To not like myself very much for being to scared to say something?

[shimmerysilverglitter]

Yesterday in McDonalds I heard a woman tell her toddler daughter that if she didn't stop being "naughty" (dipping her chips into her Mum's sauce!) then she would slap her "straight in the face", when the little girl cried she told her to "stop fucking crying, you look so fucking ugly." I was . The woman and her friend actually noticed me looking and made comments about "nosy bitches" and then watched me aggressively for the rest of the time I was in there as if daring me to say anything.

I see this kind of thing regularly where I live and it just makes me despair. I sometimes wish I was huge with a Black Belt in karate of something so I had the confidence and self possession to say something to these people without being scared of the outcome.

Been thinking about it since yesterday. that this is what happens in public so goodness knows what is happening at home.

Their shamelessness is dreadful and you are probably right to think that had you said anything, it might have, probably would have, been taken out on the child later.

But if you see it a lot then maybe you can think about what to say next time. Carry a (genuine) phone number round with you and offer it sympathetically to mums who are "struggling to manage" to keep patience with their children. Tell them you work with parenting services who would be happy to help. Maybe don't criticise but offer help, I don't know. At least it might give them thought.

Yup Quality's story is informative. The child doesn't know that this is not normal, and the child NEEDS to know it.

Where I used to live I saw a woman slap her little girl round the face for not being able to carry her 6 pack properly because the woman was going to the pub

I was really young and didn't have kids then but by god that moment is seared on my brain and I have never forgiven myself for not saying something to her. I would now.

If your DC aren't with you I think we do have to say something - it's the public just thinking that it's none of their business that leads to some of the more tragic child protection cases that make the news.

My (grown up) daughter used to work in a well known retail outlet. One day a woman challenged a parent for the obnoxious way they were treating their child. The parent then followed the woman out of the shop and assaulted her, Police were called etc. but I wonder if the upshot was that the parent may then indeed have taken it out on the child later. So it is difficult to know what to do because as others have said you are unsure how it will turn out. That said I have done glaring and staring when faced with appalling parenting.

Agree 100% with Hecate

Poor little girl It always makes me want to pick them up and take them home with me, give them a home where they are safe & loved.

To my shame I wouldn't have said anything either. I'm too small to be scary and having her mother hit me isn't going to make the little girls day/life any better I would, however, look outside McD's to see if there was a policeman who could go and have a word.

To the poster that was saying we don't know the situation - maybe this and maybe that.... FFS, you actually think there is anything that would justify treating a toddler like this? I could understand, maybe, a 'For godsake stop doing that', at worst.

it makes me so so sad to hear parents talking to their dcs like that.

i was in a shop once a few years ago and there was a little boy of about 4 or 5 singing "skip to my lou" (i think that is what it is called). it was so sweet he wasn't loud or irritating just really gentle, soft voice singing to himself. and then his mother got right into his face, grabbed him by the arm and through grited teeth said "if you don't shut your fucking face I'll put my fucking fist through it" i nearly burst into tears right there and then. i had to leave the shop.

how sad.

but OP YABU - don't beat yourself up about not saying anything, most people wouldn't either.

It is hard to pluck up your courage to speak up.

Years ago, there was a much publicized case of a toddler who was enticed away from his mother in a shopping center by 2 older boys and was murdered by them. I was horrified that so many people had seen the 3 of them together, had recognized something was not right, but did nothing to help. At that time, I promised myself that I would always 'interfere', even if I ended up looking stupid.

Some time later, I was at the local swimming pool with DC and XH. I became aware of a biggish bloke repeatedly ducking a little boy of about 4 under the water and holding him there. When he was allowed up for air, the little lad was crying and clearly terrified, coughing and spluttering (of course). When I went up and remonstrated with the guy, he gave me a sarcastic smile, told me that he was a qualified swimming instructor, that he was getting his son used to the water because he was sick of him being scared of everything and said that I could mind my own business.

I got out of the pool and reported him to the 2 so-called lifeguards, who had not noticed what was happening as they were busy chatting and not watching the pool. They told me that they could not do anything because he was the child's father.

I was very upset about this and felt so helpless.I have often thought about that poor little boy being brought up by that bullying pig.

Shimmery - I understand how you feel - but to some extent you made your point by staring at the mother. On some level she knew she was out of order.

I personally see children as everbodys' business and have no qualms about stepping in. I can either do the confrontational approach or ask the mother if she's alright - is she stressed. Or sometimes I make a point of watching like the OP did.

I've had a mother shout at me for intervening, and I told her - " Well OK, I'd rather you take it out on my than on your kid."

this is the world we live in I am afraid. Its very sad, but unless you want a smack, best to keep your distance

people can be SHITTY, end of

GiddyPickle (I posted about the pool incident, not Animation) Yes, this happened some years ago and I think that I should have reported it to the police. Foolishly, at the time, I thought that the swimming pool officials would have done something about it and I think I should have carried on pursuing it when they did not - but, I had my own 2 children in the water also and could not leave them unsupervised. But I did feel appalled by the incident and still cannot understand why nobody else seemed to give a damn.

GiddyPickle - I'm, afraid that yes in an ideal world we could do something but its something you see a lot depending on where you live and you just arent going to wade in every time, especially if you've got your own dcs with you.

And do you really think that by getting in that persons face once its going to make a damn bit of difference to their behaviour - better to volunteer with welcare or home start and do it that way...

You really have to pick your battles - so I would step in if I saw a child being physically abused or some children bullying another child (if they were young enough and didnt look as if they were carrying anything) but you just cant step in all the time you just have to make a judgement call.

I, nearly, always say something. My DH says one time I am going to get punched. We went to MacDonalds the other night, big treat, last day of school. A young rough looking Vicky Pollard type, with one very young mixed race baby and one 18month old white child (ticking all the boxes fro a horrid stereotype) was at a table nearby. And she was singing to the little girl as she bottlefed the baby (2x 8oz bottles in 15 minutes, but that's another story). I said to my DH how refreshing it was for someone to step away from the stereotype.....

then she put the baby down, screaming not winded, and slapped the child's hand for throwing chips on the floor. Looking very pissed off she left the baby screaming. I approached her and asked if she wanted help whilst she ate, I could hold the baby as she clearly was very stressed. She refused and I said I knew how hard it was to have two so close but did she know about surestart? She was very offish, but I continued. I told her that at her dd's age she really didn't know any better and smacking not only doesn't work bt can be a sign of a stressful parent and she really should call someone and get help. She said it was none of my business and I replied smacking a very young child in public made it my business. I then left because my DH rapidly got everyone ready to go.

Shocking discovery of the weak: stupid nasty people are stupid and nasty in their parenting just as in everything else they do. When they are chavs in McDonalds they're obvious and brazen about it; when they're smooth and elegant in big houses they undermine their children in more subtle, but in many cases more effective, ways.