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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think DP acts unreasonable about food?

59 replies

Forest79 · 23/07/2010 07:44

I believe my DP has a psychological addiction to food. So much so that the only way he could avoid dying from morbid obesity was to have an operation which would restrict how much he could eat. He lost a lot of weight but a couple of years later and he is still obsessed with food. He eats junk constantly. Crisps, biscuits, cakes, chocolates. But he tries to turn it around on me and constantly makes comments about me overeating etc. I don't think I do overeat. The last time he said this I'd developed a bit of a stomach ache and he said "well that will because by over eating" or he'll say something like "wow, you get on the scales tomorow, you've eaten loads today" etc.

A typical days food for me is as follows

Breakfast = a bowl of cereal and a cup of tea
Mid morning - OCCASIONALLY a packet of crisps but certainly not every day
Lunch - a small sandwhich
Dinner - a child's size meal (as I get full very quickly)
Supper - OCCASIONALLY a couple of biscuits.

I do not overeat, I don't care what anyone says. I'm not overweight so why does he constantly make out that I'm a fat pig and eat too much?

He's also obsessed with meals being regimented. Like you have ONE hot meal a day. So he kicked off when I allowed DS to stay hot dinners at school as that meant he'd have to have a cold dinner like a sandwich as he'd already had his hot meal of the day. One day I went out for lunch with a friend and DP said when I got back "what you having for dinner?" so I said "same as everyone else! why?" so he said "but you had a hot meal while you were out!" ??? Funny how it doesn't stop him getting a "hot" takeaway on a night though.

He always seems to look for excuses for me not to eat. Like last night I took DS to a party and had a couple of cocktail sausage rolls while I was there - DP said "right, so who am I cooking dinner for then? cos you and DS won't need any".

Sometimes he'll say to me "what do you want for tea? just a tiny portion of what everyone else is having?" ???? why can't he just give me the same as everyone else?

(and before anyone says it, he does the cooking because I work full time.

OP posts:

hairytriangle · 23/07/2010 08:37

You have a very big problem here and you need counselling together! You dint sound like the problem - he definately does!

Oblomov · 23/07/2010 08:50

oh dear.
so what are you going to do OP ?

Original poster

Forest79 · 23/07/2010 12:16

I'm definately more self concious about food now than I used to be. He makes me feel greedy all the time.

From now on when he suggests that I've been overeating I'm going to say "I don't over-eat" and leave it at that. When he asks what I'm having for tea I'll say "same as everyone else" and not ask why or anything.
If he questions what I eat I'll tell him I'm an adult and can make my own food choices.

The "one hot meal a day" thing really pisses me off because its a wierd thing he tries to pressurise everyone else on. "You had a warmed up jacket spud for your lunch?? well you won't want any dinner then" of course I want some fucking dinner you freak.

OP posts:

sapphireblue · 23/07/2010 12:19

Forest do you actually want to be with this man? I can't tell if you're upset about this one particular issue or if there's more to it. Calling him a freak kind of indicates that there's a pretty serious problem in your relationship.

Original poster

Forest79 · 23/07/2010 12:24

I'm just sick of him projecting his mental issues onto me all the time. Its not just with food but thats the major one. Theres other stuff too. He feels he got left out a lot as a child and so insists that everything is 100% fair, he even goes as far as to put £5 petrol in the car and ask me for the £2.50 or if he see's me go and get a couple of biscuits he'll rush to get the exact same ammount of the exact same biscuits. I don't know how much longer I can put up with this. I miss having a normal partner.

OP posts:

sapphireblue · 23/07/2010 12:27

gosh that's incredibly childish of him.........reminds me of how my brother and I used to behave as young children!! It sounds like you're finding him very hard to live with. Do you think he recognises that his behaviour isn't "normal"?

BrightLightBrightLight · 23/07/2010 12:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

Forest79 · 23/07/2010 12:33

I weigh 10 stone (and am 5ft 10)

Thing is I don't mind him having his wierd hang ups about the hot meals etc but he insists the rest of us have to behave in the same way. Like refusing DS a normal dinner because he'd had a "hot meal" at school. It's just stupid and controlling. Why should everything be his way?

OP posts:

Longtalljosie · 23/07/2010 12:42

Pretty much bang on where you should be then. I bet that pisses him right off...

flootshoot · 23/07/2010 12:45

I can kind of understand the hot meal thing - we were brought up having a small (usually cold) meal for lunch that DH views as little more than a snack, and he can't understand why I get annoyed when he expects a full hot meal at lunchtime as well as dinner!

