Need an outside perspective, Am I wrong? Or is he?

[HedgehogsHogHedges]

I am asking this to try and figure out if I am wrong and should change or if my husband is being unreasonable.

I have no eyebrows at all I have to draw them on with a pencil. To be quite honest I look a bit like the girl from the old playstation advert before I draw them on.

Anyway, My husband is always asking me to draw them on, fair enough. Once I had a huge row with my mum and stopped at morrisons on the way home. Because I had been crying, my eyebrows had came off and he asked me to draw them on because I looked odd. I was really upset that he was insensitive anough to mention that while I was upset but I drew them on.

Sometimes he studies my face and then says something about my eyebrows. (I know this seems ridiculous)

Anyway I am not dressed today, haven't brushed my hair and he asked me to draw them on because I look wierd.

I said that I am at home, I don't expect to walk around the house where noone can see me with makeup on! Thats ridiculous. He then said I don't make an effort and he isn't physically attracted to me.

I feel awful. I am nearly 39 weeks pregnant, feel fat, horrid and generally ugly.

In the past I have changed things for him, I lost weight when he suggested I did, I dye my hair because he 'likes change sometimes' I feel so fed up.

He said he will always love me, but he isn't attracted to me at the moment.

Am I being Unreasonable?

He's a real meanie

Just read page 2!! Can't believe he's been on here

If there is one person who should make you feel beautiful it is your husband. He chose you as you are.

In my opinion, and my husband's, there is nothing more beautiful than a lovely round pregnancy belly and all the other gorgeous features that come with it - he loves my swollen ankles, tolerates my moods and gives me reassurance because he knows that's our little baby in there causing it all and is so proud.

I'm really lucky but have been in a previous relationship with a long term partner who behaved very much like your husband. It knocks your self esteem and that can already be at a low ebb when you are pregnant. He needs to change or he stands to lose the two people in his life who it appears will love him unconditionally given the chance (that's you and your baby).

Sounds really obvious, but have you told him how his comments make you feel?

I have the opposite eyebrow problem and pluck them intermittently to make myself feel better - I'm sure my husband wouldn't notice or care - just loves me.

On the attraction front that takes work in any marriage but it is necessary - if it really can't be sorted out then you may hit a point where you need to put your needs first and they aren't currently being met by him I'm afraid.

"He said he does love me and always will, he isn't attracted to me."

That's horrible, you don't deserve that at all!

Wow Mr hedgehogs comments scared me

I hope he doesnt get angry with mrs hedgehog

I just read the husbands comments, really hope OP is ok

OMG her husband (can't possibly call him DH really) came on here [shocked]

And he still can't see he's a total fuckwit even after reading everyone's responses which are pretty much unanimous.

Mr HH you need a personality transplant, and maybe go stand in front of a mirror and check out your beer gut/baldinghead/saggy jowels whatever you have. Have a goooood long check out of yourself and try and see what others see lol.

And when you've done that I suggest you go and grovel profusely to your poor long-suffering heavily pregnant wife and spend the rest of your life together trying to be as nice to her as you possibly can.

Cos right now you don't deserve her AT ALL and if I were her I would probably be begging you to have an affair and shove off.

so, you've not had an affair, MrH, do you want a medal? good for you, staying faithful to your wife and mother of your child

effort - do you make the effort? do you bring flowers, make her a romantic meal, take her out anywhere? or sit at home telling her she's unattractive and you don't like her hair/brows/appearance and expect that to be motivating enough ?

There's a time and a place to keep your mouth SHUT and bow down before your goddess like wife. And this is it. 39 weeks pregnant and you are making her feel bad about how she looks?!

yeah keep it shut Mr H

Look at yourself in the mirror.

I hope that she does make herself look attractive and then tells you to piss off!!!!!!!!

I'm sure I'm not the only one hoping the OP will come back and tell us she's ok. I am worried.

SDTG - no you're not the only one
Hope she's ok!

OP - come and let us know you're ok please.

How can a person claim to love someone and at the same time be happy to hurt them and make them feel so low and worthless? I don't understand.

When you love someone, you want them to be happy and confident and feel good about themselves. Their pain is your pain.

Yes you may from time to time have to say things that may hurt - if they need a good armpit scrub for example but a pattern of behaviour that strips them of their confidence is not love, it's control.

"He does have ADHD so I don't know if he realises how hurtful and inappropriate it is."

No, it just means he has a shit excuse for being a shit.

Are you ok OP?

What the fuckity fuck?

OP, he is a controlling arse of a bully.

I'm getting really worried now.

I don't think we'll ever hear back from this OP

Hi,

Sorry about the delay, My grandad has just been diagnosed with terminal cancer then our house was robbed.

Husband and I have had a long talk and he is going to lay off and change.

Thank you for all your support

Sorry to hear about the bad news. Regarding your husband, it's very easy to say 'I'll change' when caught behaving badly but what you deserve is not someone that temporarily 'lays off' with the bullying... but someone who actually loves and respects you.

I'm sorry to hear about your grandad and the burglary, and glad to hear that you have had a long talk with your dh. I hope that he can change and that you can sort things out as a couple. I would suggest that it is going to need a lot more talking, perhaps with Relate, for him to change. If he loves you, he will do this.

Hmm, and if that's really the OP I'm the queen of sheba...

We are going to get some outside. I'm really hopeful that things will improve.