
We were out somewhere and I obviously wasn't being perfect enough so he pulled me aside to hiss insults/threats in my ear. A middle aged woman walking past stopped, turned to him and said 'That's an awful way to talk to your child, you shoudl be thoroughly ashamed of yourself' and walked off.
He was furious, and yes, he took it out on me, but tbh he would have done that anyway. What mattered to me was that someone said he was wrong. No-one had ever said that before. I had no idea it wasn't right until that moment but then I started to notice that other fathers weren't like mine.
I was 6.

I woudl always say somethign to an adult, and sometimes I would want them to hit me, because then I woudl call the police and bring their violent nasty little nature into the llight of day for everyone to see.

I agree with that Quality the bit about YOU knowing that it was wrong and seeing someone stand up for you. No-one ever did that for me. I told someone once about the way my Mum treated me and she told everyone I was a liar and after attention.

I am pretty sure she would have screamed abuse at me and maybe even gone for me, she seemed the type but who would have looked after my terrified dd if that had happened? Didn't want to risk it.

Sorry, if you had dc's with you then you did the right thing, I would have glared but not said anything, I didn't realise you did though!

Sans DD's I always comment though.

FWIW I told my priest once and he dragged me out of the confessional by my arm, took me straight to my father and told him, word for word, the 'scurrilous lies she has just told me'
Yeah, that helped loads, twat.

I always find it upsetting to hear that sort of stuff as well,poor children

I don't think anything you could have said at that particular moment would have helped, presumably she was a complete stranger.

Also, you only had a tiny glmpse into her life.

I wonder if she's usually a fantastic mum who is at the end of her tether and worried sick for her children because she's fleeing violence, or has just discovered she has a terminal illness or her partner has, or has just become homeless or can't pay the bills. Perhaps she hates herself, her self esteem is on the floor and she's feeling she's coming to the end of being able to look after children. Maybe she has zero support, no skills to deal with how she is feeling and now hates herself for how inappropriate she was.

Or maybe she's just nasty, that's possible too.

Don't beat yourself up about it OP, you've nothing to feel bad about.

Quality, your priest strory is and must have been fucking hideous at the time. Poor you. Bastard fucking priest.

I am a bit gobby myself but always very wary of saying something.I once told the life guard at our local open air pool that a boy about 8 had pulled down my dd bottoms in the pool a few times. He then went to say something and pointed me out. They bullied me for a few hours walking by and saying things to me about being a "grass" and were going to "get me ouitside" i felt very worried and tried to call a few people but nobody was about.As we were clearing up to leave they were hovering about obviously to follow me out with dd 3.Suddenly sensing danger i turned and said "your child pulled down my daughters pants, he is 8 she is 3 what the f* did you expect me to do buy him a lolly? Now you can carry on intimidating me or whatever you are tryinmg to do but i am warning you i am not scared and will bloody fight back hard!!" Just have no idea where it came from and i was really scared but they just walked off muttering.
I aggree that McDs is the worst place for this tho. M and s do a nice sarnie haha

Quality's story doesn't surprise me. I had a friend whose entire family were subjected to regular beatings by the father. When one of them plucked up the courage to tell the priest he responded by saying "But ***'s such a good man.' They all ended up fleeing the country to get away from him in the end

Good for you ledkr.

I am the sort who has intervened in the past. However you have to be wary and I think in the OP's circumstances she was better to say nothing.

Yes ledkr. I think when cornered like that you can either go under or come out fighting, only thing to do really under the circumstances.

Quality. It doesn't surprise me either. I used to go into school with black eyes, never did any homework or joined in classwork etc, I was a glaring abuse case and no-body ever did a thing about it.

I work for ss and the standard imo of living for some children is appauling but if you removed every child there would be no where to put them. The way forward is to try and empower the parents to parent better and realise what impact this will have upon their dcs and thus on themselves in the long term. Not easy tho is it.How long ago would your case have been?It sounds awfull. So many children are left in situations due to lack of proof etc,human rights act has a lot to answer for.

It is not related to the Human Rights Act but is a Child Protection issue. For Social Services to act on this they have to be alerted initially. Unfortunately, even when schools contact the SS it can be very hard to get anywhere. Funding, knowledge and educating parents while protecting these children is the way to go, and in extreme cases, remove the children.
Given that OP was with her dcs she made the right decision in this instance. The mother's aggressive attitude acknowledges her own failure as a parent, even if she doesn't already know it.

poor little girl.

I heard this woman saying to her 1 or 2 year old 'shut up you little shit' make's my blood boil.

"I wonder if she's usually a fantastic mum who is at the end of her tether and worried sick for her children because she's fleeing violence, or has just discovered she has a terminal illness or her partner has, or has just become homeless or can't pay the bills. Perhaps she hates herself, her self esteem is on the floor and she's feeling she's coming to the end of being able to look after children. Maybe she has zero support, no skills to deal with how she is feeling and now hates herself for how inappropriate she was."

Oh come on, look at the situation! She was with her friend, so she had the support right there - and her friend backed her up! Do you really think the most likely explanation for a woman being so vile to her child is that she has a terminal illness?

This woman's only stress seemed to be that she wanted her ketchup!

I think we'd all feel like this, angry but impotent, not knowing what if anything could be done. My cousin's hb has intervened before re a very young child getting sworn at and hit, followed by "What the &*!$ you looking at?" at a fast-food place. He was happy to introduce himself as a Detective Inspector.

Excellent DinahRod - bet that produced a pretty shocked expression on that person's face!!

I might claim to be a DCI next time i see something like that just to frighten the bastards that talk to their children like that.

I think it's really sad that whenever discussions like this take place - where someone has witnessed a child being verbally or physically assaulted, or abused, or treated in a horrible way, you always get snapshot, bad day, you don't know what's going on in their lives, you can't judge etc etc comments.

As though if you have a child you somehow have the right to treat them badly if something is wrong with your life or you are stressed in any way. You don't have that right. At all. Ever. And I do not believe any excuses should be made. If a child is threatened - that's wrong. If they are dragged about - that's wrong. I don't think it should ever be considered ok, acceptable, justifiable or reasonable to take out your frustrations on your children. I don't understand the thinking that it can and should be excused. I genuinely don't.

I got the impression from cousin's hb that he took a lot of satisfaction in doing that. But even he gets frustrated with the system re child protection.