The rest of it sounds very worrying though - I think he (and possibly you too) need counselling over these issues.

SolidGoldBrass · 23/07/2010 12:47

This man is not mentally healthy and he's going to get worse - he definitely has an eating disorder and associated problems with relating to other people. TBH this is doing you no good and will undoubtedly have a very bad effect on your growing DC. I think you might actually need to tell your H that he either gets some psychological help or he leaves. Do you want him giving the DC eating disorders? Because he is definitely heading that way.

BettyisNOTBlu · 23/07/2010 12:49

I've never heard of the idea of you eat one hot meal a day? Seems a bit odd to me.

EricNorthmansmistress · 23/07/2010 13:10

I don't think you actually have issues with food OP apart from a huge self consciousness about what you eat because your P is constantly telling you you overeat. It's hardly surprising you don't eat much if he tells you you are greedy etc if you eat a full plate.

He sounds like hard bloody work. Counselling for him or I can't see you sticking it much longer.

foreverastudent · 23/07/2010 13:20

he has an eating disorder and should be getting medical/psychological help

MathsMadMummy · 23/07/2010 13:59

has he ever had any diagnosed psychological problems? or counselling or anything?

Original poster

Forest79 · 23/07/2010 14:04

No but as far as I know he's had problems ever since he was born. He didn't learn to talk until he was around 4/5 years old. He never learnt to read or write very well and he had bed wetting problems until he was around 15 years old. His mother was very controlling and by the sounds of it, not very supporting of the fact that he struggled so much and I think his sister was favoured.

Now DP has problems handling money, intense jealousy of other men, excessive lying, eating obsessions, communication - I think he has definate mental health issues but he denies anything is wrong with the way he behaves.

OP posts:

nagoo · 23/07/2010 14:06

I think you sound normal OP but I would take over the cooking rather than be scrutinised over what I ate.

Also consider doing the shopping online you could do it at work so that you could get less crap in for him. If there is less crap in the house he can't get through so much?!

He does sound like a pain in the arse, but must surely have some redeeming qualities?

MathsMadMummy · 23/07/2010 14:11

again a bit of a MN cliche but what is keeping you with this man?

Original poster

Forest79 · 23/07/2010 14:13

I don't know anymore.

OP posts:

MathsMadMummy · 23/07/2010 14:38

I'm sorry to hear that Forest have you tried having a really proper, deep conversation about it with him? if you can possibly get away from the DC, get some babysitting - and just talk. during the day maybe and not in a situation where there's food.

SolidGoldBrass · 23/07/2010 15:32

OP while I doubt that you yourself have an eating disorder - any food issues you may be developing are down to this man's behaviour - I do think that you might benefit from some counselling or at least some reading around MH issues and relatinship issues. Because this man sounds like such a cataclysmic fuckup that the only reason you entered into a relationship with him would be because you have some issues of your own, maybe around rescuing others, caretaking and 'duty'. Either that or the partner you had before this one was irredeemably vile ie violent or repeatedly unfaithful and you picked Mr Eating Disorder purely because he was neither of those things.
It doesn;t sound like this relationship is good for you and it probably isn;t for him, either - he;s not exactly getting better, is he?

FindingMyMojo · 23/07/2010 15:54

I think he is projecting his food shit onto you

wannabesybil · 23/07/2010 16:54

New poster - so you may want to ignore this

According to the BBC website, you are just about within healthy weight - and bordering on underweight.

I've seen this in relatives. One partner has an eating disorder so the other person's health gets messed up.

Perhaps you should follow an eating plan for a few weeks, like Weight Watchers. I bet you would eat more - and he would be very cross about it lol.

I think you need hugs and I think you need to say to him, this is not about food, this is about control. Please allow me to control my own food intake.

Also - how is this going to affect your little one? They are already being denied a chance of variety and choice with the 'one hot meal' thingy.

I hope it all works out for you.

YetAnotherIssue · 23/07/2010 16:55

Your kids are going to end up with eating disorders!

Longtalljosie · 23/07/2010 18:38

sybil - she's not bordering on underweight. Her BMI is 20.12 - with the healthy range between 18.5 and 25.

She'd have to fall below 9st 3 before she was classed as underweight.

I'm 5'11 and 10 stone 13 and while I'm fairly slim, I could cheerfully lose half a stone or so, but I like cake so choose not to!

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