to think leaving 9 year old home alone sick is not right

[lisad123isgoingcrazy]

Got a call while out with friend for lunch from DH. Next doors Little girl was at the door in the rain, having been locked out! Told DH to let her in, but he was due back at work 15mins later. I had to leave lunch with friends, pick her up and then take her to DD1 school show with me.
Little girls mum is at hospital visit with grown up son, which i knew. But i am shocked she left her dd2 alone at 9 years old. AIBU?

Oh and shes still not back 3 hours later, hate to think what would have happened if DH hadnt come home on his lunch break to sort out the dog?

Her sick child was outside when she locked herself out - and OP said she wasn't really ill/sick

so it make it ok to leave a 9 year old in the home alone. the mother still thought she wasn't well to go to school and left her at home.

luckly she got better, but what if she got worse

Very kind and neighbourly of OP

It's all to easy to make snap judgements, so in this case I'd be inclined to trust OP's (generous) instincts.

ok, wihtout sounding like a bleeding heart, her son has cancer and he had a body scan, no way of knowing they would be that long. Calling police or SS, why? She was safe with me. Yes she shouldnt have left her alone, I know that, I certainly would never leave DDs alone, sick or not. Her older sister was due home at 3.30pm ish and Im guessing my neighbour didnt think the her DD would lock herself out the house. I guess she had a judgement call to make and had agreed to go with her son to hospital and woken to find dd2 complaining of a tummy ache (im guessing here from when LO said) but decided her son needed her more.

All I can say is Im grateful I have support.
But truely, would you have called SS??

yes i would.

what if you hadn't been able to have the child. would she been left in the rain for several hours until she came home

just to turn this around..if the mum left a child to get pissed at the age of 9...how would you feel

What does seem bad to me is leaving a child alone without any instructions on what to do in an emergency. Or even instructions on staying indoors.

Leaving alone on its own seriously doesn't sound that bad (if she is well enough to be doing recycling, she is clearly not very ill), but that is because mine have been drilled from an early age in emergency procedures/people to call on/phone nos etc. Ds walked home from school alone aged 9 and he was not the only one in his class: I don't think sitting at home with a book is necessarily more dangerous than crossing three roads.

But agree that the present case did present some dangers and wasn't well thought out.

Lisa I'm glad it was someone like you and not some of the other posters on here who was in that situation. I can imagine with one child already sick with cancer the poor mum must be nearly mad with worry that she is probably not thinking straight at all.

I thought we were supposed to band together and not screech witch hunt the minute someone under pressure f*cks up. We have either been or will be in situations where we make choices that don't make sense. There but for the grace of Whosit. Bet she could really do with the ss breathing down her neck too.

mumof2children I think that would be a very different situation. you seem awfully judgemental about someone in a very difficult situation
I don't know whether I'd leave DD alone at 9, she's only 2 now, it would depend on the child she becomes and how urgent the situation.
Lisa, you're a wonderful neighbour.

social services are not bad people, i would still contacted them...then perhaps the mum could get some support.

leaving a 9 year old is not right, i hope this mum get the support she needs.

Jesus I'm glad you're not my neighbour mumof2children

I think I would have taken her with me or let the son go on his own for the scan.

If she had a virus infection, taking her to the cancer ward would have been a seriously bad idea: far greater risk of killing somebody that way than by leaving her alone at home. Mind you, she doesn't seem to have been very ill in the first place, so what the mum should probably have done would have been to have sent her in to school.

It all depends on the 9 year old surely, and the 9 year old in question here was doing the recycling whilst her mum was out, not just watching TV! She sounds pretty responsible to me. So no, not ideal, but understandable given the circs.

Maybe 9 year old not really ill so much as worried about her little brother and didn't want to be in school on a scary day.

Well yes I´m wondering why she didn´t go to school.

I thought the son went for a scan?
(I know that infection around a cancer ward is a no)

I suppose it probably wasn't the cancer ward then. Still, depends on whether they were scanning all the cancer patients on the same day. But generally speaking, bringing somebody with a virus infection to a hospital is not something to be encouraged if you can help it; vulnerable people are likely to be around.

