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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think leaving 9 year old home alone sick is not right

77 replies

lisad123isgoingcrazy · 22/07/2010 15:35

Got a call while out with friend for lunch from DH. Next doors Little girl was at the door in the rain, having been locked out! Told DH to let her in, but he was due back at work 15mins later. I had to leave lunch with friends, pick her up and then take her to DD1 school show with me.
Little girls mum is at hospital visit with grown up son, which i knew. But i am shocked she left her dd2 alone at 9 years old. AIBU?

Oh and shes still not back 3 hours later, hate to think what would have happened if DH hadnt come home on his lunch break to sort out the dog?

OP posts:
Original poster
lisad123isgoingcrazy · 22/07/2010 17:13

no dad isnt on the scene, and her older son (20s) has been very unwell and I know she was very worried and thats why she was going with him today. Well if she's not back in next 15mins, I have enough

OP posts:
trefusis · 22/07/2010 17:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
lisad123isgoingcrazy · 22/07/2010 17:23

ok, shes just collected them, poor lady looks shattered
I have sent them off with chilli and hot potatos for dinner. Least i know she doesnt have to cook tonight. Even if i disagree with her parenting, doesnt mean I cant be a good neighbour

OP posts:
Original poster
lisad123isgoingcrazy · 22/07/2010 17:24

she knew i had them, i called her when her girl turned up at my door and DH called me to tell me.

OP posts:
Onetoomanycornettos · 22/07/2010 17:31

You are a very very nice neighbour, bit debatable if 9 year old is old enough, esp. for all day and obviously mum should have a key accessible (with you perhaps). But she will feel bad enough about what happened, and daughter is obviously pretty sensible to come to you, so perhaps it won't happen again anyway.

ivykaty44 · 22/07/2010 17:47

Glad everthing is ok and it is good having good nieghbours, I have good neighbour and have taken stray dc in bfore and mine have been taken in - it is good when it works out like this and we all parent each others dc when in strife

diddl · 22/07/2010 17:48

I personally think 9 is too young for all day.

Maybe the neighbour didn´t think that she would be so long at hospital, but then when OP phoned to say she had the daughter thought that it was OK to stay as long as it took iyswim.

But I would want her to be making a definite arrangement in future if necessary.

3littlefrogs · 22/07/2010 17:53

The thing is - if her son is seriously ill, and she has no-one to help her, maybe she didn't have a choice and probably feels terribly guilty. Maybe she didn't have much warning about having to go to hospital. How awful to have a seriously ill child and no partner or family to help.

Wanttofly · 22/07/2010 18:49

Wish you were my neighbour. You did a very nice thing.

Its hard being a single mum and when streesed people be not always make the right choices.

9 is too young to be left IMO.

WidowWadman · 22/07/2010 18:54

I don't think 9 is too young

Original poster
lisad123isgoingcrazy · 22/07/2010 18:57

no family that i know of, she lost both her parents a few years back.
Her boy is seriously ill, and i really dont kow how i get though all we go though with DH apart from i have grat friendsand family.

OP posts:
cory · 22/07/2010 21:05

I have left 9yo alone before now. Quite normal in Sweden where I come from (my Swedish nephew- very much a PFB- dispensed with after school club at about this age as he preferred getting home to his books; noone who knew the family was in the least shocked).

Besides, I have had so much time off with sick children that I would lose my job if I stayed at home for minor illnesses. But have always instructed him not to leave the house except in dire emergency, and made sure he was clued up on emergency telephone numbers etc etc.

I would of course be very wary to leave a child with anything that might be the start of a serious illness, and I would always make sure they knew who to call if they started feeling more unwell.

Hulababy · 22/07/2010 21:11

9y is definitely too young to be left home alone for more than a few minutes or so IMO. Even for a sensible 9yo. And especially when off school "sick."

I don't care if peole think that is over protective. Rather that than anything untoward occuring and me then regretting it for a long time after.

