Not entirely thrilled with DS' end of year gift...

[SolidGoldBrass]

Yes it's sweet of the school to give all the Reception kids a book as a present but did it have to be one about a farking dead grandad? Cue me blubbering while trying to read it to DS, DS bravely saying 'Acutally mummy this book is too sad, let's read Horrid HEnry instead'...
FFS.

Hi, I am a teacher and can I just add that I have never heard of the school paying for end of year/christmas gifts for the children.
We pay for the gifts ourselves - I'm not complaining about this - something I want to do for children I have grown close to over the year. So if you are going to complain (your prerogative) then do keep this in mind.

if the book was part of a set then its entirely possible the teacher took time to think about who to give it to..

eg i wont give that to x cos his grandad died last year this will bring back bad memories

As for writing to the book seller... what are you going to say- please only ship this to people who have lost a loved one???
They have no idea who they are shipping these books to and personally I think its nice to have books like these around for the appropriate time

Im a teacher and wouldn't give a book like that to one of my class, even though you know the families well you don't know all of their personal details and it could really upset someone.

My class all had Elmer books, hopefully nothing controversial there !

EvilTwins - the 'complaining' is due to the inappropriateness of the gift - as you think any gift should just be appreciated, if the book had been a porn mag you'd have been fine with it???

I would talk to the school first and see how they ordered them (selected titles or job lot) and see if the school would deal with it. That book is not appropriate for random gift giving.

chippingin - are you seriously advocating the OP going up to the school and complaining about a gift which was given to her child, very possibly (see mumtoa...'s post) bought by the teacher from her own pocket?

So if your DC get a birthday present which you deem inappopriate (eg - my DTDs were 4 this year. They ended up with 3 Barbie dolls each. I'm not a fan of Barbie dolls - I think they're pretty vile, TBH) you think it's fine to complain to the person who gave the present? Maybe write to the manufacturer?

And as for your "random" gift giving comment - FFS. If I was the school, and a parent had the audacity to actually complain about a gift which was given to her child as an end of reception gesture, I would be livid. How dare you - I mean how seriously ungrateful. This has really got my back up.

I bet this thread wouldn't even have started if this had been a birthday present - but since it's from a school, some mothers feel they have the right to moan and whinge about it. Why should a child be given an end-of-year gift anyway?

IMO, the only response is to be pleasant and appreciative, and if the OP feels that the book isn't appropriate for her DS at the mmoment, then she should quietly put it away until such a time as it might come in useful.

Porn mag? Oh purlease. That is hardly an appropriate comparison.

I agree with Evil Twins. It looks like the teacher ordered a batch of books and just distributed them at random in an attempt to show appreciation of her class. There is no requirement for a teacher to do this and it would almost certainly have been paid for out of her own money and not school funds. Some books ARE upsetting and children and their parents have to at some point learn to deal with that - fairy tales anyone? Charlotte's Web anyone? The last Mog book?

I think it would be churlish to complain. Just put the book away and then at some point get it out again. Issues in literature help us to deal with issues in life as we encounter them, or, if not deal with them, at least recognise that they are universal emotions.

What ET said.

It looks like you just lucked out OP, but oh god, don't complain to the school.

That's interesting. My DD was given 'Midnight' by Jacqueline Wilson by her teacher as an end of year gift. We had to stop reading it as the beginning is actually quite sinister and scary! I didn't think it was very suitable even though DD is 10 - but we may have been over sensitive as I've just looked at some of the Amazon reviews and no one else seems to agree!

I don't blame the teacher though, as she probably thought JW was a safe bet.

I think it's sad that it's now become the norm for teachers to buy presents for the children - I was actually really surprised when DD got her first one in P1. It must get expensive, not to mention the hassle of organising and wrapping when they're really busy at the end of term.

EVILTWINS Yes I am seriously advocating the OP goes up to the school - no I am NOT advocating she complains. I was responding to her posts here:

By SolidGoldBrass Sat 24-Jul-10 22:55:41
I think I might drop the publishing company a line actually and point out that it's a bit of a shock to get that book in among all the rest of the Teddy's Happy Day stuff...

