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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think her feedback was somewhat smug?

58 replies

Psammead · 21/07/2010 14:03

I just finished a course today with DD (6 months) and 6 other babies, all of whom were born January/February this year. I enjoyed the course and it was nice to meet other mums with similarly aged babies. When the course started, the leader said that although it officially starts at 9am, the first 15 mins are really just to arrive, settle down etc, so not to feel stressed out to get there on the dot.

At the end, the course leader asked us for any feedback, positive or negative. Most people had positives and the most common negative was that the course time was too early. For example, I always had to wake DD to get there on time and only made it for exactly 9am about half the time. Once I got there really late due to a specific incident which I explained and apologised about.

When one particular mum's turn came, her negative comment was that she always made it on time every single week and it was really frustrating that the rest of us found it hard to be punctual. She said that she also had to wake her DD to get there but that she just organised her time a bit better. Bear in mind that this course started when the babies were 3 months old or thereabouts.

AIBU to think that she was being unbearably smug about it? Ho-bloody-rah for her that she is so organised. Some people just find it a little harder with a small baby to be on time for things. It's put a dampner on my day and I don't know why - I wish she'd said something earlier so we could have discussed it. Now she's said it right at the end and I feel like it's been left hanging. No idea why I am letting it bug me.

OP posts:
paisleyleaf · 21/07/2010 14:06

Did the leader have to wait for everyone to arrive before she could start then?

Gigantaur · 21/07/2010 14:06

i don't think it was smug.

I think if she had made an effort to get there every week it would have been very frustrating to have the course disrupted by people arriving late.

I think it would grate on me too.

LittleMisscantbewrong · 21/07/2010 14:07

Get used to it! Bet she will be the mum at school who is always super organised, on time for everything and whose child will always have the best costume/model house etc etc!

If it makes you feel better I was feeling inadequate after your first paragrah as my dc3 is 6 months and I was nowhere near organised enough to attend a course when she was 3 months old

Original poster
Psammead · 21/07/2010 14:08

The leader started it at 9:15 every week, regardless of what time everyone arrived. I once arrived later than that time, and another women arrived quite often outside of that time.

OP posts:
ASecretLemonadeDrinker · 21/07/2010 14:08

She probably sits next to the front door all night, with matchsticks propping up her eyes, hand bag in hand ready to zoom out. Even if I was on time all the time, I would never be so rude as to point it out and make other people feel bad, you should have all stood and given her a round of applause. Don't let it bother you.

Habbibu · 21/07/2010 14:08

It was a baby course, fgs - not like you're going to miss something vital. If your baby sleeps easily, etc, then organising your time is easier - if not, then it's a bugger. Aren't these things just for parents to meet and make friends, essentially?

Original poster
Psammead · 21/07/2010 14:09

Oh, and even when we were all there by 9, we still started at 9:15 - just spent 10 mins chatting.

The leader planned the course for it to start at 9:15 although we could arrive and settle down at 9.

OP posts:
paisleyleaf · 21/07/2010 14:09

Well if it started at 9.15 regardless then I don't see what she's got to moan about.

domesticsluttery · 21/07/2010 14:11

I'm a stickler for time keeping and so would have probably been that organised mum, but I don't think I would have brought it up as feedback!

werewolf · 21/07/2010 14:11

Maybe she thought the course was on the expensive side and so didn't feel she got her money's worth?

lisad123isgoingcrazy · 21/07/2010 14:11

well it is a real pita when you get there ontime and then have to wait or be interupted by others. I dont think she was being smug, maybe just honest.

Limara · 21/07/2010 14:13

Tough one..... If you were able to make it half the time then maybe you could have made it on time more often-with the exception of the 'specific incident'?

Only you can answer this one. She was being honest and it was her opinion.

The course officially started at 9am so I personally would have been there on time if I'm honest. When I had a newborn, I had to get my son to school on time.

Don't let it consume your day though! If I may say, the truth hurts>>This is my opinion anyway.