Poor neighbour - she sounds like she is having a really tough time. 9 years old is too young to be alone all day but really that is why other people need to help out in these kind of circs - as the OP is kindly doing. Good for her.

Um, we don't actually know how long mum had planned to leave her DD? OP's DH found the DD at lunchtime - how long had she been on her own then - 1 hour? 2?

OP then rang the mum to say she was looking after DD so mum probably felt it was ok not to rush back. If she'd not had the phone call to know that DD was being looked after by her neighbour we don't know how long the DD would have been left. maybe only an hour or 2 - which is a bit different to all day!

Absolutely worst case scenario is that DD would have been on her own from whenever mum left till when her older sister got home. But we don't know that mum didn't intend to pop back during the day!

"What does seem bad to me is leaving a child alone without any instructions on what to do in an emergency."

She got locked outside (whilst helping her very under pressure mum by clearing up - 9 year old do actually do this you know) - and went to the neighbours for help, hardly not knowing what to do.

"just to turn this around..if the mum left a child to get pissed at the age of 9...how would you feel"

Oh yes almost exactly the same situaion, but hey at least she was putting the empites into the recyling. Brightside and all that.

Walk a mile in someone else shoes before passing judgment.

mumofchildren - there is a hugh difference between leaving a sensable girl in the house and getting a 9 year old girl drunk.

There isn't a law or age when you can leave dc in the hosue alone, there is guidance but not a law.

if somethings goes wrong and your dc is hurt then the law will change and prosecute you for not being sensible.

But you have a range of dc and maturaty. Living with a son with cancer is hard enough with no other family support, I can't imagain living with out family support let along no family support and a ds with cancer and two other dc to bring up.

The last thing that that person need it agro , what they do need is people like the op who area caring enough to help out.

it is a shame that neighbourhoods have become insular but you can understand why that has happend as people don't seem to often want to help - like the op did and would rather telephone soemone like ss or police.

cameron is trying to do a BIG society

shame it isn't about adults all trying to look after dc and help them behave and a clip aprund the ear when naughty and helping out when sick or soemone dies.

People used ot be in and out of each others houses minding the dc and everyone knew each other.

People don't know the people that live in their street let alone have them in their house or look after each others dc when times are hard.

socirty is about looking after each other in times of need not dobing each othr in when soemthing goes wrong

By Buddjela Fri 23-Jul-10 08:55:15
""What does seem bad to me is leaving a child alone without any instructions on what to do in an emergency."

She got locked outside (whilst helping her very under pressure mum by clearing up - 9 year old do actually do this you know) - and went to the neighbours for help, hardly not knowing what to do."

That's what I mean with instructions. The reason I said it was because I have experience of exactly the same situation, having to leave a 9yo at home while dealing with serious health problems involving an older sibling to which I could not bring him. And the most important thing ime is that they are given very clear instructions on what they should spend their time on. And that that must not involve getting on the other side of the front door except in case of dire emergency. Also, about what they may/must not do in the kitchen etc. A 9yo is old enough to obey instructions if you give them.

I can well understand how a stressed mum might forget this, but otoh if this is done, it does cut down on the risks considerably.

agree with what ivykaty says about society

so much harder to ask neighbours to just keep an eye these days

Well it sounds to me as if OP would have had the little girl in the first place if she´d been asked.

The concern for me is that the neighbour perhaps didn´t know how long she would be gone but just left her anyway.

As far as I know my neighbour had to take her DS to a scan in London and he had to be given radioactive drugs so thats why she couldnt have taken DD with her. she had knocked the day before to see if i was around after school to give keys to her DDs, im guessing she planned to send them to school.
Guess last mintue change of plans and maybe didnt make right choice. I have to say im glad most of you arent my neighbour

OP-is it possible your neighbour tried to ask you in the morning but you were out?

I know I´ve said to mine in the past that if I´m not home go to either of the neighbours.