to think this could be totally innocent.

[strumel]

I recently had to go on a work course with another femalei work with. We get on really well and have recently become quite close friends although we have worked together for 2 years.

We often have really 'deep' chats and we are quite 'connected' spiritually and by our thoughts and opinions which is all great. We are generally quite cuddly with each other and i am certainly quite a touchy feely person anyway, often hugging friends hello and goodbye etc.

So this work course involved an overnight stay. Room only had a double bed and we shared which we were both relaxed and fine about. During the night as we were falling asleep our hands touched and then she held my hand. I didn't move mine because i didn't want to offend her and also because i thought maybe she was just being cuddly and nice.

Am i being totally niave? I am single but she is in a relationship and has 4 young children although i know previously she has had a relationshipn with another women.

AIBU to think it could be innocent and mean nothing. Or have i completely got it wrong and have got myself into a pickle.

strumel I think the point here is that there are people who would be uncomfortable with this, and these are the people who would probably never sleep in a double bed with a friend anyway, and are likely to think this would 'mean' something.

There are then people who would be completely comfortable with this and not see it as necessarily meaning anything other than what it was.

I would put myself in the second category, and it sounds like you almost would too, as you don't say you were uncomfortable with it at the time (you didn't remove your hand), it is only in hindsight you are wondering if you are being naive. This suggests to me that you are more likely to be in the second category than the first (esp as you already had legs intertwined). In which case, think no more of it. You're both touchy feely type people and have this kind of frienship. No big deal IMO.

BTW, for your benefit, I have canvassed my office of 6 women with this 'imagine if' scenario, and excluding me, 4 have said what's the fuss, no drama at all, and two have said they would probably have moved their hand away but wouldn't be uncomfortable with that person afterwards, would just carry on as normal.

D

brill i love the idea of the women in the office all coming together to sort out my dilema!! Love it.

I was more than comfortable with holding hands, bed sharing, legs over each others etc. I love my friend, i love women in general, my friends are hugely important in my life.

I agree completely that there are some who are ok with this kind of thing and those who are not. I am ok, so i suppose that answers my original question!!

strumel I did debate posting that I had asked the girls I worked with as I thought you might not be pleased, but it was a totally anon 'imagine if' scenario, I didn't mention mn or anything (and they don't even know I am on mn as some don't even know I'm pregnant yet!).

Your second para of your last post is the only thing that is important here, IMO.

D

My point wasn't really about whether you were happy with it (you clearly are), but more whether it could be misinterpreted by the other person (who is in a relationship with four children). She has so much more to lose than you, and whilst she may just be a very touchy-feely person who really likes you, she may, given she's also had relationships with women, hoping for a little more, which as I say, may have much greater implications for you than her which may be also why she's not taken it further.

Porcamiseria, if I found comments homophobic, then I did. If you didn't, you didn't. Getting offensive doesn't really up your case.

While the situation might appear hilarious and worthy of a bit of piss-taking (this is the crux of the homophobia for anyone that doesn't really understand it), the response "Don't be so over-sensitive" certainly doesn't wash in my organisation where they find such "jokes" not funny in the slightest, if the recipient finds it demeaning.

Some of the words you use, in addition, I just found gratutitous and a bit creepy.