To think DP acts unreasonable about food?

[Forest79]

I believe my DP has a psychological addiction to food. So much so that the only way he could avoid dying from morbid obesity was to have an operation which would restrict how much he could eat. He lost a lot of weight but a couple of years later and he is still obsessed with food. He eats junk constantly. Crisps, biscuits, cakes, chocolates. But he tries to turn it around on me and constantly makes comments about me overeating etc. I don't think I do overeat. The last time he said this I'd developed a bit of a stomach ache and he said "well that will because by over eating" or he'll say something like "wow, you get on the scales tomorow, you've eaten loads today" etc.

A typical days food for me is as follows

Breakfast = a bowl of cereal and a cup of tea
Mid morning - OCCASIONALLY a packet of crisps but certainly not every day
Lunch - a small sandwhich
Dinner - a child's size meal (as I get full very quickly)
Supper - OCCASIONALLY a couple of biscuits.

I do not overeat, I don't care what anyone says. I'm not overweight so why does he constantly make out that I'm a fat pig and eat too much?

He's also obsessed with meals being regimented. Like you have ONE hot meal a day. So he kicked off when I allowed DS to stay hot dinners at school as that meant he'd have to have a cold dinner like a sandwich as he'd already had his hot meal of the day. One day I went out for lunch with a friend and DP said when I got back "what you having for dinner?" so I said "same as everyone else! why?" so he said "but you had a hot meal while you were out!" ??? Funny how it doesn't stop him getting a "hot" takeaway on a night though.

He always seems to look for excuses for me not to eat. Like last night I took DS to a party and had a couple of cocktail sausage rolls while I was there - DP said "right, so who am I cooking dinner for then? cos you and DS won't need any".

Sometimes he'll say to me "what do you want for tea? just a tiny portion of what everyone else is having?" ???? why can't he just give me the same as everyone else?

(and before anyone says it, he does the cooking because I work full time.

As others have said, your partner seems to have some serious issues that he's projecting on to you. From your subsequent posts, it sounds like you're really unhappy in the relationship, and I can understand why. I haven't got any answers, but wanted to send you a hug.

Oh, and of course YANBU.

It sounds like he has problems with control and since he cannot control himself he tries to control you and DS.

I think you may have lost sight of what a healthy portion size is because of putting up with all of these food issues?

The only way forward is for your DH to accept his problem and seek help.

When someone has an alcohol addiction they have to stop drinking. When someone has a nicotine addiction they have to stop smoking. When someone has a gambling problem they have to stop gambling. When someone has a food addiction they cannot stop eating. It's a very difficult addiction to break for this very reason.

Longtalljosie - sorry, I just thought that at the bottom part of the range it was getting near to underweight. I do apologise, but I do think the point, that it was the bottom half of the range, is still valid. This is not about the OP being overweight.

I apologise, but I was just trying to give a different view on the matter. I still stand by my statement that it could be difficult for a little one growing up with tensions about food.

(btw - tongue in cheek, I would say that 14 st 12 lb would be bordering on underweight, just not bordering very closely)

I do totally agree that living with one parent with an odd attitude to food could be very damaging.

OP, sorry, coming back to this. In the light of your latter posts, I'm going to suggest that the eating disorder and weight issues are a total red herring, and what you've got here is actually your common or garden narcissist.

If you put the issue of his weight, and bariatric surgery, to one side completely, you are left with this:

He wants to control your son's eating according to arbitrary rules.
He wants to control your eating according to both arbitrary rules and some idea that he's better qualified than you to judge what you eat. With a side helping (ha) of wanting to deny you food.
He insists that you pay him 50% of every expense. Do you earn the same as one another? You said that you work fulltime, does he not? I assume that with his learning difficulties, you earn more and support the household already, is that right?
He is intensely jealous of you - does he stop you going out, or at least make it so uncomfortable to do so that you don't?
Excessive lying
Communication issues

SGB said: "Because this man sounds like such a cataclysmic fuckup that the only reason you entered into a relationship with him would be because you have some issues of your own, maybe around rescuing others, caretaking and 'duty'." and I, too, am wondering what on earth you could possibly be getting out of this relationship.

He sounds rather controlling.

I have heard of the one hot meal a day thing-my Nanna used to be very strict on this (even the dog had to have hot gravy on its dog biscuits once a day) BUT it was more "at least one hot meal" rather than "one and only one".

I think it was a working class pride thing- showing that you could afford to feed your family and that you weren't all just surviving on sugar sandwiches.

In this instance though, it's clearly some weird control mechanism (over himself and others).

I kind of know what he means about the hot meal thing. If I have a hot meal at lunch I feel like I eat too much if I have another hot meal in the evening.

But it's not a controlling thing, more a "not wanting to eat two big meals in a day" thing.

Your DH sounds incredibly annoying at best, and weirdly controlling at worst. Who gives a damn what you eat so long as you're happy?

I think a serious talk is in order, along the lines of "we need to stop mentioning food around the DCs as we want food to be normal, and not something that they get any hang ups about".

Of course, he'll probably fly off the handle and accuse you of saying he has hang ups. But worth a try.

you sound like you have a healthy approach to eating - you eat what you want, when you are hungry and when you are full you stop. You dont like feeling bloated. All that is completely normal and natural.

He quite obviously has issues with food and weight loss/gain.

But the overriding thing that stans out here is that he is trying to control you - it sounds like he was treated badly as a child. That does not mean he has the right to do the same to his family.

You need to sit down and have a chat about this, properly.