& here:

By SolidGoldBrass Sat 24-Jul-10 23:47:20
EvilTwins: It is nice of the school to buy all the kids books. WHich is why I am contemplating complaining to the bookseller rather than the school - the more I think about it, the more I think it is a little insensitive of the bookseller to offload copies of this particular book in a mixed bag as it is definitely a bit distressing for 5-year-olds (FFS there's a fairly detailed description of the little boy going to buy icecreams, getting icecreams, seeing his grandad basically expiring by the park bench and running up the hill screaming in distress... Next chapter - Little Johnny will never eat ice cream again.)

I think discussing it with the school & showing them that it's an inappropriate book for random gift giving to reception aged children might stop someone else getting very upset over it next time. I don't think it's unreasonable for the OP to want to let the school/distributors know. It is not complaining.

Lat I looked, this was about helping the OP sort out what she wanted to do about it - not about what I would do, but I'll humour you - when LO's were given Brats dolls we thanked the people that gave them to her, said we were glad they could come to the party. I later donated one to a charity shop and one to a friends little girl who collects them and didn't have this one. I don't have any issue with Barbie. As for the book, I wouldn't have read it to my LO's, I would have put it away and later donated it to charity, end of story.

Well, either the books were handed out randomly or the teacher thought about each and every child and which book to give them. Personally I would hope it was randomly done as I would hate to think that a teacher who teaches reception aged children would think this an appropriate gift.

You have got a bee in your bonnet about people complaining about this - no where did I say she should complain - so if you could stop shouting at me (not entirely sure why you picked on me to be honest as many people were saying the same thing)?!, that would be lovely

I think discussing it with the school would be bloody rude. Would the conversation go along the lines of

"Hello. You gave my son a book as a gift. He didn't like it. Infact, I thought it was so inappopriate that I started a moany thread about it on MN"

Oh, and I'm directing my bee at you because you suggested that this is the same as giving a reception child a porn mag as an end of term gift.

Why did you not discuss the inappopriateness of the Bratz doll with the person who gave it to your DD? Maybe because it was an individual and not a school This is where my bee is coming from - because the gift has come from school, it's absolutely fine to point out that it wasn't appreciated. Well, sorry, but I don't think it is.

EVILTWINS No, the conversation would go along the lines of 'It was lovely that all the children got an end of year present, what a lovely thought. I just wanted to let you know though, that I felt one of the books was really inappropriate for reception children, it's called Grandad's Bench - have you read it? XX found it really upsetting and we are lucky enough to have both sets of Grandparents still, I can't imagine how upsetting it would have been for a child who has lost a Grandad - I just wanted to let you know in case you ever order from them again'.

Your comprehension level suprises me - I did not say it was the same as giving a child porn mag, I said that if you feel that parents should be grateful for any present their child gets, regardless of whether it's appropriate or not, then you would then have no problem had it been a porn mag... I disagree - parents are entitled to find things inappropriate.

Do you not actually read anything that is written? I have explained that I would not have said anything to the school (as I didn't with the Bratz giver), but that as the OP wanted to do 'something' about it, I felt this was the best option.

Try reading all the posts from teachers complaining about 'the crap presents' the kids give them and how certain things are inappropriate/unwanted/tat/unhealthy etc Parents spend their money on these things too you know - it's not a one way street.

Oh & there really was no need to point out that you are a teacher... your posts did that for you quite nicely.

I think you should spend the summer chiseling the chip off of your shoulder!

Gosh SGB, look what you've started

"Try reading all the posts from teachers complaining about 'the crap presents' the kids give them"

Chippingin - perhaps you could link so these? I can't seem to find any.

OK, fine - so you wouldn't acutally do any of what you're advising. I find it odd that you would advise the OP to do so then, rather than explaining what you did with the Bratz doll and suggesting that she do the same with the hugely inappopriate, nay, offensive book (described on Amazon as "This is a beautiful, sensitively told story of love and loss and of a special relationship between grandfather and grandson.", btw) I'm assuming you've read it, given how completely on the OP's side you are here, and that you also found it hugely offensive.

If not, then your own level of "comprehension" is questionable too.

Oh, and I'm not entirely sure why you picked on me to be honest as many people were saying the same thing.

There are ways of having a word without complaining.

My 8 year old DD was given a book for free at a (non-school) reading club. It was "My So-Called Life" - I think - which is a teenage novel written as a diary with liberal references to sex, sexuality periods, alcohol and smoking; none of which my DD knows anything about. There was a sticker on the front saying "Warning: Not suitable for younger readers."

