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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend commenting all the time

41 replies

LadyBigBra · 20/07/2010 13:19

So I have this friend she is lovely but likes to tell you what she thinks.
She has always commented on my clothes/looks even when I don't ask her opinion.
I am a size 14-16 (depending on the item) she knew me when I was a size 8 and seemed to delight in shouting at me across a shop once that I needed "To start thinking like a fat lass now" .
I had on a top yesterday that loads of people said I looked lovely in and she told me I looked buxom and had too much boob on show.
Today I had another new top on and I thought I looked really nice she has just seen me and said "no no no, boobs look good but your belly looks awful" .
I am now back in my usual jeans and top as I felt stupid wearing the top .
So bitchy for the sake of it or just trying to stop me looking daft?

OP posts:
ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 20/07/2010 13:21

She's being a cow.

MaryBS · 20/07/2010 13:21

Have you ever told HER you don't like her commenting on how you look? It may be she thinks she's being helpful rather than bitchy???

(speaking as someone with Aspergers who has occasionally and accidently given offence due to being "too honest", but would hate to be thought of as bitchy)

Original poster
LadyBigBra · 20/07/2010 13:23

She dosen't have aspergers she is very social and outgoing but is very blunt and pisses quite a few people off.

I have tried to tell her to shut up or comment back which she seems to hate but it goes over her head.It is as though she must say exactly what she is thinking.

OP posts:
Original poster
LadyBigBra · 20/07/2010 13:24

Sorry * but usually it just goes over her head.

OP posts:
ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 20/07/2010 13:25

Reciprocate. Next time she comments about your appearance, say 'Oh, X, you do sound like such a complete bitch when you say nasty things like that!' Then smile at her and wait for her response.

5DollarShake · 20/07/2010 13:25

Say to her, 'wow, that is a really rude comment!', look faux shocked and then leave it up to her to fill the gap.

To give her the benefit of the doubt, maybe she thinks she is providing constructive criticism. Something tells me she is just being downright bitchy, though...

5DollarShake · 20/07/2010 13:27

X-posted with Chickens.

Original poster
LadyBigBra · 20/07/2010 13:27

I think she may just sit on her arse all day
channeling Trinny and Suzannah!

OP posts:
Original poster
LadyBigBra · 20/07/2010 13:33

Oh I just thought of another one I had a really nice waterfall cardigan that you could tie or leave loose and she saw me in it and said "Have you fastened that to hide your wobbly bits?" FFS!

OP posts:
LadySanders · 20/07/2010 13:35

my best friend is exactly the same. once came up to me in a bar when i'd just had all my long hair cut off... stroked my head and said 'oh what a shame!' amd seemed very surprised when i said i liked it

LadySanders · 20/07/2010 13:36

though having said that, she does dispense praise in equal measure, so i guess that evens it out

StayFrosty · 20/07/2010 13:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
LadyBigBra · 20/07/2010 13:42

Do you think SF? They did look perky today .

OP posts:
Easywriter · 20/07/2010 13:43

Agree with 5 dollar shake.

It's non-confrontational and it's up to her to fill the gap and explain why she's not being rude.

I reckon that if you said that after every comment she makes to you that you feel is rude then she'll eventually learn to not do so or you'll be able to draw her attention to the numerous times you've pointed out her rudeness and she'd ignored you.

Kind of either way you win!

proudnsad · 20/07/2010 13:44

I love the 'wow that was a rude comment' advice!!!

StayFrosty · 20/07/2010 13:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

prozacfairy · 20/07/2010 14:04

Sounds like she's obsessed with your figure. Maybe she's jealous? Maybe she fancies you

Whatever her reasons you need to stand up for yourself whether it be "Oi! Fatty! Over here at HER across a crowded shop or "That colour does nothing for you love". No way would I speak to a mate like that! I mean there more subtle ways of telling a friend "actually yes your arse looks massive in that."

piratecat · 20/07/2010 14:06

yep boob envy!!!!

Heifer · 20/07/2010 14:14

crikey, with a friend like that who needs enermies!

Telling a mate that their belly looks awful is not trying to stop you looking daft, tis just plain downright rude!

Either ditch the bitch or let her know just how much her comments hurt - and DO NOT let her get away with further comments that you take it too personally, you're too sensitve etc... Make her aware that she is in the wrong not you...

AND lastly

Go and change back into your lovely new top right now! I am sure you look fab...

RnB · 20/07/2010 14:14

I have a friend like this. 1 week after having my baby she said I still looked pregnant and 'have you got another in there

About 4 weeks after having the baby when my stomach was actually almost flat (miraculously) she said I needed to 'work on losing this' rubbing my tummy. WTF. Do fuck off

Heifer · 20/07/2010 14:15

whoops randon R in enemies there....

rupert22 · 20/07/2010 14:15

Wow, with friends like that, who needs enemies?

CapitalText · 20/07/2010 14:19

It's her sense of humour and I don't think she means to offend. Some people think a friendship is when you can take the mickey out of each other.

whatname · 20/07/2010 14:21

just tell her it's hurtful and to stop being so blunt

cheltenhamgal · 20/07/2010 14:38

I had a friend who was similar, one comment really sticks in my mind......she was very high maintenance and single at the time..... I said "that in order for her to be happy with anyone in a relationship that she needed to be truly happy with herself." She looked me up and down and said "and you are happy with yourself are you !" I said "of course I am " but I was shocked at her. Needless to say after a few other incidents we have drifted and don't really see each other anymore

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