Original poster
Psammead · 21/07/2010 14:13

Gigantaur yes, I see your point - she obviously is someone for whom punctuality is important and who makes an effort to make sure she is on time. However, when you are dealing with a larger group of people, you can't expect everyone to meet your own standards, especially when the arrival time is deliberately quite flexible!

LittleMisscantbewrong LOL! You probably have a point. And actually I impressed myself with doing a course at all! It was only because a few of us from the ante-natal classes egged each other on, I think!

Habbibu my attitude exactly.

LOL @ matchsticks propping up her eyes.

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 21/07/2010 14:14

i dont think she was smug - the course started at 9 for 9.15 and thats the time people should be there

out of curoisty what was the course about/what did you learn

GetOrfMoiLand · 21/07/2010 14:15

Think it is a bit passive-agressive (MN top trumps) to mention other people's timekeepingh in front of them, especially when most other people have complained that the start time was too early.

But really what kind of course is it that you would want to go to at 9am? I hadto be up and out early when dd was that age as i was working, but I wouldn't have chosen to get up and out at that time if I wasn't paid to do so!

Original poster
Psammead · 21/07/2010 14:20

Blondeshavemorefun the class was called LeFino - we're not in the UK, it's basically a baby-massage, singing, rhyming, playing, finger-rhymes, chatting type of group - also with ideas for games and toys that you can make yourself. It was nice - the babies all go naked so they are more unencumbered and can move more freely and the room is heated to about 25°c.

Basically even the woman who regularly came late didn't disrupt anything. It was a very laid-back class, and latecomers just quietly got themselves ready whilst the rest of the babies just carried on, or fed, or slept, or screamed (doh) or whatever.

OP posts:
TeeBee · 21/07/2010 14:20

There is no late with babies - their needs come first, everything else can wait in my opinion. Flip her bird.

MilkChocolateTeapot · 21/07/2010 14:20

Life's too short, surely. I waste endless energy getting to DD to places on the dot of punctuality only to find that everyone else is running 15 minutes late, but at least I'm grown-up enough to admit that I'm the one BU not them.

zipzap · 21/07/2010 14:23

Maybe your comment should have been that, given that you had been explicitly told by the course leader that the first few minutes were for settling down and catching up, you found it annoying that some mums didn't seem to have listened to or understood this thereby spoiling this precious transition time for you

Chil1234 · 21/07/2010 14:25

"what kind of course is it"

I went to one of those post-natal groups for new mums organised through the doctor's surgery after my baby arrived. Started when he was 2 weeks old and I think it was mid-morning. To be honest, for the first few weeks, it was a miracle if one mum or other didn't turn up in her slippers - we were all numb from lack of sleep and totally disorganised. However, looking back, it was nice to have something to get up & get out of the dressing gown for. I don't think anyone would have mentioned time-keeping or they'd have got an Avent up the arse...

LuluF · 21/07/2010 14:29

It would annoy me too. I think it's smug and irritating. And cowardly - mention it beforehand if you have a problem with it - not at the end when no-one can do anything about it or has the chance to say anything.

Blondeshavemorefun · 21/07/2010 14:29

sounds a fun class - maybe should do one at 10am

Original poster
Psammead · 21/07/2010 14:34

Yes, I have signed up for the next one in September, but have switched to the 10:35 class. That's the one I wanted originally as I have to rely on buses and it is in another town, but it was fully booked. Hopefully things will be better then and I won't have to wake DD at stupid o'clock to get there!

OP posts:
Mingg · 21/07/2010 14:37

They asked for feedback and that was hers. I too hate people being late so imo UABU

5DollarShake · 21/07/2010 14:37

So, her feedback wasn't on the course, or the course leader - it was on you lot, her fellow Mums?!

Wow. Way to make friends and influence people. [rin]

I'm a stickler for time-keeping myself but come on! Young babies are a whole different kettle of fish.