I took it back with me and thanked the lady kindly, saying that I was grateful for the free gift but it really wasn't suitable for DD's age, pointed out the sticker, thanked her again for bothering to give DD anything at all and that was that. She was apologetic but there was no need to make a big thing of it.

What I am trying to say it that there does not have to be a complaint, just a quiet word.

erm that should be "sexuality, periods" not "sexuality periods"

It sounds like a good book,but as someone whose DS did lose his Granddad in Reception,I would have hated to have had this come home out of the blue at the beginning of the summer hols - with a present there is the pleasure and excitement of having got something,DS would have been keen to read it,cue meltdowns all round,as I was already being faced with questions and discussion about death at odd moments.

I think it was lovely for the teacher to get a book for her class,but I also think that books about issues like this should be left for the parents to choose for themselves,and a gift book should be as unlikely to cause upset as possible...

Grandads Bench keeps coming up on my Amazon home page now

Eviltwins - No, I wont find links for you, this thread is not about the teachers opinions of gifts - if you want to read those threads - use the 'Advanced Search' facility.

You find it odd that I would try to help the OP find a solution that works for her. I am not so conceited as to think my solution to a problem is the only solution. The OP wanted to do something about it to prevent another child being so upset - I made a suggestion.

Of course Amazon described it like that - they want to sell the book. Parents may wish to buy this book for their child who has lost a Grandad in a similar way if they feel it will help - but it's inappropriate to be given out randomly.

Yes, I have read the book and I read several similar books, trying to find one to help the children through it when my Dad died.

I didn't pick on you, I relied to your post aimed at me. FGS.

Try reading what people are writing (balloonslayer, pogleswood and many more), try seeing past the 'Poor me, I'm a hard done by & unappreciated teacher, house sized chip on your shoulder and TRY to see it from someone elses point of view.

I think it was a nice gesture that unfortunately went wrong. YANBU but I think I would let it lie. It wasn't deliberate insensitivity, just a bit careless.

I worked in a nursery and our manager - NVQ level 4 - shopped for gifts for us to wrap 'from Santa' - this took a whole day, her shopping for them that is, not us wrapping them.
Anyway, the gifts were wooden puzzles for the under 2s and every single one said "NOT SUITABLE FOR CHILDREN UNDER 36 MONTHS DUE TO SMALL PARTS"

We had to wrap them and dish them out and what a fool I felt - I pointed out the not suitable for etc bit to every single parent.
MANAGER'S BREEZY RETORT - "OH WELL I'VE BOUGHT THEM NOW".
Sorry -leant on caps lock.
What I am trying to say is maybe not to shoot the messenger.

Chippinin - no idea where you got the idea that I'm a "hard done by teacher". My POV here is that it is rude and ungrateful to moan about/compain about/point out the inappropriateness of an unsolicited gift. Under any circumstances.

And I did use the advanced search to find these hundreds of fabled threads in which teachers moan about the "shit" they've been given by students, but guess what - there aren't any. That's why I wanted you to find them for me.

Oh, and this bit:

"I didn't pick on you, I relied to your post aimed at me. FGS."

I copied and pasted from your post, in case you hadn't noticed.

Please reply Chippingin -I was having a really dull day until I read this thread.

The point I was trying to make earlier (and perhaps the point Chippinin is also trying to make) is that the school are probably UNAWARE that the book was about a dead Grandad and would themselves probably not have chosen it as an end of year gift for one of the children, given that it is perhaps the sort of book that a family member might choose for their child thanks to its sensitive nature.

I teach secondary and we never get ours gifts but if I were in Primary and had given a child this book, I would not be remotely offended if a parent came in, thanked me for the gift and then said 'I'm not sure if you realised but this book is about losing a grandparent'...

Bad choice of book but I agree that they may not actually have known what it was about - I got given a book with various stories including Rip Van Winkle and Sleepy Hollow by my school when I was 8

Does anyone remember the song about "My grandfather's clock was too large for the shelf so it stayed 90 years on the floor, then it stopped, short, never to go again when the old man died"

This song traumatised me as a child as I was very close to my grandad and I became terrified of him dying (and funnily enough he did actually have a clock).

May I recommend "killing Mr Griffin" for a return gift??? here