I have never seen the need to have children grow up so soon and be so indepednent so quickly.

cory · 22/07/2010 21:43

"I have nver seen the need to have children grow up so soon and be so indepednent so quickly"

The need is usually something fairly basic like the need to keep one's job. Sometimes children have to stay at home for very minor reasons, such as conjunctivitis or even nits. Some children are unfortunate enough to attract a lot of days off due to minor illnesses. An employer who has already had a lot of disruption due to time off may not be very happy about parents taking time off for this: in many jobs, it doesn't take many days off before you are up for a disciplinary hearing. If I don't turn up on a teaching day, my students risk failing their exams, as there is no other qualified member of staff in my subject. Due to unavoidable (but not dangerous) chronic problems, my dcs between them clock up something like a 70% absence rate, none of which can be planned for in advance. We still need to eat.

In the present case, there seems to have been a pretty dire emergency, not some kind of psychological need for the child to grow up quickly.

ledkr · 22/07/2010 21:55

one of my firts mn experiences was getting a flaming for answering a thread asking if it was ok to leave 7 yr old dd alone whilst doing the weekly grocery shopping. Of cousre i said no and was subjected to a barrel of crap about being neurotic and parents like me raising non independent kids. Didnt have the energy to fight back as was in early preg and was so sick but i was left worried that apparently this was common place. Lots of other mums came on to say they left their kids one had left a 4 month old with 2 dd sged 4 and 6.I am pleased to see that this was not the case and most of us continue to be responsible. Inependent indeed!!

ivykaty44 · 22/07/2010 22:08

the goverment wants single mothers and fathers to go back to work when the dc is 7 years old. You can take some time off with a sick dc but if you do it too often you will get sack - which then could lead to you not getting benifit for 26 weeks (not sure how long when dismissed)

So you could end up in a lot of financal trouble if you keep staying away from work with sick child - so leaving at home and then going home in lunch hour will be the thing that happens at 7 years

Plus you don't get paid for being off sick with a child - so child sick two days of the week would mena your wages done by two days and for soem this would be hard then to pay bills etc.

So children need to gorw up in this situation and look after each other rathether than the bread winner taking time of work it will be better fo rthe older sibling to stay home - if there is one, and take care of sick dc.

I am all for single mums going back to work at 7 and not scrounging of the state but you can't then turn around and say they have to be home with cik dc or prosecute them if things go worng at home

Pancakeflipper · 22/07/2010 22:14

You are a lovely neighbour.

Sounds like your neighbour needs one like you. She sounds to be in a desperate mess.

SlartyBartFast · 22/07/2010 22:15

sounds worrying if she is still at the hspital,

SlartyBartFast · 22/07/2010 22:16

and to the original question, i dont like to leave an ill child alone at home while i go to work, well for more than a morning in my 15 year old ds, issue has not arisen but in my dd aged 13 i doubt i would leave her home alone ill.

mumof2children · 22/07/2010 22:32

how come you didn't phone the police or social service.

leaving a sick child alone is neglect in my book

SlartyBartFast · 22/07/2010 22:34

er, that wouldnt be very neighbourly, have some compassion

mumof2children · 22/07/2010 22:36

compassion for what, for a mother who leaves a sick 9 year old in a home alone.
yeh right.

SlartyBartFast · 22/07/2010 22:38

but why did she leave her?
yes, to visit her sick son. i am sure she didnt expect to be so long.

ageing5yearseachyear · 22/07/2010 22:41

sounds like she had a judgement call to make.

worried sick about son- hospital appt- whingy 9 year old feeling too unwell to go to school.

to be fair, if it was a morning appt i may have left my oldest daughter at 9 in these circumstances. would have told her not to go outside and rung a couple of times to check up on her. she would know and could be relied on to go to our lovely neighbour if stuck.

hope things improve for her soon and glad that there are lovely neighbours around-

mumof2children · 22/07/2010 22:42

her son was in hospital and forgive me that i think her son was being looked after by nurses and doctors.

not like a sick 9 year old home alone.

sorry but there is now excuss to leave a 9 year old alone at home sick

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